So I am sitting here at a computer, seeing what's going on in other people's lives back home and I am begining to realize that life as I knew it is moving on without me.
I so badly want to go back home and say "Hey! Everyone Remember ME!" Turns out it's hard to maintain relationships from 2000 miles away sustained on only phone calls that seem to recently be filled with akward silience.
I want to go home. My heart is sad, I want my old life back, my family, my best friend, my job, my church. I just want things to be normal and comfortable. I want to go back to sharing a room with only 1 person instead of 5, and to share an actual bathroom instead of a community one. I want hugs and back rubs and smiles and a safe place to just be me.
I want to stay here because I am getting closer to God, but I hate that I feel so alone here and so seperated from eveyone. I am going to spend my birthday away from my sisters next Friday. I will not be going out to dinner with my family to celebrate, instead I will get up at 4:30 AM for corporate exercise, then go to work and have dinner in the cafeteria with my core. I will not have my family or my best friend, or a birthday cake (I may have one on Saturday).
I didn't know it would be this hard.
The life I knew is not the life I know anymore. They say change is good. But I say change is painful.
*bleh*
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay
5 comments:
Ugh.
This made me cry.
I'm moving to Texas, eff thisss.
Kidding (sadly.) I miss you babe. Sooooo much. I love you tonnnns. Keep on trucking, I hear the reward is worth it! ;)
-Sigh-
Praying for you always!
Casey I'm so sorry that you are missing home so much. I hate that I'm like 2 hours away yet can do nothing!!!
I understand change hurting...I've been through it too many times as far as I'm concerned!! Eventually you will see the good...remember God promises that it will all be good for those who love Him. Especially if we don't see it immediately, but rather have to learn in time to accept and sometimes even forgive or apologize.
I hate change and frankly as I begin my 3rd week of my senior year...I'm realizing that by this time next year I will be out of my house away from everything I've known for 13 years!!! But watching you survive has helped me see that I can make it through my move that will only be 45 MINUTES away...nothing compared to 2000 MILES!!
I'm so proud of you and the strength you have found in God! He will bless you, he will strengthen you, he will always protect you, and always love you!
I love you too!! Keeping you in my prayers!
AHHH, you made me tear up!!! I, like Carolina, hate that we are so close and yet can't do much...be praying for the biz to grow so we will have gas money to come get you!!!
We love you and know that you are where God wants you...even though it hurts!
LOL Sami's comment made me DIE laughing!
i'm sorry you're so homesick hun :-(
what a transition you're enduring. you're in my prayers certainly. and i know that all your friends and fam back home are missing you and remembering you as much as you're missing/thinking about them! may you find comfort in the tearful moments.
and community bathrooms are blech. my first year and 3rd years in college i lived in a dorm with one of those. sucked big time.
*hugs*
Casey, I am so sad for you. While I know that what you are doing is a great and wonderful thing, I cannot help but put myself in your place. I can not help but wish that I could help you right now. I can not imagine being away from my family. It is hard enough going to work for so long in the day and for most of the week, yet I am not nearly as far as you are. When I have those moments of sadness that life can and does go on without me in a family that I love, I have to remind myself to be happy that my family does carry on.
I hope that you had a wonderful birthday despite how different it may have been. I also hope that God be with you and wrap His arms around you in comfort. It will all be alright and I know that God will truly reward you for your work.
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