Suprises

The older I get, the more I realize that God is a God of surprises.

Tonight I find myself once again thinking about the past, present and future. I had a very encouraging conversation with my friend David today, and with most good conversation comes processing.

Just two weeks ago I was in Texas, at the Honor Academy. Today, here at home, it feels like years ago, a mere dream.

I feel like the next 6 weeks is going to be more like a purgatory, a waiting period fully of testing and trails. I was warned about this feeling, this depression that could sink in, the loneliness. I am clinging to Christ with all I have, because in all reality I have no idea where my life is going. Don't get me wrong that is fine, I am getting used to that.

Lord,

I know that I am here for such a time as this.

Please show me what that means.

Draw me to Yourself.

To the secret place.

Where it's just You and me.

I long for You, here in the quiet darkness.

And there in the whirlwind of busyness.

Guide me Lord, along Your path.

I will follow You.

And Lord,

that man that I wait for,

draw him to You too.

Prepare us, for the right time.

May our hearts be fixed on You.

Always on our first love, Christ Jesus.

And in this waiting, Lord,

have Your way.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

songs and gifts

These are a few songs "I" wrote, God really gets the credit He gave them to me. Don't know why He did considering I don't sing or play instruments but I wanted to share them with you all.


The song WHY was written shortly after a classmate's father took his life, leaving his son, daughter and wife to deal with unanswered questions.

WHY

(chorus)

Why did you have to go

there's so much i need to know

All i have left are memories

and one little note that you wrote me

(verse 1)

Was it something i did or something i said

was there no other way to stop the pain

could it be that your love for me was not enough

Why did you have to go
there's so much i need to know
All i have left are memories
and one little note that you wrote me

(verse 2)

what was it that you couldn't live through

what about those you left behind

did you think that we could just move on without you

Why did you have to go
there's so much i need to know
All i have left are memories
and one little note that you wrote me

(bridge?)

Who will walk me down the isle

who will chase away my fears

who will heal my broken heart

who will wipe away my tears

Oh daddy, Why did you have to go
there's so much i need to know
All i have left are memories
and one little note that you wrote me

This next song was written at 3am, I shot up out of bed and wrote down the song in my head. Definitely a God thing.

ONE NIGHT LAST MONTH

(intro)

Went down to the clinic today

one night last month i gave myself away

never been so afraid of a test before

(verse 1)

How do i carry for 9 months

look into its eyes and say good-bye

i hope you have a much better life

(chorus)

Why does this have to be so hard

why'd i choose to go that far

and what am i supposed to do now

(verse 2)

What if i do the unthinkable

because I'm so afraid of what they'll say

the christian life i used to lead

is now just hypocrisy

Why does this have to be so hard
why'd i choose to go that far
and what am i supposed to do now

(Bridge?)

when i tell him what will he say?

its not his there's just no way

and i'll just have to figure it out

Why does this have to be so hard
why'd i choose to go that far
and what am i supposed to do now

went down to the clinic today

one night last month I gave myself away

Never been so afraid of a test before

These song are in no way professional but I really believe that some day God is going to use them to touch someone. I also believe that one reason I wrote these songs was because I have the spiritual gift of mercy.

"The gift of Mercy: the special gift where by the Spirit enables certain Christians to feel exceptional empathy and compassion for those who are suffering so that they can devote large amounts of time and energy to alleviate it.

This ability to empathize with hurting people manifests itself into cheerful acts of service. The believer feels deeply for those with physical, spiritual or emotional needs and is motivated to take action to meet the needs.

The actions taken reflect Christ’s love.The Greek word for “mercy” (eleos) means “to show compassion,” or “to feel sympathy of heart.” This gift is characterized by the ability to suffer alongside the person in pain, in a sense to feel the pain with them and to want to help them bear it.
This extraordinary gift enables the believer to feel a deep compassion that transcends natural Christian caring and to minister to hurting people in a cheerful and sustained manner.
The person with the gift of mercy will be drawn to exercise it among the needy, ill, the mentally impaired, the handicapped, shut-ins, imprisoned, bereaved, lonely, and others in troubled situations.

It is revealed in the person’s being able to serve in the presence of human misery such as is so often seen among the poor, the sad, the afflicted and the abandoned."

http://synodresourcecenter.org/stew/personal_stewardship/spiritual_gifts/0002/mercy.html

Yep, thats my number 1 gift and (fortunately?) it shows. I am the one who helps at funerals, who takes on the burdens of those around me, who desperately wants to make the hurt go away because I can feel it, just like they can. Only I can express it when sometimes they can't or don't know how. I can be a voice, their voice.
I can be His arms, giving them His hugs, shedding His tears, showing His love, and lightening their load by bearing their burden with Him. This gift is not easy and to be honest their have been times where I have hated it, really hated it. But in this moment, I understand why I have it, and why its needed.

Thank you for reading all of this! I hope it made sense, some times they don't and thats ok too.

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

Leaving a Legacy

Children.
Today at work I noticed something (surprising since I've been up since 4:30am) children model what they see from the people the look up too (mom,dad, siblings etc). I know some of you are saying, "Casey, you didn't notice this before??" And yes I have noticed it (I've been working with kids for 6 years). But it really struck me this morning. One five year old girl was walking around all in a huff talking under her breath complaining about the situation, almost to the point of disrespect. I thought to myself, "Where did she learn that?"..."Her mom, more than likely".

We as people have the power to influence in HUGE ways, especially as parents (not speaking from experience).I began to think of the ways I have impacted those around me.

I am leaving this small little river town in 2 months. How will people remember me? What impact will I have on their lives? Will they say I helped or hurt? Encouraged or discouraged? Loved or hated? Shown them Jesus or shown them hypocrisy?

I know I have made an impact though.
"[Casey] This is my lovely babe. She is my core group leader. She helps me through everything. She got me to love myself like I should :) If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be going to youth group, she makes it awesome, I can tell her anything and she will listen and give me advice. She helps me through anything I am struggling with. I love her with all my heart, and I always will, even if she does get into college in Minnesota T_T. I love you. "---Hannah--hero sect of myspace

The way my preschoolers on Sunday smile and hug me and tell their parents how much they love me, some even pray for me every night!


The way the kids/teens at work talk to me about their lives and seek advice and now want to impact others in the community

The way my core group has grown into young women and how they can now
comfort each other and me.

The way my best friend prayer mightily and speaks the truth in love.

My sisters, growing up and growing in their love for Jesus and learning to trust Him

My upcoming mission trip.

But I take no credit, for it is all God's doing. Him working through me, I am nothing made into something only for His glory...and it has been so awesome. So I can look back and be ok with moving on. There is still time for more impact before I go and thats exciting. And there's time for you too :)

I am leaving behind a legacy. And I wouldn't have it any other way. This is my comfort and my strength for saying goodbye.

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

*thank you for the encouragement on my last post, I took it to heart and it was a lovely reminder of God's promise to reward obedience and that I will suffer as He did for His Glory*

Blessed

Today, I feel extremely blessed. Why?? Because I got to GIVE! I got to give my talents, time and treasures to my best friend and her family. I got her a plaque (clear crystal) that has a poem about best friends on it, her love language is gifts so I knew it would mean a lot to her (mine is words of affirmation so it worked for me too). I got the chance to just be with her sitting/laying/walking, just being. No words necessary, we knew what each other needed and embraced the opportunities to laugh at ourselves. Like the idea of cutting ourselves in half so each of us could have part of the other to take with us.

What blessed me the most though, was being able to pray over her and anoint her. I felt the spirit of God in the room. I loved giving her up to God.

~standing on His Promise~

Casey

Carry Me Away

It's been a day of good things but filled with an emotional rollercoaster, why, I'm not sure, maybe it has to do with hormones, but somehow I think its a little bigger than that. Tonight I feel so heavy with emotion. I am torn, having to balance how I spend my time, which is running out. How do you equally divide your time between the people you truly love and care about? I feel like I end up hurting someone, whether thats true or not, I don't know. Is this anyones fault? No, no its not, its just the way it has to be, its growing up, its reality.

Now I have to face the harsh reality that this time its not them leaving me, but that I am leaving them. I am the one abandoning them, leaving them to pick up the pieces, answer the hard questions and go it alone.

I'm so tired and I know that right now all I can do is be carried by my Father because I am not strong enough to do this. I'm not strong enought to say goodbye. I'm not strong enough to walk away. I'm just not strong enough...

thankfully I don't have to be.

"And even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow, I will hold tight to the hand of Him whose love will comfort me and when all hope is gone and I've been wounded in the battle. He is all the strength that I will ever need. He will carry me."

Carry me away Lord Jesus,

Be my strength

Be my guide

Be my Savior

Be You

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

WHO AM I?

WHO AM I?
That the Lord of all the Earth
Would Care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
WHO AM I?
That the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wondering heart

God chose me?! Why, I am so unworthy, not only would He choose to save me but to call me friend too? I am so unfaithful, so wavering, yet He is patient and faithful and good.

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because what I've done

But because of who You are

It's nothing I can do, nothing I can take credit for, it's all because of You, and what You have done. I am because You were, are and will be.

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

I am so small, so useless, yet You still hear me, You still run to me, You still LOVE me, despite the many times I have messed up and dragged you through the mud. You are still faithful.

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

I am Yours

I am Yours, I am defined by You and You alone, no one else defines me. I am Your daughter, a Princess of the King, I can call on Your name for help and strength and You give it freely. I am Yours, forever.

WHO AM I?
That the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
WHO AM I?
that the voice the calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me

You see my sin and still You love me?! You pick me up when I am beaten down by the trails and pains and burdens of this world. You, the same Jesus that calmed the sea, the same Jesus that rose from the dead after three day, YOU call me and in YOU I find rest and calm in the storm.

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because what I've done
But because of who You are
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours

You have taken a young broken girl and made her whole. You have placed a calling on her life that she is not worthy of, You have restored her to who You created her to be. You have shown through her complete brokenness. You have done a good work in her. You have made her feet beautiful for she carries Your gospel, even though the world would look upon those same feet with disgust. You have made her hands useful and gentle for they care for You children, the same hands the world stares at harshly. You have made her beautiful and lifted her up and used her to bring glory to Your name. She is so grateful and so humbled by Your mercy and Your grace and Your provision and most of all YOUR LOVE
Thank You Jesus, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You...
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Peace After the Freakout

Something that you will soon know about me is that I tend to freakout and worry about things I can not control. I would like to share with you one of those times, for your enjoyment and my sanity. :)

I am in the application process to the Honor Academy in Minnesota. This is an intense Christian school/training program, God recently asked me to search my heart in my education and when I did I found that at this point in my life, I do not want to pursue my teaching degree (I'm a freshman), but rather I want to do as much as I can to prepare myself for God's calling on my:missions. So in faith I applied to this school and now I am just waiting to hear back from them, I applied for the term starting in August and the school costs $6000, with no financial aid and while there I will not be allowed to work, oh and I have I mentioned that I have never moved away from home? I just desire for God's will to be done. Anyway back to my story (sorry I'm a little ADD)

Since deciding to apply, I have been in freakout mode, this was all I thought about and then I began to wonder if thats really where God wanted me or if I was being foolish or what happens if I don't get it, how will i get the money (i, rather God, just finished raising $1400 for a mission trip that will take place at the end of July), etc. This has gone on for 2 weeks! (ask SamanthaMarie, she will tell you what its like having to deal with me when I do this, thank God she is so patient and forgiving!)

As I was having my time with Jesus, I was reading Matthew 14:25-31

"And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And the cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and begining to sink, he cried out, "Lord save me!" Immediately Jesus streched out His hand and took hold of Him and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Maybe I should change my name to Peter. This totally spoke to me because I do that so often. Take my mission trip for example.

I ask God to show me His will for my life, He does--missions/missionary wife. Ok, so God if thats what You want me to do You need to affirm that to me in a big way so I know I'm not crazy. He uses our youth pastor to tell me that God wants me to go with them in July to Mexico on a mission trip and oh by the way it cost $1400 and your $500 behind, but thats not a problem. Oh totally no big deal God! WHAT?!?! Ok, God if you really want me to go on this trip, You are going to have to get me the money and in a big way so I know for sure that You want me to do this. As I wait for God to provide, I freak out about asking people for money, I write a nice letter telling friends and family whats going on in my life. 7WEEKS later, I had recieved all $1400, I was the first one to have their trip paid for. Do you think God wants me to go into missions?!

So now, I am trusting God that I am doing what He asks, walking on the water at His command, not looking at the wind or the waves, but looking to Him. And it is then, in the midst of the storm, that I find peace in His arms.

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

Wishes & Dreams

I’m watching you from a scenic

view taking in your every move

Who you tried so hard to be full of

Wishes and dreams

That did not come true for you

I can read you like a book

Sad stories everywhere I look

Faded pictures remind you when

What could have been

Did not come true for you

[chorus]

I’ll be the one who makes you laugh

Make up for the memories

That made you sad

Me and you together forever

We could be someday

You will find me in all your

Wishes and dreams

Is it so hard to believe what

Your eyes cannot see

Your dream come true

A love to fall into

I’m waiting to show you

-Stellar Kart "Wishes and Dreams"

This is my love song from Jesus. For so long I had my own dreams and wishes and they didn't include God and His dreams and wishes for my life. I tried for a long time to be someone I wasn't and desiring someone else to come into my life (usually a boy) and make me happy. Wishing for happily ever after while kissing toads.

God desires to be the center of our dreams. And when I look back at my wishing and dreaming, I see that what I really needed was Jesus.

I am now putting Christ in the center of my dreams and they are coming true in His timing and so perfectly, better than I could have ever imagined!

I know God's calling on my life is to be a missionary (and marry one :D ) and now He is sending me on a mission trip to Mexico and probably sending me to the Honor Academy in Minnesota in the fall. My dreams have become His dreams, I have His heart cries and He has my heart.

Some of you may be wondering why my blog is entitled "His beautiful promises". Well four/five years ago God promised to send me on a mission trip, when it didn't happen that summer, I gave up on it, but God did not. And in the last 5 months God has delivered on so many promises! Promises of a best freind, promises of blessing, promises of answered prayer and promises of provision.

I am standing on His promises everyday, trusting that He will deliver in His perfect timing. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us and to always provide for ouro need and to give us strength and rest, eternal life and so much more.

What promise are you standing on?

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

looking back & walking forward

Today in church and I listened to my pastor talk of how things have come together, not by his works, but by stumbling under God's annointing. I began to look back at my life, (all 19 years of is, 5 of those following Christ), I began to see how God worked in me and how He has led me, even when I didn't know it. I have indeed sumbled under God's annointing.

When I get to see Jesus face-to-face, I hope to ask Him why He chose me, why He gave me this HUGE calling of being a missionary and often wonder what His answer will be. I know it won't be that I deserved it because I am so unworthy, lower than a snakes' belly.

I can look back and see how God has trained me for where I am at this point in my life. I am preparing to walk fully in God's will. That can be such a scary thing yet so exciting.

This is going to fun.

~standing on His Promise~

Casey