Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My dreams coming true...(taken from my note on Facebook)

Almost 7 years ago, I believe God called me to Go. He promised to send me. I was expecting to go on a mission trip the following summer, but that never happened. Soon after, I heard our women's pastor talk about her trip to Africa, and at that moment I knew I was supposed to go to Africa. At the time, I dreaded that idea, because it seems like 'everyone' goes to Africa. As time went by, I began to let that promise fade. It wasn't until about two years ago that God reestablished that dream in my life. I am called by the God of the universe to go to Africa and to work with orphans, and to someday build a n orphanage. Once this dream was awakened within my heart, I wanted to be on the next flight to Africa, believe me, I tried to find opportunity to go to Africa, but it didn't ever get off the ground.

About a week or two ago, an opportunity came out of nowhere. I had been praying for months that I would have an opportunity to go on a mission trip in the next year. I was talking with a friend of mine, who works with Global Expeditions (mission organization with Teen Mania Ministries, where I was an intern), she is actually planning an adult trip to Ethiopia this spring, which focuses on ministering to orphans, and former prostitutes, she told me that she thought it was the perfect trip for me. I have filled out my application and been accepted to go on this trip. This is a 11 day trip, to Africa, for only $2889. The other trips they do to Africa cost about $4000.

"For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.
How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed?
How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard?
And how will they hear without a preacher?
How will they preach unless they are sent?
Just as it is written,
Romans 10:13-15 NASB

The above verse, was given to me about 3 years ago. Now, as you all know, my feet are not what one would typically consider beautiful due to there toe-less nature. However, the Word states, beautiful are the feet of those who bring good things! I can't tell you how life changing this verse has been, or how many times others have prayed it over my life or used it to encourage me.

I don't mean to get all emotional, but you guys, I am sitting here crying tears of joy. This is my DREAM, this is what I am MADE for. And God is faithful, He is delivering on His promise. I am confident that God is going to provide the money, though I don't know how, and I don't know when.

This note is a call to prayer, pray for me, pray for Ethiopia, pray that God would lay it on people's heart to fund this mission trip. Pray that God would break my heart for what breaks His, and that above all else, the gospel would be preached, and we would see many come into the Kingdom.

~Still standing on His Promises~

PS If you would like to keep updated on this process, please add yourself to my facebook group Change for Change in Ethiopia and/or attend my event to save your pennies (and other change) to send me to Africa.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Seasons are changing...

Many of us are probably experiencing, the seasons are changing from fall to winter.
As in the natural, I feel the season of my spiritual life changing as well.

I am not exactly sure what season I am entering into, nor do I know when I will fully enter into this new season. The season I am currently in is one of brokenness, vulnerability, and humbleness. 

So often I find myself trying to measure up to my expectations of who I should be or what I should do, and fall into legalism. Recently I have been shoving my emotions, feelings, and struggles not only under the rug, but under the floor boards, deep into the earth, through many trapped and locked doors. I often tell myself, if I can't feel it then it's all ok. However, this is not the case. By burying my emotions, struggles, and other things, I only bury myself, becoming a shell of a person. I build up walls, I lie about how I am feeling because I am afraid of being weak.

But I am working through this, by walking in grace that Christ freely offers. As to what the future holds, I am uncertain. 

Right now I am planning on going on a mission trip to Ethiopia to work with orphans, widows, and former prostitutes. This is my DREAM mission trip. I have to raise about $3000 by March/April, the trip is mid May. If you could be praying for me as I get ready for this adventure, I would appreciate it. IF you have questions, please feel free to ask.

~Set Apart~

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

What am I even doing?

Here I am, in my living room at 12:13 AM, all alone. Left with my thoughts, the true condition of my heart exposed. No where to run. No where to hide.

I just took my quiz 6 minutes before the deadline. I have so much homework due this week it's crazy, and very little time to accomplish it. That has been the story of my life for the last 4-6 weeks.

I sit here asking myself, "What am I even doing here?" What can I cut back on to get more time. The truth is I can't. I am prioritizing, which sometimes means ministry or relationships over school. Which is what happened tonight, I had bible study and fellowship after work. Which was great, I am involved in youth ministry, which I love. I have two jobs, which I also love. 

I am reminded of our bible study tonight, we talked about being bought with a price, that we are not our own but God's. That being a follower of Christ isn't easy, and requires sacrifice and time, which is painful and not easy.

Is that my season Lord? Time sacrificing? 

I am so weary, I need You.
I am tired of being an adult,
I do not want to worry about the bills,
the grades, the lack of money, lack of sleep,
lack of  faith, lack of everything.
Father, my soul longs for You.
I want to be wrapped in Your arms,
I want Your comfort, hold me.
Restore my soul
Restore my spirit,
Restore my hope Jesus.

~Set Apart for Him~

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sorry for the long absence

Sorry readers! (If you are even still out there?)

Life has been hectic to say the least. College, two jobs=20-30 hrs M-F, youth ministry Wed and Sun, and life.

Busy. That has been the story of my life. And yet, it is such a sin right now. I have been so caught up in my endless to-do list, and obligations, and life that I am not putting my focus where it needs to be. Yet, here I sit, blogging away, but maybe this is just me processing?

Anyway, my dear roommate and I had been making it a priority to pray together, and hold each other accountable daily-this usually happens before we go to bed, which can be pretty late. Well, lately, the last week or two we have been so busy that we haven't made this a priority. And it really makes a difference. We use busyness as an excuse, but really when we prayed together last, my hearts desire was to have a kingdom perspective despite my schedule, forsaking things of this world, forsaking sleep to spend time with God, to spend time in prayer. Now where do I find myself? Alone, hard-hearted yet broken, scared of being real, scared of where I am. And in desperate need of Jesus. 

I fear that maybe I am the only one that feels this way, that maybe no one else is effected by the lack of prayer in our house. That maybe this is just me, sitting here, broken on the inside. Afraid to express how I feel because I don't want to pressure anyone into doing something they don't want to do, or don't want to be a burden to anyone. Which is more evidence of the sin of pride in my life.

Oh Jesus. How I need You know.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dreaming Big

When you were a child, did you ever dream?
Did you dream of doing big, impossible things?
Or of things that were within your grasp, within reality?
Did any of those dreams become reality?

So often, we get stuck in routine, in the day to day life.
If I were to ask you, "What is your dream for you life?"
"What is your biggest dream?"
"What is the deepest desire of your heart?"

This has been a discussion point lately for me, and my best friend Samantha lately.
We in some capacity have lost the desire to dream.
But God has been stirring something deep with in our hearts the last few weeks.

He is awaking our hearts. 
We are coming before the Lord as open vessels,
willing to be faithful and obedient to what He asks.
We have a dream to go on a mission trip together.
To India.
Or where ever God would have us.

We want to dream big for God's glory.
We want to quit limiting God by putting Him in a box.
By putting our dreams in a box.

The Lord seeks a willing heart, you may not be "the best" "the greatest" "the most able" but you are the most willing, God can and does work miracles in that.

~Set Apart for Him~

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Stand Strong

The deeper I delve into the mysterious of God,
The faster I run into spiritual warfare,
The harder I pray,
The deeper I love,
The harder the enemy hits.

This has been my lesson for the past few weeks. 
I would be lying to you if I said I passed very test,
resisted every temptation,
ignored every lie.
I have fallen in battle, I have been wounded. But God's grace is sufficient.
In my weakness He is strong.

1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses
Galatians 5:1
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery
You see friends, God knew that we would fall. He knew we would need His help, and His truth. Take courage dear friends, walk in grace and truth. I encourage you all to pray on the armor of God daily, not just once but through out the day. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and soften your heart to the schemes of the enemy that you may stand strong against them.

Lord, help me to be a woman of prayer, a warrior in battle, a woman of purity and righteousness, a woman after Your heart. A set apart woman for Your glory.

~Set Apart in Him~

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The season I have prayed for

The Lord is so faithful.

I am so blessed. School is going well, despite the heavy homework load. I have a job that I love, as a teacher aide to a 1 yr old classroom! I am living with my best friend, who loves the Lord with all her heart. We pursue the Lord together, challenge one another, pray together everyday. I have found a church that I LOVE, I am getting involved in youth ministry there, as well as college ministry and hopefully get plugged into a small group too. I work out 3-5 times a week, and enjoy it! My relationship with the Lord is growing, and can be so painful, but it is so good.

The Lord is answering the deep desires of my heart, as He told me He would in this season, a few months ago. I love where I am in life, this is what I have always desired, to live this life so in love with the Lord. I used to doubt that this time would come, that I would really be the woman of God that I wanted to be. And here I am, in God's perfect will.

~Set Apart for Him~

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I have recently discovered how content and absolutely blessed I am by this current season of life. 

One thing that I have a deep desire in my heart for, is to someday get married. I will soon be 22, which is by no means old. For some reason over the last year or so, I have felt this need to find the man of my dreams and settle down. Thankfully the Lord has changed my heart, I am so incredibly happy being single. There is no potential of a relationship in my life anytime soon, and I love that. I am blessed to live with 3 other godly women, my best friend and I (who is also my roommate) pray together in the morning and at night, it is such a blessing to be held accountable, to pray for one another, and worship God together.

I started college after my 2 year break,  I am now in my second week and really enjoy it! We are also hosting a bible study starting next week that I am super excited about.

The Lord continues to show me His faithfulness, I am still looking for a job, and He still provides everything I need financially, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the season that I have prayed for, for years. And now I am living this set apart life.

It is truly a blessing. I will continue to serve the Lord, no matter what my relationship status is, no matter my employment status, no matter the balance of my checking account. 

~Set Apart~

Thursday, August 26, 2010

What are you practicing?

1 John 3:7-8a

Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; because the devil has been sinning from the beginning.

I read this verse the other day and have been meditating on it, and sharing it with others. Here are my thoughts and what I believe the Lord is saying to me, and to you.

Practices. This instantly makes me think of football. When you play a sport you practice it, a lot, in the hopes of getting better as you repeat it. You put your time, energy, focus, on this one thing. You repeat it, over and over again, you find ways to improve.

According to this verse, you can practice either righteousness, or sin. What are you practicing? What are you investing your time, thoughts, energy, into? Are you surrounding yourself with Godly people, things that will spur you on to righteousness and a set apart life? Or are you allowing things into your life that distract you from God? What music are you listening to? What movies are you watching? What are you thinking about? What are you saying?

Living set apart is a process, we are all sinners, scripture makes that very clear. However, I wonder what message we are sending to those around us by our actions? What team are you playing for? You can say that you are playing for the New England Patriots, you can even wear their jersey, but if you are running plays, and scoring touch downs for the Minnesota Vikings, it's clear what team you are on.

In the same way, you can say that you are a follower of Jesus until you are blue in the face, but if you fill your life with things of this world, alcohol, parties, relationships, music, movies, sexual immortality, negative talk, perverted speech, lustful thoughts, pride, etc and it is clear who you play for, and it's not Jesus.

~Standing on His Promises~

Sunday, August 22, 2010

"If your ipod causes you to sin..."

Mark 9:43-47 (New American Standard Bible)

 43"If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life crippled, than, having your two hands, to go into hell, into the unquenchable fire,
 45"If your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life lame, than, having your two feet, to be cast into hell,
 47"If your eye causes you to stumble, throw it out; it is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, than, having two eyes, to be cast into hell

Many of us have read this passage of scripture, and thought surely God does not want me to cut off my hand, or my foot. But when I stumbled across this today, God spoke a different word to me. What if this was a little more relevant to today's culture? What if the text read,
"If your ipod causes you to sin, throw it out"

The music you listen to, the movies you watch, the places you go, the things you say, the list could go on. If it causes you to sin, why do you keep it around? 

The last part of the scripture says, "It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, than, having two eyes, to be cast into hell."

It is better for us to go through this life with less, and to enter the kingdom of heaven, then to have everything we want and be cast into hell.

What is your standard of holiness, purity, excellence? Is it one that leads you towards sin, or farther away from it? What things are in your life that need to be 'cut off' and throw out, so that you may pursue holiness?

~Standing on His Promises~

Friday, August 20, 2010

Season of Isolation, Refinement, and Revelation

I really enjoy people, I am a very relational person, however it seems as though the Lord has given me a lot of opportunity to be alone, with Him, and no one else. It's in these moments that my character, and priorities are shown, and I often realize I have lost my focus, my devotion, to pursuing the King of my heart, and I quickly see the idols I put up in my life, those escapes, and distractions. In those moments, I am refined, the Lord shines His light on all the dark corners of my heart, and brings it all into the light.

I read Mark 8:1-9, Jesus feeds thousands with 7 loaves, and some fish. We've heard the story any times, but something struck me tonight. 

Jesus tells the disciples that He feels compassion on the people that have followed Him for three days. He doesn't want to turn them away hungry because they have traveled a long way and may faint on the way home. They say, "Where will anyone find enough bread here in this desolate place to satisfy these people?" Pause. Desolate place. Remember that...

Jesus asked his disciples how many loaves of bread they had. Notice that Jesus didn't ask the disciples to run through the crowd on a scavenger hunt for bread.
The disciples had 7 loaves and a few fish. Jesus gave thanks, broke the bread, and started giving it to the disciples to feed the people. The people were satisfied and there were 7 large baskets of bread left.

How many times in life, are we in a desolate place. When situations or circumstances wear on us, when things seem impossible, hopeless, too much for us to handle. We look to Jesus and say, "I don't know how this will ever turn out for the better. This is impossible. It's too big, too much, too painful, etc." 
Jesus doesn't send the disciples on a grand adventure to find something He can work with. He asks them what they have. And He asks us the same thing, what do we have, a glimmer of hope, a baby step of faith, a dream, a prayer, some loose change, a few pieces of bread, etc? 

Jesus gave thanks, and multiplied what the disciples gave. Are we thankful for what we have? Even if it doesn't seem like much, are we thankful? Jesus can take our small offering, and turn it into something miraculous, if we let Him.

What can you thank God for, what can you offer Him in this desolate place? Will you allow Him to use it for His glory, to overcome, to work miracles?

~Standing on His Promises~

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It has been quite the transition

Sorry friends, it has been a crazy month! I am now in Boise,  moved into my apartment, and getting ready for school. I had a job that I hated for 2 weeks, I just recently quit, and am now praying that God directs me to a job I enjoy and works around my school schedule.

I have experienced many things emotionally, great excitement, and at times very sad and lonely days. I have been grieving over my now very distant friends, it's hard when you leave people that love you and know you so well, and start over. There have been a lot of firsts here, I don't know many people, and I don't yet have a church to call home. But I do have the Lord. He is so faithful, He continues to win my heart, especially in my lowest moments.

I have achieved some victories being here, I rejoice that our new apartment community has a pool and 24 hour gym, I have been working out and eating healthier. It is a great victory in my life to be self disciplined and live an active, healthy lifestyle. I have also been seeking the Lord and spending one on one time with the Lord, it has been so sweet, and sometimes very painful, but brokenness is beautiful.

*Sigh* Life is going to get crazy, but I know the Lord will help me keep my head above water! Next post: Relationships, and Waiting for my Story to Unfold.

~Standing on His Promises~

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Over the last 21+ years, I have dealt with heartache, and will continue to until the day I die.

There is nothing that can numb the pain of loss, the deep hurt, the weight of guilt, the burden of 'what if?', the emptiness, the hopelessness, the desperation that heartache brings. Drugs, food, alcohol, sex, relationships, pain, pleasure, money, work, they may numb the pain, or push it way, bury it a little deeper, but that ache, it is still there.

The cross.
The pain from the beatings,
the crown of thorns,
the lashes.
The burden of the cross.
The nails driven, one by one.
The cross.
Perfect love, 
Son of God,

In brokenness we are made whole.

I find myself, time and time again,
on my knees, at the foot of the cross.
Broken, hurting, empty.
There, in the arms of Love,
I am healed, by His stripes.
I mended, I am filled.

Monday, July 19, 2010


The first weeks at home was the calm before the storm.
So now, in the storm, I see who I am.
The wind blows,
The thunder shakes the windows,
The rain pours, threatening to wash everything away.

Here I stand.
Right in the middle.
Dark, ominous, clouds surround me.
There seems to be no end in sight.

I close my eyes.
I remember the warmth of the sunshine.
The smell of the spring flowers.
The clear blue sky.

This won't last forever.
This is only for a little while.
hold me through this storm.
You are my hope.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Letting go...again

Have you ever had situations or relationships that you have had to let go of, only to have to let go of them again?

Yep, that is pretty much where I am at. Letting go again. It's a glad surrender but also a painful sacrifice. I know I have done this 100 times, and it just keeps surfacing weeks, months, later. Like a test. The enemy wants me to hold on, to go back to my old ways, to put myself back into the chains that Christ had freed me from.

The chains of manipulation, self-hatred, emotional dependency, people pleasing, and so many others.

Oh the enemy is sly.

He promises you happiness, fulfillment, your deepest desires satisfied.
Offering you an all expense paid trip to Disney Land, your dream come true.
But you find yourself in a brothel,
the lowest you have ever been.

Thankfully we have a Savior, that fights on our behalf, 
He paid the price of our freedom.
He broke the chains once and for all.
We are captives set free.

Though this freedom in some ways seems harder than captivity,
it is always worth it.

~Standing on His Promises~

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Therefore, behold, I will allure her...

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her." Hosea 2:14

This is my season. I am in a desert, a wilderness, full of time to be alone, just me and God. Don't get me wrong, these times have been so sweet. I am deeply relational, so to not have very many, if any, deep friendships in my life is very painful.

I love and hate this season. I love spending time with the Lord, but I hate the pain of refinement. I was cautioned that this was going to happen by a dear friend of mine, and she was right.

Today the pain was real. I am not in Texas anymore. I don't know when I will see some of my closest friends again, my wedding probably, in another 3-10 years. Our friendship now looks very different. We are thousands of miles apart. Facebook, Twitter, text messages, and the occasional phone call. Ouch. 

The Lord is doing exactly what I asked Him to do, "Draw me closer to You, bind our hearts together." A very dangerous prayer, worth it in the end though.

So here in the desert Lord I will wait upon You.
Come and have Your way in me.
Refine me. Mold me. Shape me.
Into more of Your likeness.
I am safe in Your arms,
I am safe here, in the unknown,
in the darkness.
Your love covers me.
You are enough.

~Standing on His Promises~

Monday, July 5, 2010


The older I get, the more I realize that God is a God of surprises.

Tonight I find myself once again thinking about the past, present and future. I had a very encouraging conversation with my friend David today, and with most good conversation comes processing.

Just two weeks ago I was in Texas, at the Honor Academy. Today, here at home, it feels like years ago, a mere dream.

I feel like the next 6 weeks is going to be more like a purgatory, a waiting period fully of testing and trails. I was warned about this feeling, this depression that could sink in, the loneliness. I am clinging to Christ with all I have, because in all reality I have no idea where my life is going. Don't get me wrong that is fine, I am getting used to that.

I know that I am here for such a time as this.
Please show me what that means.
Draw me to Yourself.
To the secret place.
Where it's just You and me.
I long for You, here in the quiet darkness.
And there in the whirlwind of busyness.
Guide me Lord, along Your path.
I will follow You.

And Lord,
that man that I wait for,
draw him to You too.
Prepare us, for the right time.
May our hearts be fixed on You.
Always on our first love, Christ Jesus.

And in this waiting, Lord,
have Your way.

~Standing on His Promises~

Sunday, July 4, 2010

A look at the past

I found some of my old journals a few days ago. One was from fall of 2005-spring of 2006, the other fall of 2007-spring of 2008. The latter one was the most eye opening. Here I sit two years later, a completely different woman.

So much has happened over the last two years, I can honestly say I didn't have a clue. But one thing that I love about keeping a journal is that I can look back at what God was showing me and teaching me, and see how it has worked on in my life now.

One of my journal entries from the spring of 2008 talked about an idea the Lord had given me, I told my best friend that I could see myself teaching African children, aside from that I didn't think too much of it. Who knew that a year later, God would reveal to me a dream much bigger than I imagined, a calling to start an orphanage, to be a mother to the motherless, to finish my teaching degree, and someday travel to Africa. I had forgotten all about that journal entry years earlier, God was preparing me even then.

"He who started a good work in you is faithful to complete it" Philippians 1:6

~Standing on His Promises~

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Season and New Lessons

Well I am now at home, which is so weird. Leaving the Honor Academy early was one of the hardest decisions of my life, and the most painful goodbyes I have ever said.

Home is a completely different world, which is not all bad. I have lots of free time, and I get to decide what to do with it. Now this can be a good thing and a bad thing. I am doing my best to be self controlled and disciplined, I am learning this :)

I am also learning a lot about living love with my family, not easy friends! But worth it.

My heart in this season of life, the 7 weeks I have at home before I move to go to college in Boise, is to draw away with God and continue to get clarity and vision for the next few years of my life.

In someways this move home makes sense, I have been saying I have been in a season of transition of the transition, and now I am in the transition. It has proved to be an interesting adventure, life outside of the Honor Academy's safe, high standard, passionate, loving community of believers. But I am finding now, more than ever, there is hope for this world, hope for you, hope for me, hope for the ones I love, hope for the man on the street and the woman standing next to me in line at Walmart. Hope that is Jesus Christ.

The Lord has been showing me so much about His plans, when they are often so different from mine. I am here for such a time as this (Esther 4:14), yesterday I took a walk with a dear friend, we spent a few hours catching up and sharing life, encouraging one another in the Lord. I am so thankful for that time.

So often we try to do life on our own, we are our own worst critic. Examining every flaw, seen and unseen, making action plans and setting goals so that we can be better people, better Christians, better women, etc. But the Lord showed me something about our ambition and drive for self improvement, often times we forget the work He has done in us already, I'll give you a personal example and an analogy.

Over the last few years I have realized that some of my relationships with men were unhealthy, it caused me a lot of heartache. Since making this observation I have been determined to change, and through that journey I have made mistakes, I get closer to my goal and still fall in some way or another. It is easy for me to sit down and think "Oh why did I do/say that? It was so foolish, such a poor decision. I will never overcome this problem, I am so frustrated! What is wrong with me? I can't get this right". Can any one relate? But what the Lord showed me is this:

Think of a child who just started their first year playing softball. They have never played before, so at practices and games, they try their hardest to get a hit or make a play. This child strives to hit the ball, but always strikes out. Then they finally hit the ball, but it is a line drive right to the first baseman, and they are out, again. With their head hung low, and tears stinging their eyes, they walk back to the dug out. There they are met by the coach, their Father, who is so proud of His child. He bends down to the child, and sees the disappointment all over their face. He says to them, "Why are you sad? You HIT the ball! You did it! I am so proud of you!" The child responds, "But Dad, I got out. I always get out. I will never get on base or hit a home run." The Father scoops up His child and reminds Him where they started, how far they had come, and how proud and happy He is.

Friends, how often in life do we struggle to overcome something and we expect to go from striking out to hitting a home run over night? Let us rejoice in the victories, in the journey!

~Standing on His Promises~

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Waiting, lots of waiting

Another season of waiting. I can't seem to escape those.

I am seeing God start to give me some of the deepest desires of my heart. I have been praying for a godly group of women to live with, and the Lord is preparing the hearts my best friend and her roommate, uniting their hearts with mine, having the same passion for the Lord. It's wonderful. Yet we all are waiting for August to arrive, to bring us back together.

I am waiting. On many things. One thing that I have been waiting on for years, some days I feel like it could happen tomorrow, other days I feel like I may have to wait another 10 years. I know that somewhere out there is my husband, and I am waiting for him, or more accurately waiting for God.

"Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord
Trust also in Him and He will do it."
-Psalm 37:4-5

Tonight is one of those nights when I have many questions without answers. I am wondering, "Is he thinking of me? Does he even know me? Is he waiting for me like I am waiting for him? How much longer will I wait? Why does this desire keep growing?" Many times I have asked the Lord to take this desire from me, but He does not. So I will bear this burden, tonight it weighs heavily upon my heart. And yet, I will wait, yes I will wait on the Lord.

"He is here. He is here.
Be still my soul, be still.
Be still my soul, be still.
Wait patiently upon the Lord.
Be still my soul, be still"
-Kari Jobe 'Be still'

The Lord can and will hold my heart, He is my all in all, He satisfies even the deepest longings of my heart.
~Standing on His Promises~

Sunday, April 25, 2010


What a season of life. In some aspects it is ever changing and in others it is so still or should I say stale?


My heart hurts. The Lord has been revealing things to me tonight that I did not want to see. He is good at that. I don't like to admit when people have hurt me, I have always played the strong, tough woman. Ha, yeah right. The truth is, friends, I have a very soft heart, my feelings do get hurt, and my heart does get broken.

Oh, Lord, I have been careless once again, and find my heart in pieces. Will I ever learn? Thank You for Your grace! Lord, please come to me, meet me here in my moment of weakness, of need, of desperation.

Vulnerability. Exposure. Words that no one really likes. In times like this I think I know how Eve felt in the garden, when we discovered she was naked, and had sinned against the Lord. She hid, and God still knew, and called to her.

This is good, yet painful. Hosea 6:1-3, Lord break me, so that You can rebuild me.

~Standing on His Promises~

Saturday, April 17, 2010

So much going on

Well friends, life has been interesting the past month or so. I really don't know where God is taking me, but that is ok-because I am trusting the Lord. I know that He has a plan and that His ways are higher than my ways.

Its been an interesting journey, I am currently at a dessert season with the Lord. But I will not quite pursuing Him. Often I have felt that I am on a path with many forks on the road ahead, and here I am, waiting. I have been standing in the same spot for what seems like forever, and I am so weary of standing. In fact I cannot stand anymore, all I can do is sink to my knees. And keep waiting.

I am currently sitting in Salt Lake City, at the airport on my way to see my best friend Samantha. :) Then tomorrow night I fly home to visit my family for a week and a half. Then back to Samantha and on campus May 2nd. This is going to be hopefully a very clarity filled, fun, relaxing time.

~Standing On His Promises~

Thursday, March 18, 2010


The Lord is teaching me a lot about trust.

I graduate my internship in August. I had a plan of where I was going to college. Now I discover that it would cost be $18,000, to go there-that is after all the loans and financial aid. So, now what?


Waiting is painful. But I know this will only bring me closer to the Lord.

~Standing on His Promises~

Monday, March 1, 2010

Sometimes there are no words

I have found that there have been many times the last week or so that there are no words to describe how I feel.

I have found comfort and joy, in the presence of the Lord. In many ways I have been broken, and restored. Hosea 6:1-3 says:
Come, let us return to the LORD
For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
2"He will revive us after two days;
He will raise us up on the third day,
That we may live before Him.
3"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like therain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth."
I feel as though this is my current season. So much is going on right now in my head, and in my heart. I am being refined and it is good.

Just yesterday the Lord used me in a very unique way.
I was attending a church that I normally don't attend, and at the end of the service a young woman came up to me. And she told me that I brought so much joy to her (I was convinced that she had the wrong person). She went on to say that she had seen me worshiping, and noticed my hands. (If you didn't know, I am missing some fingers on my left hand due to a birth defect, the doctors diagnosed it as amniotic band syndrome, my opinion is that is not accurate but that is a different story)...this woman began to tell me that she has a 1 year old daughter with amniotic bands that she had recently put up for adoption. She had been very angry with God about her daughters condition, and thought that maybe she had done something wrong. She said that she later that she hoped her daughter would grow up to be confident like I was. I admitted to her that I had never been confident until the Lord worked in my heart a year and a half ago, but since her daughter was being raised in a Christian home, she shouldn't struggle too much.

The Lord used me to heal this woman's heart, and I didn't do anything but worship God...the Lord has promised to bring glory to His name through my hands and feet (I also have no toes...). He is making good on that promise, more so then I realized...

~Standing on His Promises~

Monday, February 15, 2010


Today I think I have a lot on my mind.
Separating the massive amounts of things on my mind is the challenge.

I love the Lord, so much, I am falling more in love with Him each day.
I need Him, more than anything, I can not live without Him.

I am tired and weary today.
But the Lord promises to give me rest.
His yoke is easy an His burden is light.

I want to get married.
I am waiting on the Lord.
I am not anxious.
I am not waiting in vain, I am learning so much.
The Lord's timing is perfect.

My future is in front of me.
I think I know my next step.
But most of I want to know its what God wants.

I am a new creation in Christ.
I trust the Lord so much more, I am not in control.
I love it.
The Lord is sovereign.
He promises to work all things out for good.

I am 21 years old.
But I love be child-like.

My heartaches for the orphans of the world.
I long to be a mother, to as many children as possible.
I desire to see people set free by the love of Christ.

Its been a rough day.
I think I need a good cry.

But more then anything,
I just want to be held.

Like a little girl I come to You.
Tired, broken, longing,
needing to be loved,
to be held,
to be reminded of who I am.
Lord I need to feel Your strong, loving arms around me.
Meet me here Jesus.
Your Beloved longs for you,
calling Your name in the streets,
searching for the One she loves.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Things are changing...I like it :)

Hello everyone!

I have been so busy, I am sorry, both my events are coming up very quickly! Atlanta is NEXT WEEKEND! I can't believe it! Nashville is in just 4 weeks! Crazy...

The Lord has been doing a lot in my life the past few months-2 months to be exact. I am falling more in love with Christ everyday. In the last few weeks, especially, the Lord has been transforming me. I have really begun to trust the Lord, I am not nearly as stressed or uptight as I used to be, its like my personality has changed, and its wonderful. I feel like my season of life is going to change, though I don't know in what way specifically-I'll keep you updated.

I am listening to sermons by Voodie Bauchum about biblical manhood and womanhood, they are so good. You should check it out at this link

Let me know your thoughts.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Back in Texas and really busy!

Sorry it's been so long since the last post. I have been back in Texas now for a week, and things are very busy-especially at work. Both my events have deadlines coming up, I worked over time last week and have been dealing with a lot in my own personal life as well.

The Lord is taking me through a season of refinement again, and it is good but painful. I have to let go of a friendship that is hindering my walk with the Lord, and that is very painful but I think in the long run it will help both of us come closer to the Lord.

I will explain more later, but for now this is all I have time to post. I will be checking on your blogs :)

~Standing on His Promises~

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Real Life, Real Love, Real Pain

I have been back home with my family for almost 3 weeks. This is the longest I have been home in over a year. I have learned much about life and about love...

Today I was on the verge of tears thinking about leaving my family and best friend to go back to Texas, not knowing when I will come back home. As my heart aches I am reminded that it is only because I really love them that I hurt.

In life there is much pain, and in many of our lives we are hurt by those we love the most. At times those hurts can cause us to guard our hearts-sometimes closing it off completely. We can be afraid to get close to someone because we fear that they will leave us, or betray us, causing our hearts to be broken all over again. But if we do not love, we will surely die. Consider this:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”--CS Lewis
This quote was given to me by a dear friend last year, during a time in my life that I did not want to love, for fear of having my heart broken once again.
Love hurts, but not in a negative way. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient
love is kind
and is not jealous
love does not brag
and is not arrogant
does not act unbecomingly
it does not seek its own
is not provoked
keeps no record of wrongs
does not rejoice in unrighteousness
but rejoices with the truth
love never fails
Love is not easy by any means. But to love deeply is to really live. Saying goodbye, or even walking through life with those you love hurts. The love Christ displayed on the cross hurt too.
Love Deeply.
~Standing on His Promises~