%*#&^!^&#&**#*# yep. That's how I feel. Like swearing. Which is extreme. Let me explain. (if any of you readers are even still out there?)
I am in the worst season of my life. I have had some pretty rough seasons before. This one tops it all.
I have been processing a lot of heavy stuff, I am going to counseling which is great. But these raw emotions are killing me. I cry way more now.
I am hurt. And angry. Hurt because of these old wounds that are now affecting my relationships in every way. From projecting my feeling on others, to blaming myself for their negative emotions. I have this great huge fear, that everyone will move on with life and get married and I will be left behind all alone. This has resurfaced recently, as my best friend gets closer to a serious dating relationship.
Angry. I am angry because I am tired of feeling this way, and I am angry at God for letting me be this way. I am tired of being broken. I am tired. This season feels like it will never end. And yes, it is safe to say that right now in this moment I am being extremely selfish, and am I asking God why, when will it be my turn? Where is my promise?
"I am faithful"
Yes, You are. And I am broken. And I need You now more than ever.
2 comments:
I know many people who have been through this, and i go through my own seasons as well with emotions that mirror these pretty closely. God usually helps me get through these tough seasons with a Christian song. So often, "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson is the one that helps me out. He has the lyric "Life is not a snapshot" in the middle of the song, that helps me remember that my life is not determined by the point that I am at right now, it is just part of the bigger picture that God will one day will let me look back on and give Him all the glory that is due to Him for i shall see that in every aspect of my life, even when I would deny Him, He was there and sovereign.
I hope that helps! God bless you Casey, you are such an inspiration to others, even in the midst of struggle.
Phillip
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