SURPRISE!!!!

I'M HOME!!!By the grace and mercy of God I was able to come home and surprise my family and best friend, for Thanksgiving. They were so suprised! My Daddy picked me up at the airport at 11:30am and drove me home. I went into the house behind him, and my mom looked at me for a second then went back to cleaning! My Dad said, "Honey, there's some one standing by the door." She looked again and actually saw me! She screamed and then cried as she hugged me. My sisters soon followed. After spending sometime with them, I went to SamanthaMarie's house. That was one of the best surprises ever!

I called her, and talked with her like normal, (thinking I was still in Texas). I knocked on her door. While still talking with me on the phone, she asks "who is it?". Of course, I can't answer. She slowly opens the door. And then steps back and says, "Are you really here right now?!" Looking back at her phone. It was great!

It is so surreal being back at home, it's like I never left, but at the same time, I know I'll be leaving on Sunday morning. SamanthaMarie and I have kept in touch so well, and my family as well. *sigh* God is good. I have missed home so much. Yet I miss the HA a little too. Balance. God has a plan for me, and I am so glad. This is so good for my Mom, she has missed me so much.

More than likely the next 4 days will be spent with little sleep, but lots of memories. (Did I mention I have a final when I get back?)

God is such a great Daddy-He gives great gifts. (Pictures coming soon)

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

I'm still here :)

Sorry that it's taken me so long to update and sadly, I don't have much time so this won't be too long.

I am working hard here at the HA, though we have been under heavy spiritual attack. I have definatley been learning the power of prayer and loving even when you do not want to. I have so much to tell you! 2 weeks ago I completed a 3 day fast and I had some revelation coming out of that. This will be the topic of my next blog. Also please feel free to add me on facebook, I have loads of pictures and updates on there. If you have trouble finging me let me know or if you follow Pamela (Pen to Paper, Spirit to Soul) then you can ask her as well.

I am praying for you all and will go check out your blogs soon!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

The Greatest Love

*I wish I could read you this out loud so you could get the full effect but I don't know how to do that*

"The Greatest Love"
by CaseyMay

There are many symbols of love.

The heart,
pink or red, whole and passionate,
but made to be broken.

Flowers,
colorful, beautiful, fragrant,
but withers in days.

Chocolate,
sweet, smooth and rich,
but runs out all too soon.

The ring,
A young woman's most sought after possession,
A beautiful ring that means "I'll love you forever",
expensive, beautiful, forever,
but alas,
there are trials and tribulations, the dreaded drain in the sink, and hurt feelings

So which is the greatest symbol of love?
The Cross
Rugged and bloodstained,
Where the greatest act of love was displayed for all to see,
Jesus, Son of God, blameless, Holy, Lamb of God,
broken, beaten and punished,
for your sins.
Scourged, mocked, beaten carried His own cross to His death,
Then nailed to it through His hands and His feet.
Hanging there for you,
So that you may choose life everlasting,
Yet knowing that you may never choose Him.
There He died, a slow, painful death,
the weight of your sins on His shoulders.

The Cross-
Who will take that for you?
Your best friend?
Your Family?
Or even your husband?
No-not even them.

What will you do for the One who gave it all for you?
Will you give your life to Him?
Will you serve Him and others?
Will you give up your own desires?

What wouldn't you do for the One who saved you?

He gave everything,
Isn't it only fair that you do the same?

*just one thing I leanred from my fast*

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Around the Mountain AGAIN

Well Friends, I am again going around the mountain. I am wrestling with God and fighting Him. I am trying to work throuh some deep issues and emotional dependence. I am forcing myself, for a week, to not talk about how I am feeling with anyone bu t God, I wish I could tell you how hard that is for me. So I will not be using this for an outlet either, please pray for me as I wrestle with God, pray that He quickly wins and that I surrender to His truth and abandon the lies I have been holding onto.

Hope everything is going well!

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

So much wondering

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, I will be writing about ESOAL soon, but right now there is another thing pressed upon my heart.

I am so confused right now, which more than likely is exactly where God wants me. I have been learning so much about how to battle my flesh (sinful nature) it is so much harder than it sounds. When you are tempted and you have the choice to indulge or to walk away, your flesh screams out "DO IT" and your spirit cries out "WALK AWAY". You are conflicted. Will you choose what "feels" or "sounds" good or right in the moment, or will you choose to die to yourself and walk away knowing your reward is eternal.

This is SO hard for me. I am struggling with a lot of the lies I have believed and that continue to surface. I am faced everyday with the choice, to live for God or to live for my flesh, this question arises multiple times daily.

I am being forced to confront my past, my present, my future and my sin. It stares me in the face, and forces me to look, it's ugly and unpleasent and painful.

Who will I serve? My flesh or my God?

Only time will tell....

Time is one thing I fear can run out at any moment, and there is so much more I want to know...patience?

*sigh*

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

The HA Rollercoaster

So, here at the HA we are preparing for our first LTE (life transforming event) called ESOAL (emotionally stretching opportunity of a lifetime). This is why I have been getting up at 4:30 AM Monday through Friday to go train for ESOAL. We are learning that emotions shouldn't and don't control you. This is what ESOAL is all about you can check out the link below to see the video and I promise it looks worse than it is (I have talked to past ESOAL participants about this)

http://www.honoracademy.com/esoal.php

In light of my previous blog, I am learning that emotions don't dictate my decisions. I am fighting my feelings of homesickness as much as I would LOVE to go back home, I know that I MUST stay here for now. And as much as I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for my SamanthaMarie to come down and save me, I can't let her because God, for some reason, wants me to work through this, and one of my biggest issues is that I don't like being alone. So He is continuing to refine me and help me work through things.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement. Please keep me in your prayers ESPECIALLY during ESOAL Spet 18-22nd (we don't know when it officially ends, and I could ring out before it ends, but let's hope not!)

Love you all!
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Homesick

So I am sitting here at a computer, seeing what's going on in other people's lives back home and I am begining to realize that life as I knew it is moving on without me.

I so badly want to go back home and say "Hey! Everyone Remember ME!" Turns out it's hard to maintain relationships from 2000 miles away sustained on only phone calls that seem to recently be filled with akward silience.

I want to go home. My heart is sad, I want my old life back, my family, my best friend, my job, my church. I just want things to be normal and comfortable. I want to go back to sharing a room with only 1 person instead of 5, and to share an actual bathroom instead of a community one. I want hugs and back rubs and smiles and a safe place to just be me.

I want to stay here because I am getting closer to God, but I hate that I feel so alone here and so seperated from eveyone. I am going to spend my birthday away from my sisters next Friday. I will not be going out to dinner with my family to celebrate, instead I will get up at 4:30 AM for corporate exercise, then go to work and have dinner in the cafeteria with my core. I will not have my family or my best friend, or a birthday cake (I may have one on Saturday).

I didn't know it would be this hard.

The life I knew is not the life I know anymore. They say change is good. But I say change is painful.

*bleh*
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay