Home and 2009

Being home was rough at first, its always hard to be back as an adult yet still a child. But I have enjoyed my extended visit.

Normally I would be home a little less then 2 weeks, but because I needed to get my wisdom teeth taken out (had that done on Monday) I am here until January 9th. I have enjoyed not being rushed, enjoying people, especially my family. And also being home with my best friend is a plus :)

Today is the last day of 2009. I can't believe it. It has been a crazy year...

• I was broken before the Lord so many times, and He showed Himself faithful
• I saw many lasting friendships
• I learned how to love deeply and simply (1 Cor 13:4-8)
• I discovered who I was and what my calling is
• I had the privilege of promoting and being the assistant director of the Atlanta Acquire the Fire that happened in April
• I endured trials that brought many many tears, and many lessons
• I was truly transformed by God
• I was a nanny for 2 weeks during a mission trip in Dallas, TX
• I graduated Teen Mania's Honor Academy
• I saw God work through me and without me in the lives of my family and closest friends
• I went to counseling :)
• I laughed, cried, lived and loved
• I went on many adventures
• I moved on
• I g0t to be the Director of 2 Acquire the Fire events and supervise 6 interns
• I have seen the Lord work in the hearts of those I love most

2010. My hope for 2010 is that I will know the Lord more, love people better, and continue to grow. When I think of 2010 I think of myself as a flower in the middle of a field that is covered with fresh rain-it is the beginning of spring. A time to step out in who I am, to be bold, to be free to be me.

We shall see....

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Learning :)

I have been learning a lot of lessons recently. Some big and some small but lessons all the same.

1. You can't please everyone
2. God as your where you are for a reason
3. Love is hard but worth it

I feel like this season of my life is giving way to another. I don't know why but for the past few years the fall season (August-December) is by far the hardest for me, spiritually especially. I am not sure why that is. But through this desert season I am learning so much, about fighting for my relationship with the Lord and about refinement. I am excited for spring, for the internal lessons I have learned to become evident.

I am getting closer to making a decision about college. Though leaving the Honor Academy will be sad and different it will also be very good.


Psalm 23
The LORD, the Psalmist's Shepherd.
A Psalm of David.
1The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
3He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
6Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Today's Promise--The Lord is my refuge

Psalm 91: 2-3, 9-11, 14-16

2I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!"
3For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.

9For you have made the LORD, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
10No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.
11For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.

14"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15"He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16"With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation."

When I read this today, I remembered the hope I have in the Lord and His protection over me. No matter what I encounter today, temptation, trail, frustration, failure, heart break, etc the Lord is my refuge, I trust Him and He is faithful to deliver me.

Life here at home can be difficult at times, I am realizing that in about 8 months I will be back in the 'real' world, away from my safe environment of the Honor Academy. I have already seen my weaknesses magnified, and am quickly seeing the changes I need to make to be ready. And while there are still many unknowns about what I will do after my graduation of my GI year, I know that the Lord will guide my path. It is in Him that I seek refuge. This promise, I will stand on.
~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

The happenings of the last few months

Well friends, here is the update on my life in my long absence.

In August I graduated the Honor Academy and became a graduate intern (GI). My role would be a manager over the Acquire the Fire events in Atlanta and later Nashville. Many changes ensued at the end of August/beginning of September not only in my work/management but also in my personal life. In the end of September and beginning of October I worked A LOT of overtime and was very stressed out. In my own personal life I was feeling very alone.

I didn't know how to start over, again. New people, new opportunities and seemingly no one that really knew me. I began to realize how dependent I was on people and other things, I started meeting with a Christian counselor-which helped heal my heart so much, I realized my signs of dependency and would stop myself before I was dependant. But I still didn't know how to start healthy relationships, so I just didn't. I was also scared of loving deeply again, because real love hurts. I was distant in my relationship with the Lord too. When I sought Him for answers I heard no answer so I just decided to do it myself.

I have been unsuccessfully doing everything on my own strength until yesterday. I knew that coming back home for Christmas (for almost a month) would break me. And my first day home, it did. I knew that I couldn't do anything anymore, I needed God so badly. I know that my life is now in the right order and I believe that God will be doing some great things in and with my life in the coming season. And I am very excited to be back here and share them with you.

Thank you for your patience and love.
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

i'm back :)

I apologize for my very long absence in the blogging world! I will be posting a lot more frequently.

A lot has happened the past five months...the next post will give you a little summary, but for now I wanted to thank you for your patience and for your love. More details to come...

~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

I lose

So today is a day that I think I can't win. It seems as though in my relationship with my family that things just get worse, today is one of those days. I know that they, just like me, are trying to figure out how this family relationship works with me being so far away and having "my own life." They can speak out of hurt feelings, which end up also hurting me, but I choose to love them even when it is hard, I am in no way saying or carrying myself as to believe that I am better than them. But I am being honest when I say that love isn't easy sometimes.

Sigh. I am trying to do the best I can with what I have been given. I am in Texas, 1,973 miles away from them, and due to my busy schedule and financial situation I can't go home very often. I know that they miss me a lot and that without me being there it makes things a little more difficult for them. I am doing my best to see past their words/attitudes/actions that may not seem loving and look to their hearts and see that they are hurt because they love me so much.

This is hard. Walking in God's will is not easy, especially when those you love the most disagree with you. But Christ being crucified was not easy either. The cross that we are called to carry gets heavy and causes hurt, but we do not carry it alone, it is by God's strength that we take every step and He is the healer of the broken and says that in our brokenness He is made complete.

Please pray for my family and me. Pray that we both discern God's will for me and that we are faithful to walk out in it, despite what our own will is.

~standing on His Promises~
Casey May

Anew day

A new hope.

My heart

My heart hurts.

Please Lord wrap Your arms around me and make this pain go away.

the end.

Learning lessons

Ok, so my Core Advisor asked our core (the six of us girls that life together), to fast from men. In everyway, no talking, texting, touching, hand signal, etc. She said that God really burdened her with this, and it was confirmed many times, even in some of the girls' hearts.

It was hard to deal with at first, most of me wanted to rebel and not do it. But it was in that moment that I realized I needed it. So often we can let the relationships in our life distract us from God, especially with men. Something that God is trying to show me is that I often try and please men instead of Him.

And because I know tha God is preparing me to be a wife and a mother in this season of singleness, its hard to gurad my heart and mind. I am at an internship where there are some great men of God, and there is no dating, but as a woman often finds, it can be very hard not to play the "What if?" game. So now that I am on a fast from men, I am focusing more on the Lord. I think that through this I am going to mature a lot as a woman. Not only that but I am also going grow in my intimacy with the Lord. I am excited but it is a challenge. Some of them are confused because they think we are ignoring them, poor guys. It's really hard when some of them you are really close to (one of my friends sits rights across from me, we face eahc other, luckily he is not here right now, and then leave for his mission trip, hopefully when he comes back it will be over).

I will keep you updated! Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Been too long again!

Hello everyone
Again it seems as though I have lost track of time. Finished all my finals last week and now am thankfully in summer mode!

I got really sunburnt this weekend, and am still recovering-turns out Texas sun can be brutal. I can't tell you how excited I am for this next season of my life. I am entering a season of preperation. Like Esther. She went away for a year and prepared herself for marriage. That is where I am at, not neccesarily in the literal sense (there is still no dating and right now I am married to Jesus). However, I am falling more in love with Jesus everyday. I am learning how to grow into the woman God has called me to be. I am His bride. He adores me, He thinks I am the most beautiful woman, He longs to be with me, He draws me into His presence. It's wonderful.

I am excited to hear about what is going on in your lives! Please share. Thank you for all of your support as I continue to break through financial barrers. I am hopeful that this summer I can begin to fund raise for my next year-which thankfully is $2400 cheaper!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Sorry things have been crazy!

Hello everyone.

I apologize I have been really busy, which is why I haven't posted in awhile. I will spare you the details :)

I have been learning a lot lately, mainly about the wounds of my heart that I have burried, yet still effect how I act/think. So I have been seeing a councelor and we are working on the wounds my dad has inflicted and the message of those wounds. This is very challenging and emotionally taxing. But as I am processing things it is making sense.

I would ask that you all keep me in your prayers for my finances. I am needing more money, not as much for my internship, but for my required mission trip. I need to have $775 by Monday, and that is only half of the trip. I have been having a really hard time getting friends and family to support my internship, let alone a mission trip. So be praying that God helps me to raise the funds. Also pray that my family and I can rebuild our relationship as there is a lot of hurt feelings to overcome.

Let me know how I can be praying for you! God bless!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

PS if you know anyone that would like to donate please have them go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php for my internship and http://cf.globalexpeditions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=about.donate ID # 2508190. All donations are tex deductable.

Crazy times

Well dear friends, I wish I could say that March has been peaceful but the truth is, it has been so crazy.

The last week alone I have faced many challenges and changes. As you know I have been in a bind financially, added to that was my 'family core' (a group of us guys and girls that are very close and have lived through the internship together) were recently split up due to some changes in our leadership. This means that I get a new family core. I know that this might not make sense and I apologize. These guys that I am very close to, I will not see as often and our relationship will change drastically. I have new guys for a 'brother' core and new 'sisters' added to my life. I am embracing these new people and this new season. I see the good in this.

I am currently back at home on emergency leave. My parents had to make an emergency trip 5 1/2 hours away to take care of my grandpa who was found 1 1/2 hours from his home disoriented. This left them without some one to take care of Ashley, my disabled sister, so since I am the only one that can physically lift her and care for her, I was flown home last Friday. My parents are now in the process of preparing to move my grandpa and his wife closer to her family. So I am at home until April 6th. If you have ever taken care of some one's needs long-term you understand how much work it is physically and emotionally. I will be honest I don't want to be here, I have a lot of things waiting for me back at the Honor Academy, but I am embracing this opportunity to love and serve my family.

I have been learning so much this month, it seems like just when I am stretched to the max God stretches me even more. I am learning how to trust God, that is SO hard for me. I am also discovering some deep issues and working through them. My event-Atlanta Acquire the Fire-is almost sold out and is coming up 2 weeks from Friday! God is blessing me and my team for our faithfulness and it is only by Him that things are happening in Atlanta.

Thank you all for your prayers and support through this time. I love each and every one of you so much.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Needing your help

***I created a blog just about my internship, it is www.caseyshalife.blogspot.com ***

I need your help. I am in need of $470 for my HA tuition by Sunday. Please keep me in your prayers, as I pray and seek and ask. If I do not have the money in time I will be asked to leave the Honor Academy.

If you know anyone that would like to donate they can go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php ID #2508190

Thank you so much! I love you!

~standing on His Promises~
Casey May

My life is falling apart but for once that is ok

Oh, so many lessons in life that have to be learned the hard way. This week has been a really hard week, I can't go into much detail because it would take a long time to explain and clearly communicate.

Here at the HA we have what are called Family Cores, this is a core of girls and a core of guys (brother core+sister core= family core). My family core is falling apart, because some people made some really poor choices and broke some major rules. As a result one of our brothers has to leave the HA (rightfully so). But unfortunately I have a part in this, because I did not inform the leadership soon enough because I was so worried about everyone else and how deep their involvement was.

Through all this brokenness I am learning new lessons and relearning old ones.

God is in control no matter what. It will all be ok, no matter who goes or who stays it is all ok.

I have also decided to seek counseling while here at the HA, my first session will be next Friday. I mad ethis decision because there are so many elements in my past that are affecting me now and I can't deal with them or work through them without serious help.

This is a season of refinement and discipline and ultimatley growth. With growth comes pain. There is pain in this offering, it is a sacrifice. But I give it with joy.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

March 02, 2009. Last night around 7:00 I made a commitment to live the rest of my life, for and with Jesus. The ring, engraved in Hebrew says "I am my Beloved's and He is mine". Let me give you some background about why this touches my soul in such a deep way.I have worn a purity ring for almost five years, a symbol of my commitment to my future husband to stay pure. I had my eyes set on that very hope, someday getting married, my fight for purity rewarded.

Upon arriving at the Honor Academy (August 2008) the Lord revealed told me to take off my ring, I asked why and didn't find out until a few weeks later. I had been living in the pursuit of a husband not the Lord, and my view of love was so messed up. So I began to pursue the Lord's heart and experienced what real love really was. I began to love the people around me so deeply. I poured so much love out, it was only the love of the Lord that changed me, and changes others. People don't need my love, they need the love of God. And my life is lived first and foremost for Him alone. Love is not eays, and love does hurt, by learning how to love, you also learn how to live with the hurt that comes with love. There has been hurt the last few months, a lot of it, but I wouldn't go back and change a thing because loving those people was so worth it.

So last night, a put a ring back on my ring finger, pledging my love and commitment to Lord. My life is lived for Him alone, and my love and devotion is His. We are united as one, and I couldn't be happier.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

What is it....

What is it about the sunshine that makes me so happy? The warmth, the brillance, the power....yes all of those answers are correct. I love the sun and The Son! :)

Even in the face of a very busy schedule and life, I can still find peace in the Lord.

I wish I had time to give you more details, please be in prayer over my finances for my missions trip to Zambia and for my tuition, I am still fighting an uphill battle.

I love you all so much!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Superwoman

SO, I have discovered that I, in fact, am not superwoman. Imagine my shock when I discovered this.

I can not save the world, my freinds, my family, anyone, not even myself. I do not have the answers to people's problems, I am not what they need. I can love them and listen to them all that I want, but they will never be truly filled until they seek Jesus. He is the only one that can make things better. Me carrying my burdens along with the burdens of others, it is not healthy and its a sin because I am not trusting God. I had to learn this the hard way.

Last week I was so stressed out that I caused myself to be physically ill-I think I even had the begining of a stomach ulcer. I paid for being overly stressed and independant. I won't do that I again. I am laying my burdens down at the cross, those that I am not meant to carry.

This morning I had the best quiet time I have had in months, I simply read the Word and journaled and then laid on the floor and rested (not slept) in the presence of God. It was amazing. And even now that I have 30 million things to do, I am still at peace because I am trusting God to help me and I am taking things one step at a time. (and prioritizing things helps too).

I hope all is well, remember that you do not save anyone, rather God does. People don't need you, they need Jesus. You are not, and will never be superwoman, so quit trying and

"be still and know that I am God"

~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Please be praying

Please be praying that God would provide what I need for my HA tuition. Below is a copy of the letter I sent out yesterday. Thank you so much for praying with me and for me. I love you all so much!

Dear Friends and Family,

2009. I can’t believe that we have started another year already. Looking back on 2008, I can say that it was a really great year and thanks to all of your love and support, I have been able to embark on this wonderful, stretching and amazing journey that has placed me here at the Honor Academy, in Lindale, Texas. Thank you so much for all the love and support you’ve given me.

I have successfully completed my first five months of this intense internship. It has been a great and trying experience, I have certainly learned a lot about myself and the depths of God. My core/roommates (pictured at left) have taught me so much about loving people and communication.. I really do love what I am doing here at the Honor Academy and I honestly couldn’t see myself anywhere else. The training I receive here in leadership coupled with the perfect environment to gain a strong foundation in the Lord, is the best available. I have eight months left in this year-long internship. I’d like to take a moment to share with you what God is going to be doing over the next few months.

This semester I am pushing myself even harder by taking all the classes available, Missions, World View, Character Development, Apologetics, New Testament Survey, (just to name a few). I am also diligently working to promote and recruit youth groups to attend our Atlanta Acquire the Fire April 17-18. This event is a difficult one, we have a lot of competition in the Atlanta area with other events that occur around ours and it is typically a small ever, (1,300). My goal is to see 2,000 people come to this event, my team and I (pictured a right) are being very faithful and standing on the promise of Ephesians 3:20, “By God’s power working through us He will do immeasurably more than we ever hoped or dreamed”. Please keep us in prayer!

On a very exciting note, I’d love to share with you that I have the opportunity to go to Zambia, Africa on a missions trip June 14-July10. It has been my dream for the past four years to go on a mission’s trip to Africa. As part of my internship, it is a requirement of my graduation to complete a Global Expeditions Missions Trip, this would meet that requirement. On this trip I will be leading a group of teen missionaries and be in the field helping in clinics dealing with orphans. As many of you know, I have such a desire to help these little ones without homes and in an AIDS effected environment. The total cost of the trip is $4,354. I must have half of these funds in by May 4th. I will be working hard on fundraising over the next few months. I would ask that you prayerfully consider supporting me in this adventure.

I need your help. I am currently behind in my tuition and need $685 before the beginning of February to stay at the Honor Academy. I know that money is tight, but I am asking you to please consider becoming a monthly sponsor or even a one-time donor. Your gift is not just going to me, but it is going to the thousands of youth that will attend Acquire the Fire and encounter God this year, to the thousands of teens Global Expeditions sends on missions around the world, and ultimately to the advancement of the Kingdom of God.

All donations are tax deductible. To donate you can go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php to donate online. Search by my information: Casey Sharp, phone number 208-816-1447, ID # 2508190. If you’d like to set up a monthly donation plan please contact Sharon Chupp at 903-324-7571 or Sharon.chupp@teenmania.com. If you’d like to mail in a check, please make it payable to Teen Mania’s Honor Academy and leave the memo blank. Please include a note with my information on it (see above).

Thank you so much for all the love and support you have given me over the years. I love you all so much. Please free to contact me with any questions at 208-816-1447, casey.sharp@teenmania.com or caseymay88@gmail.com. I pray that God blesses you this year as you continue to live His love and carry His light into the darkness.
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Harsh Reality

So, my friend Michael left the Honor Academy yesterday. He and I were best friends and, it took 3 times saying goodbye at the airport before we finally left. This was almost as hard as saying goodbye to my family in August.

I just realized, he's not coming back. And my heart is breaking into a million pieces all over again.There are so many reminders of him here. My desk, which I am currently sitting at, has memories and notes all over it from him.

I feel like an empty shell, like I am just going through the motions of life. I feel so alone. I know that God will take care of him, but I miss him so much. He left a hole in my life. A big hole. One that I know only time and God can fill.

I am trying to fundraise for my Honor Academy tuition. Currently I need $685 by the end of this month in order to stay at the Honor Academy. I know that God is faithful and that I also have to do my part in this. I need God's strength because right now I don't have the energy to do anything at all.

I am sorry for this depressing post. I just needed to get some things off my chest. I hope you are all doing well. I think of you often.

~standing on His promises~
CaseyMay

Today

Today...

Just breathe.


It will be ok.


Let the circumstances fade away
As you sink into your Daddy's arms
Wrapped in His love

As you lay there

BREATHE.

Cry if you need to.

You don't have to be strong for anyone
not even for yourself.

Cry.