So many intense emotions....and yet they are hidden behind a cracking mask, and no once seems to see just how broken I really am.
muffin.
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I bought my plane ticket today. It's offical I am leaving and I'm just now starting to realize what that means. I will no longer have my family, my best friend, my church family, or my job. I will have no one but me and God. I will have to start over in a new place, with new people and the same old me. I don't know that I am ready to do that or that I am strong enough to do that.
My home will no longer be my home.
This town, the same place that suffocates me and holds me back, also sustains me. Can I live apart from it? Yes. Will it be easy? Not at all.
My parents have never left this place (not for long at least) they don't understand what I'm going through.
I will have to say goodbye in about a month and won't see them again until Christmas. I have never known anything but this all my life. It's time for me to go but I find myself wanting to stay in this mediocre way of life. Yet I know there is SO much more out there and so much more of me left to discover.
I don't know how to handle these emotions anymore.
3 comments:
Alright, I comment on being happy that you are happy and it isn't more than a day later that you are posting that you are upset. If I weren't a Christian and knew better about 'luck' I'd be wondering if I am bad luck or something.
What's up, Casey?
I know how you feel. You're excited and terrified and lonely all at once. But the praying has been done. It's all been worked out. You must look at this as following God's will for you. This is for HIM. If you look at it that way, perhaps it will be easier to do it. It's always sad to say goodbye, but God has so much more for you and the only way for that to happen is to follow Him down the path that He has for you. I know you're scared. But He will strengthen you. You can do this. You have all the power that created the universe at your disposal. Use it. Lean on our Lord.
Love in Christ,
Rose
Meh. You should've shouted that you needed me you booger.
But I love you anyway ;)
And as always, if you ever need to talk, I'm pretty much here :D
And I had a blast last night!! Sleeping under stars is love!
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