After discovering those things and also what my first week looks like (busy and hard) I will also be dealing with the running issue. I can't run, at least not for more than about 5-10 minutes because it is very very hard on my knees and feet (its the whole no toes thing..WAIT have ever told you all that? By the way I have no toes). So yeah, I don't really ever have a problem with the fact that I have no toes, but I really don't like it when it causes me to miss out or be more set apart. Does that make sense? Anyway, I included this little detail on my application and I have no doubt that once they actually take a look at my little feet they will understand and just be amazed that I walk.
God is asking me to be really uncomfortable and do some really hard things, I am discovering this is not as easy as I thought it would be, packing, moving, adjusting, explaining, and being vunerable. All very hard. I am begining to think I don't want to do this after all, but then I remember that its God's plan not mine but still....this is hard and uncomfortable. It would be so much easier to stay here!
I was talking to one of the girls I mentor this morning and as I was telling her how I was feeling about all this and she said to me, "Casey, your sinking again". I was confused to say the least about that, sinking? Then I remembered telling her about how much I am like Peter. I ask God to prove to me that I am doing what He wants and then He does (Jesus walking on water, Peter asks Him to prove Himself by telling him to walk out on the water) and so then I take a leap of faith and test Him and He's right but then I doubt and I began to flounder and sink (Peter walks on the water but then doubts and starts to drown) then I call on Jesus to save me (just like Peter) and He saves me and asks me why I doubt...She was right. Man, Peter and I could have been good friends.
This is hard. But God didn't promise me it would be easy, but He DID promise me that it would be worth it. SO through Him I can do this and by His strength I will do this. He is the one who has to do it because I can't, I just can't do this on my own...I'm too attached and too comfortable and in all honesty too afraid to do this in my own strength.
IT'S ALL YOU GOD AND ITS ALL YOURS
TAKE IT
I DON'T WANT IT
~standing on HIS promise~
CaseyMay
4 comments:
I can tell by your words that you know the voice of your Shepherd. Be encouraged, Casey. You're on the right path :) and He's coming with you.
I can only imagine how tough things must seem for you right now, Casey. I am sure God will take care of this and all else that takes place in your life, though.
I think we all have a little bit of Peter in us. I probably have more so than others, I am sure. What I am constantly reminded of, however, is that the 'easier' thing is always easier. In the end it can keep us from wonderful things that we, as humans, can not foresee. God is wonderful and as hard as it may be at times it is the best thing to turn it over to Him.
I hope everything goes well for you Casey!
I meant to say that the easier thing isn't always easier. Sorry!
wow, you didn't tell us (well, not me anyway) that you have no toes - that is very interesting! if you feel like it, would you ever be interested in telling us about that?
i understand how you feel - being vulnerable is one of THE scariest feelings/emotions in the world. it is probably the single emotion that drives a lot of our other emotions (hurt, anger, fear, etc.). but you are absolutely right - God will lead you through even the scary, tearful situations, especially when He has specifically led you there.
take comfort in knowing that you have heard the voice of God in all of this! that's something a lot of people (including myself) don't always have the benefit of hearing when approaching difficult situations. but God is speaking to you, opening doors for you and that in and of itself is such a comfort in times of distress :-)
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