Happy 4th everyone! Ok so this post is going to have a few topics, that may or may not make sense.
******************************************************************
Happy 4th of July! I hope you all had a great fun day celebrating our freedom not only as American's but as Christ followers as well. Freedom has a high price.
-----------------------------------------
So, right now in this very moment, I am feeling quite sad. I have roughly 4 weeks left, I have so much to do and not enough time to do it and what's worse is that I am grieving already for what I will lose in 4 weeks. I have gotten so very close to the girls I mentor, one in particular, Mara. I have been there for her through very hard times, like the one she is currently in. She's like a little sister to me and though its my prayer that my replacement (who I trust A LOT) will love her and the other girls more than I have, I'm worried that won't happen and they'll fall through the cracks. I will leave my best friend, who needs to know so much more about how she has impacted my life everyday. I am leaving my job, which I love. My family, who is sadly getting the short end of the stick lately, more than they know. And for all the other people in my life that I am some how letting down by leaving.
----------------------------------------------
The boy. eegghh. He is no longer a problem. It's a really long story. So here's the very very short version. He and I are really good freinds. Earlier this week I found out he was 'dating' someone for three months and they were talking about marriage. As one of his best friends I was very angery that I had no prior knowledge about this. I asked him to tell me what led him to this point and why he didn't tell me. Well the truth came out! He told me that he had feelings for me and back in January was going to pursue me but I told him that God was leading me to someone else before he could ask. So after being "shut down" by me, he rekindles a 'romance' (she lives 6 hrs away they've gone out once) with an ex-girlfriend from like 2-3 years ago. They both rush into things and begin to talk about getting married. Now I'm in the picture again. The next time we're together we are volunteering at a firework stand fundraiser and we flirted like 13 year olds! I then realized that I have some deep rooted attention addictions and in all honesty would have done something incredibly stupid has youth not been around. So after I get my head on straight, I see what an idiot I am and that his boundries were easily discarded when I pushed them. Not good. He tells me he wants me to pray about our 'relationship'(?????!!!!!?!?!) that we could have until I leave. I do pray and realize that this is an intentional assault by the Enemy because this would screw up everything. I tell him all this last night, we talked, argued, and talked some more. The poor guy I don't think gets it, if he wants to wait 2 years, fine by me, but I'm making no promises. (ok so maybe its not so short?!?!)
-----------------------------------------------
I'm exhausted, drained, and in need of God to break me and force me to let go.
eeeeeggggghhhhhh
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
3 comments:
God is not surprised by the situations in your life! He desires for you to trust Him SO MUCH that you just have fun in His presence...even at a fireworks stand! Take a few moments a day to just breathe in His life...not by reading or prayer, just simple meditation on HIM!
I know for a fact it is all easier said than done! These next few weeks will fly by and life will change but for the moment, you have to live through these next few weeks.
Hold on to God. Take your sisters to a park and play like children. Ask your parents if they can take you to McDonald's and remember to cherish the memories that you make today!
LOVE YOU!!!
I am sorry about the boy situation. I know how hard that must be. I dealt with a similar situation last year, but I must say I think the boy I dealt with just may have been worse if not equally as bad. I may just post about it all later. Who knows? I didn't handle it as well as you, though. It's great that you were able to handle it so well.
I really hope everything goes okay, no matter how hard the next few weeks will be. Just think of how wonderful your family reunion will be when you get home from school! I know it probably doesn't help much. You still have to go through the toughest part of all. Still, God will watch over you all and be holding each of you tight through all the tears and worries you may have.
hey hun, i admire your levelheadedness (even though you didn't initially feel like you were doing so well with it) and your maturity. i think you handled things well, though i know it felt all screwy and weird.
matters of the heart, even where friends are concerned, are crazy. i'm sorry you were/are feeling so confused. i know i would've been hurt too if a good friend had upped and decided to get married without telling me. not to mention that there are some underlying feelings there. i pray things work out for the best in the end, for the sake of your friendship, for the sake of your journey, AND for your friend, that he doesn't rush into something mistakenly. marriage is no joke..
i hope you're feeling ok hun! :-) my thoughts are with you cuz boys suck. LOL, j/k. but sometimes they do.
Post a Comment