Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sorry for the long absence

Sorry readers! (If you are even still out there?)

Life has been hectic to say the least. College, two jobs=20-30 hrs M-F, youth ministry Wed and Sun, and life.

Busy. That has been the story of my life. And yet, it is such a sin right now. I have been so caught up in my endless to-do list, and obligations, and life that I am not putting my focus where it needs to be. Yet, here I sit, blogging away, but maybe this is just me processing?

Anyway, my dear roommate and I had been making it a priority to pray together, and hold each other accountable daily-this usually happens before we go to bed, which can be pretty late. Well, lately, the last week or two we have been so busy that we haven't made this a priority. And it really makes a difference. We use busyness as an excuse, but really when we prayed together last, my hearts desire was to have a kingdom perspective despite my schedule, forsaking things of this world, forsaking sleep to spend time with God, to spend time in prayer. Now where do I find myself? Alone, hard-hearted yet broken, scared of being real, scared of where I am. And in desperate need of Jesus. 

I fear that maybe I am the only one that feels this way, that maybe no one else is effected by the lack of prayer in our house. That maybe this is just me, sitting here, broken on the inside. Afraid to express how I feel because I don't want to pressure anyone into doing something they don't want to do, or don't want to be a burden to anyone. Which is more evidence of the sin of pride in my life.

Oh Jesus. How I need You know.