Friday, May 11, 2012

A Vulnerable Moment

Hello readers,

I know I said I transferred blogs, and I have. But I still want to post here too. :)

We've been married two months now! Marriage is wonderful, and there has been a lot of learning and growing in the last 60 days.

I can't recall if I have mentioned this subject before on my blog, but I am just needing to share a little bit about what God is doing in my life, and in my heart.

Like many women, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, (PCOS). Without going into too much detail I will explain what this means. Basically, my body doesn't produce enough of the female hormones to cause me to have a monthly cycle. This effects my ability to conceive.

Many of you may be asking, "Are you trying to get pregnant? You just got married!". I have heard this reply many times. And yes, we are trying, rather we are trusting God to give us a child in His timing.
As my husband and I have prayed and sought the Lord,  we have decided not to use fertility drugs to get pregnant.

I have always wanted to be a mother. Always. I know that is what I created to be. I have known for years that it would be very difficult to get pregnant and I didn't worry too much about it because I was single. But now that I am married, being pregnant is a possibility (though right now, a very unlikely one).

I can't adequately explain to you what this process is like. I can only equate it to a previous season of my life. When I was waiting for God to bring me my husband. I experienced pain watching others live out the desire of my heart, I knew God was going to give me this promise in His timing, but the waiting was painful and the questions in my heart often caused the tears to fall from my eyes. This is where trust is built. This is where God gets the glory in our darkest hours of the unknown. This is waiting.

This is my journey. This is where my heart tears, into wanting something so badly but surrendering to God's will. I am so happy for my many friends that are welcoming new little babies into their families, and I know that someday I will have one of my own, either naturally or through adoption. I know this waiting is worth it in the end, but my heart longs for the day that this promise is delivered.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen... By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since SHE CONSIDERED HIM FAITHFUL WHO HAD PROMISED." Hebrews 11:1,9-11

~Standing on His Promises~