Hey everyone! I got back from Mexico at 3 am this morning. What an experience, I must say words and pictures do not do it any justice. This will have to be a series because it was so complex and filled with emotions.
This was my first time on a airplane! But I must say it was a very good experience, the view was amazing!
The first day(monday) was mainly a travel day we left town at 2:30 AM and arrived in Mexico at 5:05 pm. Mexico is so humid! It's like a sauna! From there we went to the church where we ate dinner and got our "orientation" so to speak. It was a LONG day to say the least.
Tuesday we got the opportunity to go to the dump and pass out bags of food to the people that lived there. I forgot to bring my camera but the poverty in that area was unbelievable. After passing out the bags we did a children's program and then played with kids. They had nothing, yet they were so happy! It was so amazing.
I had the opportunity to call home Tuesday morning, it had only been a day and I already missed them. As I talked to them on the phone I realized that this is what it was going to be like. Limited to phone calls for communication. I wish they could have been there. I went and sat on the beach Monday night and I so wished that Samantha was there to experience it in with me.
That night we opened the session with worship and I knew that there was something in the way between me and God. I began to pray and ask God to show me what it was. And of course, He did. I had to take a hard look in the mirror and I did not like it.
I was angry. VERY angry. I was mad at God because He was asking me to leave the people I love the most. As my true feelings started to surface I began to tear up, quickly wiping away the tears of hurt feelings and anger, worship ended and our speaker started. Glenn started talking about community, and that we need 3 things to strengthen us. A mentor, an Accountablity partner, and a family (paraphrase). All those things that I currently have. That just made me more upset. I was sitting in a room with 100 othe people and I felt so alone, so completely alone. A minute after I thought that, Glenn said "Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt completely alone? Maybe some of you feel that way right now..." That did me in, tears roled down my cheeks and I tried so hard to keep it together.
Lara(see pic) saw that I
was having some trouble and moved her chair next to mine. She put her arm around me and I put my head on her shoulder. She asked me if I wanted to talk and have her pray for me. We got up and walked to the back of the room, by this time I was sobbing. We sat on the couch and I started to pour out my heart. I was angry and mad that God ask me to leave my community, and the people I love the most. And I felt guilty for feeling that way and it's just not fair. She held me and encouraged me reminding me that its ok to feel that way and that God has promised to take care of me. She let me cry my heart out, which was something I had been needing to do for a long time. I told her of my feelings with my parents and the hurt I experienced before I left. After talking and praying we met our group and they also wanted to pray for me. They put a chair in the middle of the circle and laid hands on me and began to pray over me. It was then that I felt the peace and the mending of my broken heart begin.
was having some trouble and moved her chair next to mine. She put her arm around me and I put my head on her shoulder. She asked me if I wanted to talk and have her pray for me. We got up and walked to the back of the room, by this time I was sobbing. We sat on the couch and I started to pour out my heart. I was angry and mad that God ask me to leave my community, and the people I love the most. And I felt guilty for feeling that way and it's just not fair. She held me and encouraged me reminding me that its ok to feel that way and that God has promised to take care of me. She let me cry my heart out, which was something I had been needing to do for a long time. I told her of my feelings with my parents and the hurt I experienced before I left. After talking and praying we met our group and they also wanted to pray for me. They put a chair in the middle of the circle and laid hands on me and began to pray over me. It was then that I felt the peace and the mending of my broken heart begin.When I asked God to break my heart into 85 million pieces, I didn't think that was His plan. My heart was broken, for my family, but mostly for Samantha. The thought of not being able to share (physically) the most important experiences of my life with her really upset me. Not being able to have her sitting next to me on the beach as we watch the waves crash against the sand, not having a 1 minute drive to her house to escape, not getting amazing hugs that squeeze the breathe out of me, not having her to cry with or to pray with or to just be with.
But God gently reminds me that there will be a blessing if I can just keep running towards Him and His voice and that He promises to take care of both of us and make a way for us to grow even closer despite the difference.
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
2 comments:
Casey, I am so glad you had a good trip and that is was helpful to you as well.
Girl, I can not imagine how you are awake right now. If I had that kind of travel schedule, I'd be trying to sleep it off until the afternoon and then go back to bed early! :)
I am still praying God help you and your family through all of this. It is a great thing you are doing, no matter how hard it may be.
Sometimes I think there isn't much that I could say. We are both feeling the same way and so it's hard to have comforting words. This is one time we are definitely going to have to rely upon God for all His love and all His understanding and all of His strength.
And yet, as sad as I am, I'm sooo excited. This is going to be an experience that will prove to strengthen our best friendship even more. Plus, we are both going to be doing and experiencing so many new things, it will be so fun to share it in emails, letters, post cards, phone calls, and web cams. We have so many more memories to make and as I look at the pictures of us around my room I have much more hope than sadness in my heart. We will be okay. We will be better than okay, we'll be amazing. And God is going to take us on an amazing adventure, we both know that. So let's keep running after His heart and standing on His promises. It's going to be awesome (:
I love that I got to hear all of this Mexico stuff and read it. I can't wait for the day I can go on a mission!! (: Hopefully one day we will be blessed enough to do it together.
I love you very much my bestestsetstesetsetsetstest friend :D
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