I lose

So today is a day that I think I can't win. It seems as though in my relationship with my family that things just get worse, today is one of those days. I know that they, just like me, are trying to figure out how this family relationship works with me being so far away and having "my own life." They can speak out of hurt feelings, which end up also hurting me, but I choose to love them even when it is hard, I am in no way saying or carrying myself as to believe that I am better than them. But I am being honest when I say that love isn't easy sometimes.

Sigh. I am trying to do the best I can with what I have been given. I am in Texas, 1,973 miles away from them, and due to my busy schedule and financial situation I can't go home very often. I know that they miss me a lot and that without me being there it makes things a little more difficult for them. I am doing my best to see past their words/attitudes/actions that may not seem loving and look to their hearts and see that they are hurt because they love me so much.

This is hard. Walking in God's will is not easy, especially when those you love the most disagree with you. But Christ being crucified was not easy either. The cross that we are called to carry gets heavy and causes hurt, but we do not carry it alone, it is by God's strength that we take every step and He is the healer of the broken and says that in our brokenness He is made complete.

Please pray for my family and me. Pray that we both discern God's will for me and that we are faithful to walk out in it, despite what our own will is.

~standing on His Promises~
Casey May

Anew day

A new hope.

My heart

My heart hurts.

Please Lord wrap Your arms around me and make this pain go away.

the end.

Learning lessons

Ok, so my Core Advisor asked our core (the six of us girls that life together), to fast from men. In everyway, no talking, texting, touching, hand signal, etc. She said that God really burdened her with this, and it was confirmed many times, even in some of the girls' hearts.

It was hard to deal with at first, most of me wanted to rebel and not do it. But it was in that moment that I realized I needed it. So often we can let the relationships in our life distract us from God, especially with men. Something that God is trying to show me is that I often try and please men instead of Him.

And because I know tha God is preparing me to be a wife and a mother in this season of singleness, its hard to gurad my heart and mind. I am at an internship where there are some great men of God, and there is no dating, but as a woman often finds, it can be very hard not to play the "What if?" game. So now that I am on a fast from men, I am focusing more on the Lord. I think that through this I am going to mature a lot as a woman. Not only that but I am also going grow in my intimacy with the Lord. I am excited but it is a challenge. Some of them are confused because they think we are ignoring them, poor guys. It's really hard when some of them you are really close to (one of my friends sits rights across from me, we face eahc other, luckily he is not here right now, and then leave for his mission trip, hopefully when he comes back it will be over).

I will keep you updated! Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Been too long again!

Hello everyone
Again it seems as though I have lost track of time. Finished all my finals last week and now am thankfully in summer mode!

I got really sunburnt this weekend, and am still recovering-turns out Texas sun can be brutal. I can't tell you how excited I am for this next season of my life. I am entering a season of preperation. Like Esther. She went away for a year and prepared herself for marriage. That is where I am at, not neccesarily in the literal sense (there is still no dating and right now I am married to Jesus). However, I am falling more in love with Jesus everyday. I am learning how to grow into the woman God has called me to be. I am His bride. He adores me, He thinks I am the most beautiful woman, He longs to be with me, He draws me into His presence. It's wonderful.

I am excited to hear about what is going on in your lives! Please share. Thank you for all of your support as I continue to break through financial barrers. I am hopeful that this summer I can begin to fund raise for my next year-which thankfully is $2400 cheaper!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Sorry things have been crazy!

Hello everyone.

I apologize I have been really busy, which is why I haven't posted in awhile. I will spare you the details :)

I have been learning a lot lately, mainly about the wounds of my heart that I have burried, yet still effect how I act/think. So I have been seeing a councelor and we are working on the wounds my dad has inflicted and the message of those wounds. This is very challenging and emotionally taxing. But as I am processing things it is making sense.

I would ask that you all keep me in your prayers for my finances. I am needing more money, not as much for my internship, but for my required mission trip. I need to have $775 by Monday, and that is only half of the trip. I have been having a really hard time getting friends and family to support my internship, let alone a mission trip. So be praying that God helps me to raise the funds. Also pray that my family and I can rebuild our relationship as there is a lot of hurt feelings to overcome.

Let me know how I can be praying for you! God bless!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

PS if you know anyone that would like to donate please have them go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php for my internship and http://cf.globalexpeditions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=about.donate ID # 2508190. All donations are tex deductable.

Crazy times

Well dear friends, I wish I could say that March has been peaceful but the truth is, it has been so crazy.

The last week alone I have faced many challenges and changes. As you know I have been in a bind financially, added to that was my 'family core' (a group of us guys and girls that are very close and have lived through the internship together) were recently split up due to some changes in our leadership. This means that I get a new family core. I know that this might not make sense and I apologize. These guys that I am very close to, I will not see as often and our relationship will change drastically. I have new guys for a 'brother' core and new 'sisters' added to my life. I am embracing these new people and this new season. I see the good in this.

I am currently back at home on emergency leave. My parents had to make an emergency trip 5 1/2 hours away to take care of my grandpa who was found 1 1/2 hours from his home disoriented. This left them without some one to take care of Ashley, my disabled sister, so since I am the only one that can physically lift her and care for her, I was flown home last Friday. My parents are now in the process of preparing to move my grandpa and his wife closer to her family. So I am at home until April 6th. If you have ever taken care of some one's needs long-term you understand how much work it is physically and emotionally. I will be honest I don't want to be here, I have a lot of things waiting for me back at the Honor Academy, but I am embracing this opportunity to love and serve my family.

I have been learning so much this month, it seems like just when I am stretched to the max God stretches me even more. I am learning how to trust God, that is SO hard for me. I am also discovering some deep issues and working through them. My event-Atlanta Acquire the Fire-is almost sold out and is coming up 2 weeks from Friday! God is blessing me and my team for our faithfulness and it is only by Him that things are happening in Atlanta.

Thank you all for your prayers and support through this time. I love each and every one of you so much.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay