I am in the application process to the Honor Academy in Minnesota. This is an intense Christian school/training program, God recently asked me to search my heart in my education and when I did I found that at this point in my life, I do not want to pursue my teaching degree (I'm a freshman), but rather I want to do as much as I can to prepare myself for God's calling on my:missions. So in faith I applied to this school and now I am just waiting to hear back from them, I applied for the term starting in August and the school costs $6000, with no financial aid and while there I will not be allowed to work, oh and I have I mentioned that I have never moved away from home? I just desire for God's will to be done. Anyway back to my story (sorry I'm a little ADD)
Since deciding to apply, I have been in freakout mode, this was all I thought about and then I began to wonder if thats really where God wanted me or if I was being foolish or what happens if I don't get it, how will i get the money (i, rather God, just finished raising $1400 for a mission trip that will take place at the end of July), etc. This has gone on for 2 weeks! (ask SamanthaMarie, she will tell you what its like having to deal with me when I do this, thank God she is so patient and forgiving!)
As I was having my time with Jesus, I was reading Matthew 14:25-31
"And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And the cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and begining to sink, he cried out, "Lord save me!" Immediately Jesus streched out His hand and took hold of Him and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Maybe I should change my name to Peter. This totally spoke to me because I do that so often. Take my mission trip for example.
I ask God to show me His will for my life, He does--missions/missionary wife. Ok, so God if thats what You want me to do You need to affirm that to me in a big way so I know I'm not crazy. He uses our youth pastor to tell me that God wants me to go with them in July to Mexico on a mission trip and oh by the way it cost $1400 and your $500 behind, but thats not a problem. Oh totally no big deal God! WHAT?!?! Ok, God if you really want me to go on this trip, You are going to have to get me the money and in a big way so I know for sure that You want me to do this. As I wait for God to provide, I freak out about asking people for money, I write a nice letter telling friends and family whats going on in my life. 7WEEKS later, I had recieved all $1400, I was the first one to have their trip paid for. Do you think God wants me to go into missions?!
So now, I am trusting God that I am doing what He asks, walking on the water at His command, not looking at the wind or the waves, but looking to Him. And it is then, in the midst of the storm, that I find peace in His arms.
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
5 comments:
Hi caseymay! thanks so much for visiting me!!
you know, i struggle with that same thing over and over - wanting God to show me His will for my life, then doubting. you sound just like me, asking God to show you in a big way so that you know it's Him and no one else talking - i do that too!! i need to know for sure that God is the one opening doors and not someone else.
i admire you so much for your faith in God. even when you have moments of anxiety and doubt, you let God speak to you and you listened. and you trusted in what He said. that is NOT an easy thing to do. our flesh always has questions, even when our spirit is yearning to just trust. your faith in God's voice and your trust in Him is so inspirational :-)
i will be praying for you and your missions!! i've always wanted to go on a missions trip, but i dont know if that's God calling on my life. i will be lifting you up in prayer as you face these upcoming (and nerve-racking) challenges, new beginnings, and uncertainties.
may the Lord's peace envelope you wherever you go. :-)
Trust is something amazing and I'm just learning. It's very cool.
Earlier this year knowing what God had planned for my life was a big deal. And he kind of showed me something about unity within the church and missions are also really big on my heart. But for now it's on hold because I still have time before actually deciding.
God paid off your trip, that's awesome! Make sure you thank him for it. A rule off thunb I just heard recently that I thought made sense is this: if you're praying for something and God answers, spend at least as much time thanking him afterwards in prayer.
I'll be praying for your trip too.
@ dfsoul (if you return to these comments): God's calling on your life doesn't have to be missions for you to go on a missions trip, I'd encourage you to go just to see what God's doing in other palces around the world!
And I wanted to add, last year my friend Lisa took a step of faith to go to Briercrest in Saskatchewan, and from that now she's married (not that you go to school for boys) but a lot of good's come out it because she trusted God, and she's definitely been blessed.
I love your ADD moments :) They makes your stories even more interesting than they already are!! :D
We both know God's plan is for you to go into missions. And as I read this blog I kind of felt like God was telling me, "Casey is going." I obviously could have heard Him wrong since my mind was elsewhere today (the text I sent you...) but we both know that He is faithful in His promises to you (and all the rest of His children) and so He will get you on the missionary track with HA or with another option. I really don't think He would make you suffer through another semester at LCSC obtaining a degree for something you don't even want to pursue.
He is a GREAT BIG GOD that can do ALL things. And He wants to accomplish many of these great things THROUGH you! His faithful servant (:
So yes my dear best friend. Continue gazing upon the glory of our Lord and hold onto the promises He has given you. His plan is ALWAYS perfect (no matter where it takes us!) He will get you to where you are going.
I love you!!!
Hey CaseyMay,
Thank you for visting my blog. I am glad that you liked it.
Wow, your post was great and I so know where you are coming from. I mean I am not going on a mission trip or applying for a very important school, but I, too, have trouble handing things over and then let go of my worries. In fact, I have spent the past few years trying to figure out what to do. While others were applying for college, I was focusing on those dreams of mine and the plans I just knew would work out, like becoming a wedding planner. A year later, I find myself starting to step out a little further each day and hand my fears over to Him. Still hard, but I know it is worth it. I realized wedding planning, while as great a job as that may be, I couldn't do it based on moral principle. I know a wedding is not just about the flowers, caterers, gifts, and the hundreds of guests, etc. It is supposed to be about God and the unity He is creating between a man and a woman, making them husband and wife. Even though I know this, I felt if I became one, maybe I'd be okaying the world's point of view and putting my belief aside, just to encourage someone else, therefore misleading them. I'm not bashing big weddings just for the record. Just saying a wedding isn't about the things or the people. It is about the love between two people. The love God has created between them and the fact that God is uniting them together as one.
I pray that God continue to work in your life, providing you with a very blessed future. Listening to Him is the only way any of us can get to the right place. That in itself can be hard, just making sure we aren't making ourselves believe something. Turning it over, can be even harder. Letting go of my fear is only slightly easier and that being because I have already let go of some of it by handing it over to Him. See, you aren't the only one who worries yourself over everything. I drive my parents, my sister, and sometimes my brother crazy with all my worries. In the end though, God's got it all and He'll take care of everything.
-Paige
P.S. I'm so ADD, too. I even have a post on my blog that sounds like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", except I called my post "Losing My Point"!
YEAH!!! Glad you are on here, too!!!
The interesting thing is, I just read this passage in my devotions this week while God was walking me into a new area of discipline! One of these days, I may take the time to explain it, but that would be a book!!!
Thanks for visiting, and I will be linking your blog on mine!!! Have a terrific day!
Pamela
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