Home is a completely different world, which is not all bad. I have lots of free time, and I get to decide what to do with it. Now this can be a good thing and a bad thing. I am doing my best to be self controlled and disciplined, I am learning this :)
I am also learning a lot about living love with my family, not easy friends! But worth it.
My heart in this season of life, the 7 weeks I have at home before I move to go to college in Boise, is to draw away with God and continue to get clarity and vision for the next few years of my life.
In someways this move home makes sense, I have been saying I have been in a season of transition of the transition, and now I am in the transition. It has proved to be an interesting adventure, life outside of the Honor Academy's safe, high standard, passionate, loving community of believers. But I am finding now, more than ever, there is hope for this world, hope for you, hope for me, hope for the ones I love, hope for the man on the street and the woman standing next to me in line at Walmart. Hope that is Jesus Christ.
The Lord has been showing me so much about His plans, when they are often so different from mine. I am here for such a time as this (Esther 4:14), yesterday I took a walk with a dear friend, we spent a few hours catching up and sharing life, encouraging one another in the Lord. I am so thankful for that time.
So often we try to do life on our own, we are our own worst critic. Examining every flaw, seen and unseen, making action plans and setting goals so that we can be better people, better Christians, better women, etc. But the Lord showed me something about our ambition and drive for self improvement, often times we forget the work He has done in us already, I'll give you a personal example and an analogy.
Over the last few years I have realized that some of my relationships with men were unhealthy, it caused me a lot of heartache. Since making this observation I have been determined to change, and through that journey I have made mistakes, I get closer to my goal and still fall in some way or another. It is easy for me to sit down and think "Oh why did I do/say that? It was so foolish, such a poor decision. I will never overcome this problem, I am so frustrated! What is wrong with me? I can't get this right". Can any one relate? But what the Lord showed me is this:
Think of a child who just started their first year playing softball. They have never played before, so at practices and games, they try their hardest to get a hit or make a play. This child strives to hit the ball, but always strikes out. Then they finally hit the ball, but it is a line drive right to the first baseman, and they are out, again. With their head hung low, and tears stinging their eyes, they walk back to the dug out. There they are met by the coach, their Father, who is so proud of His child. He bends down to the child, and sees the disappointment all over their face. He says to them, "Why are you sad? You HIT the ball! You did it! I am so proud of you!" The child responds, "But Dad, I got out. I always get out. I will never get on base or hit a home run." The Father scoops up His child and reminds Him where they started, how far they had come, and how proud and happy He is.
Friends, how often in life do we struggle to overcome something and we expect to go from striking out to hitting a home run over night? Let us rejoice in the victories, in the journey!
~Standing on His Promises~