Well today we went running for the 2nd time and I was dragging-my legs were sore and my lungs were tight. I was slightly frustrated that I wasn't doing as well as I did the first time but Samantha was very encouraging and we kept going. On our 4th lap she sat out because she had a blister but told me that I needed to do one more lap-by myself.
I was not excited to be running by myself. So I began to pray for strength because I wanted to finish strong. So I started out slow and began to keep pushing harder. I remembered the verse I used when I spoke on patience at our women's retreat.
Hebrews 10:36
On the last leg of the race I had to pray and push a lot,my legs screamed in pain and my lungs burned, but I had to finish I couldn't give up. So I pushed myself as hard as I could and when I crossed the line I broke down and sobbed.
Hebrews 10:36
Patient endurance is what you need now so that you will continue to do the will of God, then you will receive all that He has promised.
Right now I am on my last leg of this season or chapter. And its hard. I'm tired and with all I am I don't want to finish. You've 'heard' me say it before. I'm not strong enough to move away. And just like that last lap I didn't want to do it and I wasn't strong enough to do it alone.
Right then God forced me to face my fear and raw emotions and the one word that can stop me in my tracks.
ALONE
I sobbed in Samantha's arms for a few minutes and she wisely told me that I needed to just let it all out to God. But I hate doing that. I did it anyway though. I got home and got in the shower and cried so hard there were hardly any tears. I was angry and upset that God would choose to have me leave behind everything and everyone that I love. And that He would have me go out into the world alone.
After I calmed down a little bit and paused to listen to God; I heard Him say,
"Casey, I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you.
I will be with you every step of the way."
"Yes Casey. I promise. I will NEVER leave you."
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
3 comments:
Casey, I am so happy for you. I know how hard you are struggling, while I only have what you write to go by, that is. I wish I knew exactly what to say that would make you feel better, but I know I have nothing. It is part of that love God has for us. He loves us so much that He knows each of us and has that personal relationship with each of us. While I can not tell you what to feel or whether you are right or wrong or whatever
(because I know what you are saying) He is there for you and He does know what to say and how to be there for you, Casey. I pray that everything goes well for you.
GOOD for you!! What determination!
So, your post reminded me of one of my favorite hymns. Here it is:
Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where, when my aching grows, Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand? He, only One.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching.
Constant He is, and kind, Love without end.
Casey, your faith is inspirational. :-)
--Sabina
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