A Stirring in My Heart

Hello friends! I, regrettably, have been absent from blog world recently. But, I am feeling refreshed and renewed with an exciting, and intimidating vision from the Lord. My journey will start here, in blog land. You are invited to investigate with me, "What is a Biblical Woman?" Now, I know that many of you already have such a firm grasp on this, so please be patient with me if I am repeating what you already know.

As a 24 year old college student, newlywed and pastor's wife, I hear a lot of different views and opinions of what a woman should be, but only one thing really matters to me, what does God say a woman should be? If we are made in God's image, what attributes of God are we to bear? What does it look like to be a woman devoted to the Lord? How does culture influence our perception of Biblical Womanhood? What does it really mean to submit to my husband as I submit to the Lord?

Ultimately...What does it mean to be a woman?

This will be an exciting adventure, and I am sure many of us will be surprised by what we learn about God, ourselves, and the culture we live in.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

An Issue of Pride

It has lately come to my attention that in almost all of my outward sin issues, the root of it all is pride.

Let me give you a very real example. And maybe this will hit home for some of you too.

Yesterday I stumbled across a blog by a good friend of mine, he included a youtube video from C.J. Mahaney (click here to see it). This sermon addresses immodesty, a topic that I have taught on for a long time and very much supported. As I listened to this sermon I was struck by a concept time and time again: PRIDE.

Just the day before I was having a "I'm a girl and I cry sometimes..." moment. It had been a hard day for me emotionally, and I was just struggling with insecurity. I laid my head on my husbands chest, crying and trying my best to explain to him why I felt so bad, it was swimsuit season and I didn't look how I wanted to and due to many factors it is more difficult for me to be super fit/physically active. He listened so well, and encouraged me as best he could. I found myself saying, "I know this seems prideful, BUT...I just want others people to think that I, as your wife, am good looking. I want you to be proud to be with me..."

Anyone else ever think this way? Well, as I listened to CJ Mahaney talk about modesty being an attitude, I listened, checking my heart being careful not to think I had this modesty thing down. And then it hit me. As he asked a series of questions, I began to realize, I was striving to catch other people's eyes by my appearance. Subtly, I had believed the lies that my appearance was of higher value than my character.

Now, don't get me wrong, it is not a sin to look nice. But what I realized was that I was desiring other's attention for my own pride. I excused this away saying, "I am not trying to seduce anyone" "I just want to look nice". But what I didn't realize, what I failed to see, was the reason behind this desire. PRIDE.

It was my pride that fed my desire to be noticed for my outward appearance instead of my godly character. Some of you might say I am over-reacting, but I am really? Or maybe what has happened, is because of our culture we have easily pushed aside the truth and justified our desire to want everyone's attention, to be noticed for our cute clothes (even if they are modest), noticed for our hair or make-up, wanting to hear others tell us how beautiful or good looking we are.

I remember laying in bed about a year and a half ago, talking with my best friend Samantha. Since we shared a room, she always had the 'privilege' to process with me before going to sleep. During this time I had not yet starting dating my husband, we were just friends. I remember crying, telling her how much I wished I was thinner, and prettier, that I would be noticed for my good looks, because in every conversation with Phillip he rarely told me I was beautiful, but instead loved my godly character. And I was tired of hearing that, I didn't want to be someone's girlfriend because of my godliness, I wanted to be their prized possession, their "beauty". Looking back now, this seems almost comical. Considering this verse especially, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is worthy of praise."

Maybe it is because we are constantly bombarded with ads that promote fighting aging, loosing weight, make up tips, plastic surgery, and 100 ways to win a man. But what would it look like, what would we feel like, if we just believed the truth? If we cultivated godly character instead of collections of make-up tips and fashion magazines? If we stopped trying to turn heads for our own pride and ego, and started bowing our heads and praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ?

What if we put aside our pride and picked up our cross instead- letting the God who created beauty, radiate through us as His Holy Spirit works in us?

~Set Apart for Him~

CaseyMay

A Vulnerable Moment

Hello readers,

I know I said I transferred blogs, and I have. But I still want to post here too. :)

We've been married two months now! Marriage is wonderful, and there has been a lot of learning and growing in the last 60 days.

I can't recall if I have mentioned this subject before on my blog, but I am just needing to share a little bit about what God is doing in my life, and in my heart.

Like many women, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, (PCOS). Without going into too much detail I will explain what this means. Basically, my body doesn't produce enough of the female hormones to cause me to have a monthly cycle. This effects my ability to conceive.

Many of you may be asking, "Are you trying to get pregnant? You just got married!". I have heard this reply many times. And yes, we are trying, rather we are trusting God to give us a child in His timing.
As my husband and I have prayed and sought the Lord,  we have decided not to use fertility drugs to get pregnant.

I have always wanted to be a mother. Always. I know that is what I created to be. I have known for years that it would be very difficult to get pregnant and I didn't worry too much about it because I was single. But now that I am married, being pregnant is a possibility (though right now, a very unlikely one).

I can't adequately explain to you what this process is like. I can only equate it to a previous season of my life. When I was waiting for God to bring me my husband. I experienced pain watching others live out the desire of my heart, I knew God was going to give me this promise in His timing, but the waiting was painful and the questions in my heart often caused the tears to fall from my eyes. This is where trust is built. This is where God gets the glory in our darkest hours of the unknown. This is waiting.

This is my journey. This is where my heart tears, into wanting something so badly but surrendering to God's will. I am so happy for my many friends that are welcoming new little babies into their families, and I know that someday I will have one of my own, either naturally or through adoption. I know this waiting is worth it in the end, but my heart longs for the day that this promise is delivered.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen... By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since SHE CONSIDERED HIM FAITHFUL WHO HAD PROMISED." Hebrews 11:1,9-11

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

The Promise

Hello Readers! (if any of you are still there!)

Well, it is official, I am married! March 10, 2012 in my hometown, I married the love of my life. It was perfect, in everyway. I will be posting pictures soon! Please visit our family blog to keep up to date with married life!

www.forhisgloryandourgood.blogspot.com


Next post: A Call I Did Not Want....

NEW BLOG

Hello faithful followers!

I have some exciting news! In light of getting married in just 31 days! (WoooHooo!!!) my soon-to-be husband and I have started a new blog. My hope is that I can write in two blogs at once, but that may be difficult. So I would kindly ask that you follow our new blog:

www.forhisgloryandourgood.blogspot.com

Please, please, please follow it. I am so excited, and am hoping to put up quite a few entries between now and the wedding!

I love you all!

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Weary, but not defeated

It has been a rough couple of weeks. I believe the Lord is refining me in a lot of difficult ways. This process has shown me so much of my sin, my selfishness, jealousy, impatience, judgement, wicked, deceitful motives. It has been quite the humbling experience.


In these past few days it has been exceedingly difficult emotionally. As a woman, these emotions can seem unbearable and overwhelming. We all have those times when the lies seem like the truth. It has been a battle of the mind this week.


Like a soldier in battle, I fought passionately and valiantly.
But I soon found myself in over my head.
My morale was low.
I was wounded.
And I had no more strength to fight.
I was running low on ammunition.
It appeared that I was going to succumb to defeat.


But God is ever-faithful to be our strength.
He has given me fellow soldiers of the faith to speak truth over me.
To strength my weary arms.
And the Holy Spirit to equip me with the power of Jesus Christ.


I am in a season with many unknowns.
Which means I have many opportunities to trust God.
And I often fail.
I could make many excuses for my feelings that don't align with the truth of God's word.
But those excuses don't change my situation.


So, what do we do? How do we overcome? How do I get through this season that seems so incredibly hard, and at some times very unfair?


An all too familiar passage comes to mind. Philippians 4:6-8 (emphasis mine)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 ⁸ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

So, we are to pray about everything, especially the things that cause us anxiety. We are also to be thankful. (Why does it seem like I always forget that part?!) Have you noticed that when we pause to thank God for all He has given us that we have  a better attitude?
We also must think about good things! We can't keep ourselves in this vicious cycle of negativity! We must think about things that are true, right, pure, honorable, lovely, and praiseworthy. 


I believe this is key to overcoming and gaining victory in the battle of the mind through Jesus Christ. I will not pretend to be perfect, I am probably the worst at this, and I am still trying to apply this to my life.


~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

Choosing Contentment

The last few months have been crazy busy. But so good.


I have noticed that often many women struggle with being content, and truly letting themselves trust God with their daily lives, and their future. I am not an exception to this, in fact I am probably the poster-child of such a woman.


Why is it so hard to trust God? It says in Genesis 3:16 it says:

I will greatly multiply 
Your pain ^[e]in childbirth, 
In pain you will ^(Q)bring forth children; 
Yet your desire will be for your husband, 
And ^(R)he will rule over you.”

 I have read many books that say this "desire for your husband" will be a desire to control and manipulate. At first I wasn't sure about that, but now I understand. Women like to be in control, I think it is so we can protect ourselves from the unknowns of life. I have been studying and meditating on contentment a lot over the last few weeks. I am finding that true contentment comes when you trust God for your today and your tomorrows. Just recently I looked back over the last few months and realized, with a heavy heart, that I have missed out on so many happy moments because I have been anxious or worried about the future. Growing up my mother always called me a "know-it-all" and "curious-George", I wanted to know everything-even then.


Sometimes I wonder why I didn't learn this before entering into my relationship with Phillip, but then I realize that this maybe the very sanctification God brings when you are in a relationship. (Ephesians 5) So how do I learn to be content?


I must not worry about tomorrow, but trust God to help me daily. (Matthew 6:34) Not compare my life with anyone else, or wish things were different than they are. (These principles taken from the book Calming the Anxious Heart).


This is not an easy lesson to apply, it is always a choice. And I know there is freedom in trusting God, and trusting His timing. I don't want to miss out of the joys of today because I am worried about the things of tomorrow. 


~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay