Smoking. Yep I admit I was a smoker (haven't had one in six months and won't have one ever again). I had my first cigerette when I was 13 and yes it was because it was "cool" but it didn't stop there. I soon began buying cigerettes from my friends who stole them from their family members. I smoked off and on for a year or so and then after being saved was convienced I didn't need them. Until I turned 18. I turned back to smoking as a way of coping or escaping instead of going to God. After feeling much conviction in the next few months I made the decision to quit, again. After graduating high school last year things seemed to fall apart especially after entering my first semester of college. My sister was struggling with self-injury and I couldn't "fix" her, my grandma was dying, and I didn't know what to do. So I went back to smoking and stuck with it until December.
I needed to identify with something or someone.
You could label it as a cry for help and in some ways it was. Last weekend I was in the presence of a smoker and something inside me longed to participate, longed to taste the nicotine, longed to feel the burn and smell the smoke. But I didn't, no, I couldn't. I was totally thrown by why this was effecting me, I will never smoke again, I promised God that I never would put things above Him, I would go to Him with my troubles.Identity
Boys...yep like all girls I sought affirmation, no, definition from boys. I knew how to get their attention, I flaughted what I had and I got attention all right, but soon found out it was not the kind I wanted.I learned quickly, only by the grace of God, that I didn't want that.
Who am I?
I am the fat girl, I am the good girl, I am smoker, I am the attention whore, I am the boss, I am the druggy, I am everything and nothing...
The truth is you guys. I am not any of these things but rather I am defined by God as His child. Which means I am:
"I am a child of God"
John 1:12
"I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit"
John 15:16
I am God's workmanship--His handiwork--born anew in Christ to do His work.
Ephesians 2:10
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.
Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4
I am free forever from condemnation.
Romans 8:1
I have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I was predestined--determined by God--to be adopted as God's daughter. Ephesians 1:5
I may approach God with boldness, freedom and confidence.
Ephesians 3:12
I have been made complete in Christ.
Colossians 2:10
These are my promises that I hold onto. It is Him that will define me. Not my past, not my present, not my future. Just Him. Thats all I need.
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
3 comments:
you are so awesome caseymay.
first, congratulations on not smoking anymore!!!!!! i'm very very proud of you - seriously.
i too used to be a smoker. boy the things we have in common! i think stole my first cig from my grandma's purse at age 8 or 9 and smoked it in my bedroom half hanging out the window. i must have been ab.so.LUTE.ly insane because my mother was home...but apparently i was a rebel.
i smoked off and on too, until maybe 2-3 years ago when i decided that even the "occasional" one was unnecessary, unacceptable, and clearly a sign that i needed to let the Lord do some more work in me, and i haven't had one since then.
most of the time, even walking past a smoker sickens and annoys me now - especially in DC where smokers are EVERYWHERE!!! but like you, every once in awhile, that old craving hits me out of nowhere. that's how i know God is real and alive in me, because i've seen people struggle with nicotine addiction for years (especially my father), and it is a HUGE battle that they never win.
when i decided to let that last one be it a few years ago, that was it. i haven't relapsed once and even when those random cravings come, they quickly disappear. God is the only one who can do that!! i'm thankful because i couldn't handle a constant battle like that.
i'm so proud of you, not only for quitting but for sharing your intimate stories with us.
and yes, your identity is in Christ. you are HIS. that's who you are even before you're "casey".
i'm still learning that...over and over and over.
Good for you for quiting smoking. I have several people in my extended family who are smokers, but I myself have never had a cigarette. I have been around a few people who are trying to kick the habit & I know how hard it is. Kudos to you! And I will keep praying that God gives you continued strength.
Great verses on your identity in Christ! I think we all need to meditate on those verses regularly. At least I do. Have a great day!
= )
EXCELLENT!!!
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