Cheerio's, Pandora, and my thoughts after a very difficult evening

I admit it, I eat when I am emotional/stressed/unsettled, but at least this time it is just a bowl of Cheerio's--they are good for the heart right?


Well my friends, I find myself learning a lot today. The Lord is faithful to reveal the true condition of my heart, which today was full of ungratefulness, jealousy, and much more. As I sit here in my tiny bedroom, listening to various Christian stations on Pandora, and yes eating my Cheerio's, all I am left with is the assurance that God never changes.


It seems that this evening the enemy would love for me to give up, to let this worry, and fear overwhelm me. It is one thing for us to look back on our mistakes and learn from them, it is another thing all together to let those mistakes define us. It is easy to feel defeated or to let doubt drive our decisions. I know that today I decided that I wasn't the problem, everything else was, that if I could just change something in my life (church, school, jobs, etc) that THEN I would feel better, happier.


But we are not to run away from our problems dear friends, and we can't just run away, escape or drastically change our lives when things get hard. No, no. This is what I am learning, that today, right now, I have a choice. I can keep 'coping' by trying to find a magic combination of right steps to take so that I am happy OR I can trust that God is going to be faithful to do what He promised, and TRUST that His plans for me are good and for the glory of His name He is going to work everything out. 

• Trust that God is going to be faithful to provide ALL of our needs
• Trust that God is going to give you what He has promised you
• Trust that this hard time is going to grow you closer to God and that He is going to work it out for good!
• Trust that His Word is TRUE, even when it doesn't feel like it
• Trust that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, He never changes, He was faithful before and He will be faithful again
• TRUST that God hears my prayers, and will answer me

Easier said than done right?


But then what in the world do we do about these darn emotions we have? Great question, I love the Psalms, because they are full of emotion. So let me share with you one of my favorites. Remember that our enemy (Satan) wants us to be discouraged and depressed so that we don't share God's love with others. Remember my friends, Satan has been defeated by Jesus Christ's death and Resurrection! So take heart as you read this:

Psalm 70

 ^1 (A)O God, hasten to deliver me;
O LORD, hasten to my help!
^2 (B)Let those be ashamed and humiliated
Who seek my ^[a]life;
Let those be turned back and dishonored
Who delight ^[b]in my hurt.
^3 (C)Let those be ^[c]turned back because of their shame
Who say, “Aha, aha!”
 ⁴ Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
And let those who love Your salvation say continually,
“Let God be magnified.”
⁵ But ^(D)I am afflicted and needy;
^(E)Hasten to me, O God!
You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay.





~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay


....Next Post: Surrender...

Reflections, a year later...

A year ago, I was just moving back to Idaho. I was in a transition, a season of isolation and refinement according to my post a year ago. So much has changed, and yet much has stayed the same. Funny how that works?


Now I find myself in a very familiar season, one of loneliness, more refinement and tons of testing of my faith. And yet, these situations are so different from a year ago. I am more mature now, and have learned so much since being here. God has given me some of the deepest desires of my heart, the ones I was just hoping for on a whim last year-they have now come to fruition.

I have been dating Phillip for about 4 1/2 months now, which brings me so much joy and also so much refinement-I am realizing more and more how sinful I really am, and how much I need Jesus. I have been to Africa and worked in an orphanage, caring for 2 months old that weigh less than 5 lbs. I am now in a different transition of sorts, my best friend is moving 10hrs away to do a year long internship and I could be in my last year of non-married life. Crazy. I learning that what my life really comes down to in Christ, so no matter what situation I face I just have to trust Him and if I put my hope in Him then my heart will find hope and take courage despite trials.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

I think this has been my longest absense...

I am so sorry my blogging friends! It seems that time has gotten away from me,  so many times I have wanted to post on here and every time it just seemed too overwhelming. So much has happened in the last few months,  I went to Ethiopia-which was so life-changing, I am determined to go back and bring home some children after I get married. The Lord taught me so much about how He cares for the orphan and the widow, and reminded me that He knows the hurt and the pain, and He is moving in Africa friends, in mighty ways!

I got back to the US and went to Texas for a week to visit my boyfriends family, and upon finally returning to Idaho, I started 3 part time nanny jobs. Along with a summer packed with ministry activities, work, and a small social life, things started to get really crazy and thus no blogging, which I have greatly missed.  I love writing to you all, even if no one reads it, I enjoy it so much, so now that things are hopefully slowing down a bit, I will be on here more. *fingers crossed*

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

In Awe

Well friends, the count down has begun! 4 days until I leave for Africa. I can't believe it. God had proved faithful time and time again to provide for me! I now only need $174.16, which is great and I know that God will provide for that. It is amazing how He works in ways we would never expect.

As I prepare for the trip, I find myself excited, anxious and a little scared. I can not believe that after 7 years I am finally going to Africa to work with orphans for 10 days. Psalm 37 promises that God will give us the desires of our hearts if we cultivate faithfulness, and commit our way to Him. And this has been so true in my life. I can't tell you how many times I have read that psalm over the last couple of years, it has sustained me in the darkest times.

I would have never imagined that God would bless me like He has the last few months. It is all for His glory, and He is refining me into His image. I have been learning to trust in the Lord, in His plan, provision and timing. I have been blessed beyond belief, as people pray for me, and encourage me in this adventure.

As I pray and prepare for this trip, I believe that God is preparing me to love these people as He does, and to experience the heartbreak that He has for them. I believe the hardest part of this trip for me will be to love and serve these people and then have to leave them. To experience the poverty, the sickness, the loneliness, and not be able to take them home with me. Oh I can only imagine the heartbreak I will feel, when I hold the orphan-sick with HIV, dirty and alone without parents to love and care for them. To be a mother for a moment to these children, to sing them sweet songs, to tell them about a Father that loves them and about a Son who died for them. 

Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Fill me with Your love so that I may love others as You do. 

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

When Fear and Faith Collide

You are standing in line at Six Flags, you have waited hours for this one roller coaster. Weeks of planning and saving, and the day has finally arrived! The anticipation and excitement has built up over time and as you inch closer to the ride, you feel like you could explode with joy. You are now standing at the gate, you are next in line. As you watch the roller coaster fly by, twisting, turning, climbing and dropping and as you hear the excited and terrified screams come from the riders it hits you: FEAR. I am about to do this, what if something goes wrong? You feel that familiar turning in your stomach. Now you find yourself mindlessly walking through the gate and strapping yourself into a potential death machine: Am I going to regret this? Suddenly the roller coaster jerks forward and it's too late to change your mind. You are in for the thrill ride of your life, you can either enjoy the moment despite the fear or you can let your fear consume your focus.

This is the story of my life.

As I enter into this new season of being in a relationship, I am obviously excited. Yet, just like the roller coaster story above, there are moments of fear and doubt. I have waited years for this season, yet as I find myself strapping in and committing, fear creeps in. I have a choice, I can let these fears overwhelm me and cause me to panic and run away screaming or I take a step in faith, despite the fear, and trust that God has good plans for me (Jer. 29:11). This season is full of making wonderful memories and very enjoyable dates yet it is also refining. When you choose to open yourself up, and be vulnerable you risk being hurt. The lies and insecurities that once felt far away are now so close, and at times it seems like I could very easily drown in the sea of insecurity and lies.

But as I take a deep breath, and turn my eyes to Christ, it is then that I remember the truth. When I look at Christ I find clarity and perspective. He is my hope, my rock, my savior, my redeemer, the lover of my soul, and my God. He defines me.



So friends, no matter where you find yourself in this roller coaster life, remember that Christ is your anchor and that His Word is always true. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you, resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 5:1


~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

A New Adventure-God's Faithfulness

The journey began about a year ago. I was in Texas, at Teen Mania Ministries serving as a second year intern. I began to seek God and ask Him about His will for my future regarding dating, "God will it ever happen? Will have to wait 5 more years? What's the deal?" and all the other questions that young woman ask God about their future. As I continued to pray in the days and weeks to come I felt God begin to challenge me with a few things. 

• "Casey, what if the man I have for you, isn't at all what you have in mind?"

That one stopped me in my tracks, literally (I was walking and praying). So, I surrendered my list of ideal or perfect qualities I wanted in a man. 

• "Casey, I want you to prepare yourself to be in a relationship a year from now."

Umm...excuse me God, do you not realize that I moving back to the Northwest? There are no single, godly men there! But ok, I guess I will just keep reading books, and seeking Your face, but I really don't think this is going to happen.


Fast forward.....
January 2011. 


I have lived in here for 6 months and life is great, I remembered God's promise about the relationship, and seeing as there were no prospects thought, "Well maybe I will meet a missionary on my trip to Ethiopia in May, maybe that was God's plan...I could do that."


My roommate excitedly told me one night, "I have met the perfect man for you!" I literally laughed in her face. She said he was totally my type, from Texas and was here as a college semester missionary. I was not interested. But told her I would meet him. His name is Phillip Grant.


I met him and he seemed pretty legit, he loved the Lord, we had similar interests, and we got along, oh and he was pretty cute. As time went on, I found myself serving with his ministry and hanging out with him and other people. Within a few weeks, I had to admit, I was attracted to him. I started praying, everyday about these feelings, I didn't want them and I was pretty sure he wasn't interested. The feelings didn't go away and the more we hung out the more I wondered..."God, was this the answer to your promise?"


Over the next two months, we had a few conversations about our feelings for each other. We both wanted to pray about the future and see what God's will is. And for the next month and a half I wrestled with God, and waited for an answer. The more I got to know Phillip, the more attracted to him I was. I prayed that God would close the door if that was His will, and I prayed that God would make it painfully clear if moving forward was wrong. It was the hardest season yet, neither of us were sure. I had peace about moving forward, but knew that Phillip had some things he wanted to work out with the Lord, so I had to wait.


One week ago, I had made up my mind to take a step back from our relationship because I was starting to be really emotionally invested, that same night Phillip asked me to join him on a walk. And after a few agonizing minutes of talking he asked the question I had been hoping to hear, "Casey, I am asking if I can pursue you?" 


My reaction was quite dramatic, I was ready to walk away and now this amazing man is FINALLY asking to pursue me! I threw my bag down on the ground, and shouted, "Are you kidding me God?!" and laughed only to realize poor Phillip had no idea what was going on! So I explained and then excitedly got up and hugged him. We then took a two hour walk around the park, he told me all the reasons he wanted to pursue me--and what woman doesn't want to hear that?! And we talked about boundaries, ministry and what we wanted the relationship to look like, and we prayed together.


As we began to go out on dates, and pursue the Lord, we had a lot of peace about the relationship and where God has us on this adventure. It is now public knowledge, which I am very excited to share. :) It's been a week, and I still have all those giddy feelings, and yes I would even admit that I glow a little.


In all my waiting and all my dreaming I would have never thought of this, and it was harder but so much better than I ever could have imagined. And God honored His promise of a relationship and of a season of getting the desires of my hearts...a wonderful Godly boyfriend and a mission trip to Africa.


God is faithful.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

On Christ the solid rock I stand...

"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand"

Have you ever had God shake up your life? Things that you were confident in suddenly fail you? Your perfect plan goes completely wrong? 

As many of you know, I like to be in control, I like to plan and be prepared. I have been reminded a lot recently that I can not be in control and the God is the only One who has a perfect plan. Often, I can get so caught up in my plan, and my ideas of how things should be that when God changes my plan, I get angry! Can anyone relate?


I realize now, more than ever, that my desire to be in control of situations stems from a desire to protect myself. If I am in control than I do not get hurt by 'surprises'. This seems perfectly logical in the moment, but I forgot one small detail...I am human which means I am sinful and imperfect. Which also means, I can hurt not only myself, but others.


Lately I have come up against a few challenges that cause me to wonder what in the world God is doing in my life. God has promised me that this season would be one of adventure and that I would see some of the deepest desires of my heart come to fruition. Notice that God didn't tell me which desires? Funny how He does that. He gives me enough of a promise to remain hopeful and yet not enough specifics for me to make it happen without Him.


My desire for control is a lack of trust. I doubt that God will come through and I fear being hurt or disappointed so I try to find security in 'knowing' something, anything. The more I try and control, the more my life seems to spin out of control. I find myself worried, depressed and anxious. In those times that my life spirals downward I am reminded, Christ is constant. He is solid ground. If I can just let go of control, if I can keep my eyes on Christ instead of on the wind and the waves of the storm of life, I can find peace. 


I don't have all the answers, in fact I have even more questions. But one things remains, Jesus. When I seek Him, I will find Him. And I may not get the answers I so deeply desire, but I can find rest and shelter in the shadow of His wings. 


Lord,
Forgive me for desiring blessings and answers instead of desiring You.
Father, You have perfect plans for me. 
I trust in You alone, You are the solid rock that I stand on.
Capture my heart once more Jesus, and may my eyes be fixed on You.
Hold my hand through these valleys of darkness
and may I find the treasures You have hidden there for me.
Draw me closer God and use my weakness for Your glory.


~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay