Then tonight, my lovely sister brought up that fact that she was going to take my bed which has a very nice headboard/bookcase that contains my things. I was not too happy about that, who cares that I won't be here, its still mine! *sigh* The parents were brought into the discussion and it didn't really make me feel any better. We both had some harsh words and then I walked away, still feeling the sting.
Why is it that leaving is seeming so real? Why is it that they have to tell me these things before I leave? And why, WHY, must they be the ones to drive away without ME?
This would be so much easier if I could just fly...but no, it won't happen, unless by a miracle. (God?! Can you help me out here?!)
*sigh* I know its going to be ok in the end. I just want to get the goodbyes and see you laters over with. I am more than ready to move on. It's time for me to go and discover exactly who I am apart from this cute, wonderful, little river town. Please God, let the days go by faster!!! It's time, it is so past time, so let's go...
I'm ready to FLY
3 comments:
Oh, my dear Casey! I know your heart is so anxious! I know your mind has been made up and you want nothing to try to change that, and it won't!
From this side, I also know that you will want THESE memories to cherish in the years ahead when the loneliness is overwhelming, even in a crowd of people!
I was going through some old letters I had written to Sean...I found on date about 11 days before I flew out of the states! It was really a God thing, 'cause while David was here, I had thought about a time shortly before I left that he and I were sitting at the dining table and starting just marking all over each other's arms with pen. Well, in this letter to Sean, I mention that I am a mess because David and I have been pen fighting!!! It was just less than two weeks from 'leaving home' and I remember coming to a point where we stopped laughing and began crying, knowing life would never be the same!!! My poor Mom, she got tired of the tears and sent us to our rooms, but I will never forget that day...and it still makes me cry!!!
In the words of a country song..."You're gonna miss this!"
Enjoy today!!!
Pamela
hiya sweetie!
i'm sorry things are so heavy at home right now. leaving is never easy when it comes to people you love so much, and i know that all the tensions, arguments and frustrations are just manifestations of what's underlying: the pain of your leaving.
but i promise, promise, promise you that it WILL get easier. your family will handle your not being there, and YOU will be just fine!! more than fine. do what you can to maintain peace at home (maybe schedule an outing/dinner/day event with your parents as a way of giving them extra "you" time? and just let the Lord take over from there.
but they will just have to understand that you are a woman on the move, with lots of interests, dreams, friends, goals, and passions and they will have to adjust to that. and they will.
thinking of and praying for you,
dfly :-)
Hey love,
The never-ending summer of guilt saga continues. I've come to realize some things about this beautiful summer of limbo for you.
It's strange: You are about to embark on an amazing God-breathed journey, one that will be the giant stepping stone that will send you places you haven't even dreamed of. And, at the same time, you are still at home, working the same ol' job, doing the same ol' things, and having the same ol' arguments with the family.
It's slow: You feel as though the days are dragging by. The next week couldn't get here quick enough. July needs to be here NOW. And oh how you anticipate August 12th.
It's the end of so many things: You are saying good-bye to so many people and trying to deal with those emotions. You are saying adios to every comfort zone you have ever had. You are letting go and taking one of the biggest leaps of faith ever. It's bittersweet to witness all of this.
And yet the following is my prayer for you...
Despite the fact that you want to leave so badly and that you think the days are going tortuously slow, I hope they continue to do so. I'm not claiming to have it all figured out, but I do know what it's like to be without your parents for two whole weeks with only one five-minute phone conversation to satisfy you. It's hard. Let alone the fact that you are leaving behind many friendships, old and new. You are going to want these days to cherish the time you have left with your family and friends. No matter how much each of them drive you crazy.
My next prayer is that you can truly give all of this to God. It is a huge frustration for you, all these arguments with the family and trying to do the "balancing act." But God can handle it much better and He wants to. So I pray that you give it over to Him, and that once you do a sense of peace resides from now in your heart and in your household. And remember, communication is key. Being a parent is the toughest job on earth and they've been through what you are going through and are now on the receiving end their parents were on years ago. It's hard for them, but they understand these bittersweet feelings more than me, more than you.
And one more thing. I am praying hard that you will cherish that last road trip with your family. You do not know how long it will be until the next one. You are getting a chance to see some beautiful states with the people that love you most in the world (minus your dad, and minus me;)) What an opportunity!! And yes, it will suck that they are the ones "leaving you." But you know that's not the case. You are leaving them. So give them a chance to say good-bye. Sometimes people need to see the body one more time before it's lowered into the ground so to speak. We all have ways of saying good-bye, so give your mom this gift. You'll both appreciate it.
I love you dear. And I'm sorry if any of this sounds harsh or holier-than-thou. That is not my intention. It's just so true...
"You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back."
So love and embrace it while you have it. Your next adventure is going to be AMAZING but don't forget about the one you are currently on.
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