Unsettled

God is constantly growing and refining my faith in Him. Have you ever experienced the growing pains in your relationship with God? Those roads you walk down that make you face your deepest fears, insecurities, doubts and unanswered questions?


That is where I find myself lately. I would be lying to you if I said this was easy or without pain. I would be lying to you if I told you that I am not afraid. Here is an analogy of where I am at in a few different life situations:

I have traveled a long way, many days and nights, many miles through unexpected paths and rough terrain. I have endured harsh storms, and enjoyed days of sunshine. After traveling for so long, I think I am closer to seeing my life long dream come true. I approach a the door of a house. The Man that lives in this house, He has the power to make my dreams come true. I stand at the door, and I knock. I wait. No answer. Maybe I am not loud enough? I knock loud and longer this time. Still no answer. Maybe I am early? I know this is the right house, I know He lives here.
I start to fear, thinking all this time was wasted, that this painful journey was for nothing. I can't go back empty handed. I know this is where I will find my answer. So here I will wait. I will wait for answer.

Waiting. 


Recently I have been trying to process my emotions and line them up with the Truth. I doubt, I fear, and I am anxious. I am unsettled. I am afraid. I fear that God will not come through, that I will have done all this for nothing. Shouldn't I be able to just trust completely and not experience these aggravating emotions? Shouldn't I just be able to be certain?


As I continued to think about this, I remembered the story in Daniel 3 of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and being thrown into the fiery furnace. Their reply to the king struck a chord within my heart.

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
 But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were not certain that God would save them from their death (even though He did), yet they still went forward. So here I am, at the door knocking, hoping and knowing that nothing is certain, except that God will have His way. 


I may not know whether or not the money I need for Ethiopia will come in on time. I may not know where God is taking me with ministry, school or my friendships. But I do know this:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight" Proverbs 3:5-6  

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay