His Beautiful Promises of a Set Apart Life

NEW BLOG

2012-02-07T12:10:00.001-07:00

Hello faithful followers!

I have some exciting news! In light of getting married in just 31 days! (WoooHooo!!!) my soon-to-be husband and I have started a new blog. My hope is that I can write in two blogs at once, but that may be difficult. So I would kindly ask that you follow our new blog:

www.forhisgloryandourgood.blogspot.com

Please, please, please follow it. I am so excited, and am hoping to put up quite a few entries between now and the wedding!

I love you all!

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Weary, but not defeated

2011-11-18T22:28:00.001-07:00

It has been a rough couple of weeks. I believe the Lord is refining me in a lot of difficult ways. This process has shown me so much of my sin, my selfishness, jealousy, impatience, judgement, wicked, deceitful motives. It has been quite the humbling experience.

In these past few days it has been exceedingly difficult emotionally. As a woman, these emotions can seem unbearable and overwhelming. We all have those times when the lies seem like the truth. It has been a battle of the mind this week.

Like a soldier in battle, I fought passionately and valiantly.
But I soon found myself in over my head.
My morale was low.
I was wounded.
And I had no more strength to fight.
I was running low on ammunition.
It appeared that I was going to succumb to defeat.

But God is ever-faithful to be our strength.
He has given me fellow soldiers of the faith to speak truth over me.
To strength my weary arms.
And the Holy Spirit to equip me with the power of Jesus Christ.

I am in a season with many unknowns.
Which means I have many opportunities to trust God.
And I often fail.
I could make many excuses for my feelings that don't align with the truth of God's word.
But those excuses don't change my situation.

So, what do we do? How do we overcome? How do I get through this season that seems so incredibly hard, and at some times very unfair?

An all too familiar passage comes to mind. Philippians 4:6-8 (emphasis mine)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

So, we are to pray about everything, especially the things that cause us anxiety. We are also to be thankful. (Why does it seem like I always forget that part?!) Have you noticed that when we pause to thank God for all He has given us that we have a better attitude?
We also must think about good things! We can't keep ourselves in this vicious cycle of negativity! We must think about things that are true, right, pure, honorable, lovely, and praiseworthy.

I believe this is key to overcoming and gaining victory in the battle of the mind through Jesus Christ. I will not pretend to be perfect, I am probably the worst at this, and I am still trying to apply this to my life.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

Choosing Contentment

2011-11-08T12:14:00.002-07:00

The last few months have been crazy busy. But so good.

I have noticed that often many women struggle with being content, and truly letting themselves trust God with their daily lives, and their future. I am not an exception to this, in fact I am probably the poster-child of such a woman.

Why is it so hard to trust God? It says in Genesis 3:16 it says:

I will greatly multiply
Your pain ^[e]in childbirth,
In pain you will ^(Q)bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And ^(R)he will rule over you.”

I have read many books that say this "desire for your husband" will be a desire to control and manipulate. At first I wasn't sure about that, but now I understand. Women like to be in control, I think it is so we can protect ourselves from the unknowns of life. I have been studying and meditating on contentment a lot over the last few weeks. I am finding that true contentment comes when you trust God for your today and your tomorrows. Just recently I looked back over the last few months and realized, with a heavy heart, that I have missed out on so many happy moments because I have been anxious or worried about the future. Growing up my mother always called me a "know-it-all" and "curious-George", I wanted to know everything-even then.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't learn this before entering into my relationship with Phillip, but then I realize that this maybe the very sanctification God brings when you are in a relationship. (Ephesians 5) So how do I learn to be content?

I must not worry about tomorrow, but trust God to help me daily. (Matthew 6:34) Not compare my life with anyone else, or wish things were different than they are. (These principles taken from the book Calming the Anxious Heart).

This is not an easy lesson to apply, it is always a choice. And I know there is freedom in trusting God, and trusting His timing. I don't want to miss out of the joys of today because I am worried about the things of tomorrow.

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Looking back to help me look forward

2011-09-16T10:01:00.000-06:00

I seem to find myself in a transition of a transition. (yes that is repetitive, and somewhat confusing).

It is like I am walking down a road, and so far this road has had some twists and turns, and some rough terrain but the scenery and general direction has been the same. And now, as I continue walking I am seeing some very small changes that lead me to believe this road is transitioning. The trees are thinning out, the flowers along the road are different, and in the distance I think I can see a sharp turn in the road, but I do not know what is around the corner.

This can spark some fear, or apprehension for me. But before I let the fear of the unknown overtake me, I stop walking and look at the road I have behind me. Though I cannot see the road in its entirety, I can remember it well in my mind. I see the place I started, a barren dessert land, with an uncharted path in front of me. I can remember losing my way and straying from the path a few times, finding myself if some very scary situations, and calling for help and being rescued. I can remember the joy I had when seeing the first signs of life, flowers, animals, green lush grass. I remember other turns in the road that scared me, drop off edges with only a narrow path to walk. I was so afraid, but I knew that I had to move forward, and once I made it safely I saw the most beautiful site yet-a peaceful flower filled meadow. And then there were those forks in the road, deciding which path to take. At times the choice was clear, and at other points I just had to trust my intuition. And all these things led me to the road I am on right now.

So as I approach this new part of the road, with this unknown corner and unknown conditions, instead of being fearful, I choose to be excited, for this is just another adventure, and around that corner could be the best part of this journey so far and if it is not, than I know that this road is leading me closer to the One that created me, and His plan is better than mine.

Sadly walking out of this season into another unknown. But the Lord is faithful, and my heart is thankful.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Surrender

2011-08-31T08:00:00.003-06:00

What does it mean to surrender?

Dictionary. com defines the word surrender as "to yield to the possession or power of another....to give up, abandon, or relinquish...to yield or resign..."

Surrender is not a happy word. How often do we hear that we need to 'surrender to God'? Every time someone says that to me, a cringe a little. Why? Because I am a recovering control freak, and I am a prideful human being that doesn't like to be under someone's authority, even God's. How easy is it for us to yield our control to someone else? To give up control of our lives to someone else, in the small thing and the big things?

Imagine walking down the street and some random person approaching you and asking you if they could decide what clothes you wear or what you eat or how you handle your money or pick out your spouse. I bet that many of us would not surrender our lives over to a stranger, but what if it was someone you knew? Someone you trusted? What if they were the wisest, most responsible person you knew?

What if that person was all knowing, all powerful, unchanging God?

"Well, of course I would trust God" It is easy to say that, but let's take this a step further...If you are a follower of Christ, then your life is not your own. (1 Cor. 6:19-20) You are under the headship of Christ (1 Cor. 11:3). God has given us everything (Colossians 1:16-19) therefore nothing is truly ours, small or large. Friends, it is not easy to yield our lives to Christ, surrendering or relinquishing our control to God is not always pleasant. As a woman that struggles with remembering that God is the one in control, instead of me, I often find that I take back control and have to let go once more, painfully.

Even though surrender is painful and somewhat scary, it is so necessary. God knows everything, He is perfect, He is all knowing, and His plans are always good. Like a parent who knows what their child needs, good food, rest, water, exercise, the child doesn't always like what is best for them. God is our Father, and He knows what is best, and that is keeping Him as the center of our lives, and the one that is in control of out lives.

Surrender to God out of love for Him, and because He is worthy of it. Our lives are reflections of what God and He wants to use our lives for His glory.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Cheerio's, Pandora, and my thoughts after a very difficult evening

2011-08-29T23:22:00.000-06:00

I admit it, I eat when I am emotional/stressed/unsettled, but at least this time it is just a bowl of Cheerio's--they are good for the heart right?

Well my friends, I find myself learning a lot today. The Lord is faithful to reveal the true condition of my heart, which today was full of ungratefulness, jealousy, and much more. As I sit here in my tiny bedroom, listening to various Christian stations on Pandora, and yes eating my Cheerio's, all I am left with is the assurance that God never changes.

It seems that this evening the enemy would love for me to give up, to let this worry, and fear overwhelm me. It is one thing for us to look back on our mistakes and learn from them, it is another thing all together to let those mistakes define us. It is easy to feel defeated or to let doubt drive our decisions. I know that today I decided that I wasn't the problem, everything else was, that if I could just change something in my life (church, school, jobs, etc) that THEN I would feel better, happier.

But we are not to run away from our problems dear friends, and we can't just run away, escape or drastically change our lives when things get hard. No, no. This is what I am learning, that today, right now, I have a choice. I can keep 'coping' by trying to find a magic combination of right steps to take so that I am happy OR I can trust that God is going to be faithful to do what He promised, and TRUST that His plans for me are good and for the glory of His name He is going to work everything out.

Trust that God is going to be faithful to provide ALL of our needs
Trust that God is going to give you what He has promised you
Trust that this hard time is going to grow you closer to God and that He is going to work it out for good!
Trust that His Word is TRUE, even when it doesn't feel like it
Trust that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, He never changes, He was faithful before and He will be faithful again
TRUST that God hears my prayers, and will answer me

Easier said than done right?

But then what in the world do we do about these darn emotions we have? Great question, I love the Psalms, because they are full of emotion. So let me share with you one of my favorites. Remember that our enemy (Satan) wants us to be discouraged and depressed so that we don't share God's love with others. Remember my friends, Satan has been defeated by Jesus Christ's death and Resurrection! So take heart as you read this:

Psalm 70

¹ ^(A)O God, hasten to deliver me;
O LORD, hasten to my help!
² ^(B)Let those be ashamed and humiliated
Who seek my ^[a]life;
Let those be turned back and dishonored
Who delight ^[b]in my hurt.
³ ^(C)Let those be ^[c]turned back because of their shame
Who say, “Aha, aha!”
⁴ Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
And let those who love Your salvation say continually,
“Let God be magnified.”
⁵ But ^(D)I am afflicted and needy;
^(E)Hasten to me, O God!
You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay.

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

....Next Post: Surrender...

Reflections, a year later...

2011-08-25T14:43:00.000-06:00

A year ago, I was just moving back to Idaho. I was in a transition, a season of isolation and refinement according to my post a year ago. So much has changed, and yet much has stayed the same. Funny how that works?

Now I find myself in a very familiar season, one of loneliness, more refinement and tons of testing of my faith. And yet, these situations are so different from a year ago. I am more mature now, and have learned so much since being here. God has given me some of the deepest desires of my heart, the ones I was just hoping for on a whim last year-they have now come to fruition.

I have been dating Phillip for about 4 1/2 months now, which brings me so much joy and also so much refinement-I am realizing more and more how sinful I really am, and how much I need Jesus. I have been to Africa and worked in an orphanage, caring for 2 months old that weigh less than 5 lbs. I am now in a different transition of sorts, my best friend is moving 10hrs away to do a year long internship and I could be in my last year of non-married life. Crazy. I learning that what my life really comes down to in Christ, so no matter what situation I face I just have to trust Him and if I put my hope in Him then my heart will find hope and take courage despite trials.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

I think this has been my longest absense...

2011-08-25T14:07:00.000-06:00

I am so sorry my blogging friends! It seems that time has gotten away from me, so many times I have wanted to post on here and every time it just seemed too overwhelming. So much has happened in the last few months, I went to Ethiopia-which was so life-changing, I am determined to go back and bring home some children after I get married. The Lord taught me so much about how He cares for the orphan and the widow, and reminded me that He knows the hurt and the pain, and He is moving in Africa friends, in mighty ways!

I got back to the US and went to Texas for a week to visit my boyfriends family, and upon finally returning to Idaho, I started 3 part time nanny jobs. Along with a summer packed with ministry activities, work, and a small social life, things started to get really crazy and thus no blogging, which I have greatly missed. I love writing to you all, even if no one reads it, I enjoy it so much, so now that things are hopefully slowing down a bit, I will be on here more. *fingers crossed*

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

In Awe

2011-05-09T14:17:00.000-06:00

Well friends, the count down has begun! 4 days until I leave for Africa. I can't believe it. God had proved faithful time and time again to provide for me! I now only need $174.16, which is great and I know that God will provide for that. It is amazing how He works in ways we would never expect.

As I prepare for the trip, I find myself excited, anxious and a little scared. I can not believe that after 7 years I am finally going to Africa to work with orphans for 10 days. Psalm 37 promises that God will give us the desires of our hearts if we cultivate faithfulness, and commit our way to Him. And this has been so true in my life. I can't tell you how many times I have read that psalm over the last couple of years, it has sustained me in the darkest times.

I would have never imagined that God would bless me like He has the last few months. It is all for His glory, and He is refining me into His image. I have been learning to trust in the Lord, in His plan, provision and timing. I have been blessed beyond belief, as people pray for me, and encourage me in this adventure.

As I pray and prepare for this trip, I believe that God is preparing me to love these people as He does, and to experience the heartbreak that He has for them. I believe the hardest part of this trip for me will be to love and serve these people and then have to leave them. To experience the poverty, the sickness, the loneliness, and not be able to take them home with me. Oh I can only imagine the heartbreak I will feel, when I hold the orphan-sick with HIV, dirty and alone without parents to love and care for them. To be a mother for a moment to these children, to sing them sweet songs, to tell them about a Father that loves them and about a Son who died for them.

Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Fill me with Your love so that I may love others as You do.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

When Fear and Faith Collide

2011-04-18T13:15:00.000-06:00

You are standing in line at Six Flags, you have waited hours for this one roller coaster. Weeks of planning and saving, and the day has finally arrived! The anticipation and excitement has built up over time and as you inch closer to the ride, you feel like you could explode with joy. You are now standing at the gate, you are next in line. As you watch the roller coaster fly by, twisting, turning, climbing and dropping and as you hear the excited and terrified screams come from the riders it hits you: FEAR. I am about to do this, what if something goes wrong? You feel that familiar turning in your stomach. Now you find yourself mindlessly walking through the gate and strapping yourself into a potential death machine: Am I going to regret this? Suddenly the roller coaster jerks forward and it's too late to change your mind. You are in for the thrill ride of your life, you can either enjoy the moment despite the fear or you can let your fear consume your focus.

This is the story of my life.

As I enter into this new season of being in a relationship, I am obviously excited. Yet, just like the roller coaster story above, there are moments of fear and doubt. I have waited years for this season, yet as I find myself strapping in and committing, fear creeps in. I have a choice, I can let these fears overwhelm me and cause me to panic and run away screaming or I take a step in faith, despite the fear, and trust that God has good plans for me (Jer. 29:11). This season is full of making wonderful memories and very enjoyable dates yet it is also refining. When you choose to open yourself up, and be vulnerable you risk being hurt. The lies and insecurities that once felt far away are now so close, and at times it seems like I could very easily drown in the sea of insecurity and lies.

But as I take a deep breath, and turn my eyes to Christ, it is then that I remember the truth. When I look at Christ I find clarity and perspective. He is my hope, my rock, my savior, my redeemer, the lover of my soul, and my God. He defines me.

So friends, no matter where you find yourself in this roller coaster life, remember that Christ is your anchor and that His Word is always true. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you, resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 5:1

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

A New Adventure-God's Faithfulness

2011-04-14T14:11:00.000-06:00

The journey began about a year ago. I was in Texas, at Teen Mania Ministries serving as a second year intern. I began to seek God and ask Him about His will for my future regarding dating, "God will it ever happen? Will have to wait 5 more years? What's the deal?" and all the other questions that young woman ask God about their future. As I continued to pray in the days and weeks to come I felt God begin to challenge me with a few things.

"Casey, what if the man I have for you, isn't at all what you have in mind?"

That one stopped me in my tracks, literally (I was walking and praying). So, I surrendered my list of ideal or perfect qualities I wanted in a man.

"Casey, I want you to prepare yourself to be in a relationship a year from now."

Umm...excuse me God, do you not realize that I moving back to the Northwest? There are no single, godly men there! But ok, I guess I will just keep reading books, and seeking Your face, but I really don't think this is going to happen.

Fast forward.....
January 2011.

I have lived in here for 6 months and life is great, I remembered God's promise about the relationship, and seeing as there were no prospects thought, "Well maybe I will meet a missionary on my trip to Ethiopia in May, maybe that was God's plan...I could do that."

My roommate excitedly told me one night, "I have met the perfect man for you!" I literally laughed in her face. She said he was totally my type, from Texas and was here as a college semester missionary. I was not interested. But told her I would meet him. His name is Phillip Grant.

I met him and he seemed pretty legit, he loved the Lord, we had similar interests, and we got along, oh and he was pretty cute. As time went on, I found myself serving with his ministry and hanging out with him and other people. Within a few weeks, I had to admit, I was attracted to him. I started praying, everyday about these feelings, I didn't want them and I was pretty sure he wasn't interested. The feelings didn't go away and the more we hung out the more I wondered..."God, was this the answer to your promise?"

Over the next two months, we had a few conversations about our feelings for each other. We both wanted to pray about the future and see what God's will is. And for the next month and a half I wrestled with God, and waited for an answer. The more I got to know Phillip, the more attracted to him I was. I prayed that God would close the door if that was His will, and I prayed that God would make it painfully clear if moving forward was wrong. It was the hardest season yet, neither of us were sure. I had peace about moving forward, but knew that Phillip had some things he wanted to work out with the Lord, so I had to wait.

One week ago, I had made up my mind to take a step back from our relationship because I was starting to be really emotionally invested, that same night Phillip asked me to join him on a walk. And after a few agonizing minutes of talking he asked the question I had been hoping to hear, "Casey, I am asking if I can pursue you?"

My reaction was quite dramatic, I was ready to walk away and now this amazing man is FINALLY asking to pursue me! I threw my bag down on the ground, and shouted, "Are you kidding me God?!" and laughed only to realize poor Phillip had no idea what was going on! So I explained and then excitedly got up and hugged him. We then took a two hour walk around the park, he told me all the reasons he wanted to pursue me--and what woman doesn't want to hear that?! And we talked about boundaries, ministry and what we wanted the relationship to look like, and we prayed together.

As we began to go out on dates, and pursue the Lord, we had a lot of peace about the relationship and where God has us on this adventure. It is now public knowledge, which I am very excited to share. :) It's been a week, and I still have all those giddy feelings, and yes I would even admit that I glow a little.

In all my waiting and all my dreaming I would have never thought of this, and it was harder but so much better than I ever could have imagined. And God honored His promise of a relationship and of a season of getting the desires of my hearts...a wonderful Godly boyfriend and a mission trip to Africa.

God is faithful.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

On Christ the solid rock I stand...

2011-04-07T14:16:00.000-06:00

"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand"

Have you ever had God shake up your life? Things that you were confident in suddenly fail you? Your perfect plan goes completely wrong?

As many of you know, I like to be in control, I like to plan and be prepared. I have been reminded a lot recently that I can not be in control and the God is the only One who has a perfect plan. Often, I can get so caught up in my plan, and my ideas of how things should be that when God changes my plan, I get angry! Can anyone relate?

I realize now, more than ever, that my desire to be in control of situations stems from a desire to protect myself. If I am in control than I do not get hurt by 'surprises'. This seems perfectly logical in the moment, but I forgot one small detail...I am human which means I am sinful and imperfect. Which also means, I can hurt not only myself, but others.

Lately I have come up against a few challenges that cause me to wonder what in the world God is doing in my life. God has promised me that this season would be one of adventure and that I would see some of the deepest desires of my heart come to fruition. Notice that God didn't tell me which desires? Funny how He does that. He gives me enough of a promise to remain hopeful and yet not enough specifics for me to make it happen without Him.

My desire for control is a lack of trust. I doubt that God will come through and I fear being hurt or disappointed so I try to find security in 'knowing' something, anything. The more I try and control, the more my life seems to spin out of control. I find myself worried, depressed and anxious. In those times that my life spirals downward I am reminded, Christ is constant. He is solid ground. If I can just let go of control, if I can keep my eyes on Christ instead of on the wind and the waves of the storm of life, I can find peace.

I don't have all the answers, in fact I have even more questions. But one things remains, Jesus. When I seek Him, I will find Him. And I may not get the answers I so deeply desire, but I can find rest and shelter in the shadow of His wings.

Lord,
Forgive me for desiring blessings and answers instead of desiring You.
Father, You have perfect plans for me.
I trust in You alone, You are the solid rock that I stand on.
Capture my heart once more Jesus, and may my eyes be fixed on You.
Hold my hand through these valleys of darkness
and may I find the treasures You have hidden there for me.
Draw me closer God and use my weakness for Your glory.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

God is faithful

2011-04-07T13:52:00.000-06:00

This past few weeks have been crazy. My college group and I went up to Cheney, WA to serve over our Spring Break, we had a great time. As many of you know I have been rasing funds for my mission trip to Ethiopia, and I had a deadline the week we were in Cheney. I had only a matter of days to raise the money needed for my trip. I knew that God wanted me to go on this trip, but I had no more resources for the money. It became hard not to think about the upcoming deadline, and wonder "God are you going to come through like you promised?"

Saturday night, our last night in Cheney was the most difficult by far. We spent the whole day scraping off tape and wallpaper glue and didn't get it finished. Emotionally I was on my last straw, the upcoming deadline hung over my head like a huge weight ready to crush me and my dreams at any moment. As I prayed that night, I was frustrated. "God, I thought you promised this would be a season of getting the deepest desires of my heart? How is this going to work out? I can't ask anyone else for money, I need $535 and I can't get it. Lord, do you hear me? I am tired. I can't do this. So You are just going to have to make it happen."

The next morning, I found an envelope with my name on, sitting on my bag. It was from our host church, and with trembling hands I opened it, $700. More than enough to meet my deadline. And a reminder to my soul...

GOD IS FAITHFUL.

I told God if I could just make it through this deadline I knew He'd provide the rest! And I am standing in faith that He will. Only $1000 to go!

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

The beauty and pain of waiting

2011-03-25T14:06:00.000-06:00

God is faithful to deliver on His promises.

In His timing.

I am not confident that others would describe me as a patient woman, and for good reason. I don't like to wait, and I can be very impatient-especially when it is something I want so badly.

I know I am not the only one that has waited for something, or is waiting for something. All throughout scripture God makes His people wait. Abraham and Sarah waited until they were 90+ yrs old before God gave them a son! That is LONG time. The Israelites were in the desert for 40 years. Abraham didn't even get out of the desert. The word patience can also mean "long suffering"--no wonder I don't like to wait.

Many of us have heard it said, "Good things come to those who wait", and I know that phrase can be true and often times is true. Waiting is worth it. God's timing is perfect. Yet it is SO hard!

This season of life is full of waiting. Full of unanswered questions. Painful surrender of life long dreams, in exchange for God's will to be done in my life. It can be easy to lose hope, to want to give up. I occasionally find myself thinking, "Is this even worth it anymore? God do you hear my cries? Do you hear my petitions? I want an answer! I am tired of asking God, please just tell me something, anything?!" Dear friends, this is when the pain of "picking up our cross" becomes uncomfortable, painful and exhausting but Christ gives us the strength to carry on and we are reminded in His Word that our hope will be restored:

³More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Suffering produces endurance.
Endurance produces character.
Character produces hope.
Hope does not put us to shame.

"Hope does not put us to shame" Do you ever find yourself telling yourself, "Don't get your hopes up" because you don't want to be disappointed or to be humbled if you don't get the outcome you were anticipating? Hope. Not the kind of hope that says, "I hope it doesn't rain today" or "I hope I win the lottery". But the hope that brings life, the hope that delights in the same things God does. "I hope I get to go on the mission field and serve people with the love of Christ", you might not set foot on foreign soil for many many years, but your hope is not limited by your location, you have a mission field in front of you everyday. "I hope that I can be a wife someday" that hope is not contingent on your beauty, charm, skills and abilities because you are already called the Bride of Christ.

Is it not bad to want and desire something deeply. In fact the Lord says in Psalm 37:3-7a (emphasis mine)

³Trust in the LORD and do good;
     Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
   ⁴Delight yourself in the LORD;
   And He will give you the desires of your heart.
   ⁵Commit your way to the LORD,
   Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
   ⁶He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
   And your judgment as the noonday.
   ⁷Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

When my hope is in the Lord, my desires are conformed to His desires. That is a beautiful process, being conformed into the likeness of God, yet it is not without pain. "Suffering produces endurance" in the pain we are made stronger through Christ in us. The hope we cling to in this suffering, in this waiting, in this desert, is not that the desires of our heart would be given to us, but rather that the desires of our hearts are going to be aligned with God's heart for us, and His ways are always good. Therefore, let us rejoice dear friends in the trials so that God may be praised and glorified, and through our weakness He may shine through.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Weakness

2011-03-21T11:54:00.000-06:00

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Weakness. It is almost natural for us to turn away from that word as it applies to our lives. If someone were to ask me, "Casey, what would you say your top 3 weaknesses are?" I would probably be a little uncomfortable answering that question. I don't like to expose my weakness! I would much rather cover up my weakness and make it look pretty so that no one knows it is a weakness. For example, many of us over compensate for our weaknesses. We try to excel in another area of life in order to hide our weakness.

I don't think any of us would like to be described as weak, right? I also don't think that many of us enjoy exposing our biggest flaws, or weaknesses. Pride. I am a prideful person, that is one of my weaknesses. I don't like to be taken care of, I don't like having to rely on others, I don't like admitting that I can't do something, and I especially dislike being vulnerable.

I am realizing how much this can hinder me, not only in my relationships but also in my relationship with Christ. When I don't want to expose my weakness, I am not living in the light and I am not allowing myself to experience the Gospel. If you or I could save ourselves, be perfect, or work for our salvation, we wouldn't need Jesus Christ.

Pride can start a dangerous cycle. It starts small, not admitting when I am wrong, not asking for help, not sharing my struggles with my community, etc. As I continue to hide or cover up those areas of weakness, my relationship with Christ is hindered because I am now working to be 'good enough' or to 'fix' myself or a situation, I am not relying on Christ. Soon I am not only broken, but extremely exhausted trying to save myself and trying to pretend that I am strong and I am fooling no one. And then I am reminded:

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace. My inadequacy, my weakness, my brokenness allows Christ to shine through me. Have you heard it said, "Broken is beautiful"? It's true. I can not live my life in fear of being vulnerable or of needing others. God has given us the Body of Christ because He created us to need people and most importantly to need Him!

So I will boast in these weaknesses my dear friends, for when I am weak, He is strong. I struggle with doubt, I am impatient, I struggle managing my finances, I am prideful, and as much as I try to hide it, I do need the Body of Christ and I most definitely need Jesus. So let down those walls friends, risk the pain of being vulnerable, and allow Christ to say to you:

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

As for me, I am going to go find a friend and get a great big hug, because I could really use one, and maybe you do too. Today let us remind each other that there is grace is enough for everyone, and there is always room at the foot of the Cross. He is enough.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Peace

2011-03-17T21:42:00.000-06:00

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7

This week, has been a roller-coaster of emotions, filled with tons of questions without answers. The enemy would love to get me to despair, worry and stress out over things I cannot control and cannot fix. Thankfully, God is faithful to remind my heart of the truth. When I pray and seek God with a thankful heart, He gives me peace, guards my heart and my mind! His Word is true, imagine that!

Each day this week, something has come up that has the potential to ruin or severely hinder my attitude. And each day God is faithful to remind my heart that it is in Him that I have hope and joy. And each day I have been able to love those around me, and be loved by the Lord. He truly fills us up to be poured out.

As I sit here, and reflect on all the ways God has refreshed me and sustained me just this week I am moved to tears. As you all know from my previous post, this season of life is difficult. But when everything else fades the Lord remains. He is faithful to my heart. (which is a great song, click here to listen)

I am so blessed by the Body of Christ that is encouraging me, speaking truth to me, loving me and praying for me. I may be unsure of a lot of things in my life right now, but you know what, that doesn't change God's promises, they are true regardless of my circumstances. The name of my blog, The Beautiful Promises of a Set Apart Life, is fitting isn't it? I always need reminded that God's promises are true and He is faithful to fulfill them.

Take heart my friends, Jesus has overcome the world. He is faithful. He will never let you go. He loves you with an everlasting love. He is jealous for you. He holds all things in His hands. He works all things together for good.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Unsettled

2011-03-14T22:00:00.000-06:00

God is constantly growing and refining my faith in Him. Have you ever experienced the growing pains in your relationship with God? Those roads you walk down that make you face your deepest fears, insecurities, doubts and unanswered questions?

That is where I find myself lately. I would be lying to you if I said this was easy or without pain. I would be lying to you if I told you that I am not afraid. Here is an analogy of where I am at in a few different life situations:

I have traveled a long way, many days and nights, many miles through unexpected paths and rough terrain. I have endured harsh storms, and enjoyed days of sunshine. After traveling for so long, I think I am closer to seeing my life long dream come true. I approach a the door of a house. The Man that lives in this house, He has the power to make my dreams come true. I stand at the door, and I knock. I wait. No answer. Maybe I am not loud enough? I knock loud and longer this time. Still no answer. Maybe I am early? I know this is the right house, I know He lives here.
I start to fear, thinking all this time was wasted, that this painful journey was for nothing. I can't go back empty handed. I know this is where I will find my answer. So here I will wait. I will wait for answer.

Waiting.

Recently I have been trying to process my emotions and line them up with the Truth. I doubt, I fear, and I am anxious. I am unsettled. I am afraid. I fear that God will not come through, that I will have done all this for nothing. Shouldn't I be able to just trust completely and not experience these aggravating emotions? Shouldn't I just be able to be certain?

As I continued to think about this, I remembered the story in Daniel 3 of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and being thrown into the fiery furnace. Their reply to the king struck a chord within my heart.

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were not certain that God would save them from their death (even though He did), yet they still went forward. So here I am, at the door knocking, hoping and knowing that nothing is certain, except that God will have His way.

I may not know whether or not the money I need for Ethiopia will come in on time. I may not know where God is taking me with ministry, school or my friendships. But I do know this:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Beauty

2011-03-07T14:39:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about beauty after hearing MercyMe perform their song "Beautiful" in concert this past week. If you are a woman, you are all too familiar with the pursuit of or pressure to be 'beautiful' as others define it, no woman is immune to it. Now this post is not going to be about how American culture defines beauty, or 5 tips to enhance your beauty. This post is me, being real about what God has been showing me the past few days.

God is the author of beauty, in fact, God is beautiful. (Psalm 96:6) I will be the first person to admit that I have wasted a few years of life in the pursuit of beauty. When I think about how much God has changed my life, and changed me, I am amazed. If you look here you will get a better idea of what I am talking about. People are often astonished at the physical transformation that has taken place, they ask me "What happened?" and all I can do, initially is smile-really big. You see my friends, the true key to beauty is not your hair, your size, your clothes, your make up or whatever, it is Christ in you!

Now some of you may say, Casey, you don't know me, you don't know my situation. Oh but I do, maybe not exactly, but each woman faces the same lies. Listen, the most beautiful thing that we can do, is have an intimate relationship with Christ. By His Holy Spirit working within us, we become beautiful because God is beauty. Look at nature, it is beautiful because it is God's workmanship, we are no different! The Holy Spirit dwells in us, and we, being God's creation, are already made in the likeness of God. Does that blow your mind or what?

Have you ever heard it said, "A woman's heart should be so wrapped up in God's heart, that a man has to seek God before he finds her heart?" (or something like that). Well, I think the idea is right on. It is my hope that a Godly man pursues me, not because of what I look like, but because of my passion and love for the Lord. Can I just tell you, my friends, how beautiful it is to see someone (man or woman) operating in the role God has designed them for? How moving it is to watch someone worship God? To see some one's face light up when they talk about the Lord and who He is?

Our bodies, they will grow old, and the 'standards' of beauty will change, but a passion and love for the Lord, that will never grow old and will always be beautiful. Take heart my sisters, the God of the Universe cares for you, loves you, adores you. He has a perfect plan for you, and He is faithful to complete the work He has started in you. Walk out today in the identity and beauty that is found in Christ.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Vulnerability and the Body of Christ

2011-03-05T21:23:00.001-07:00

The last week or so has been pretty intense spiritually. The Lord has been opening my eyes to some really life wrecking things. I have been praying that the Lord would shine His light on my heart and continue to refine me. He is faithful answer.

My leadership group and I have been going through the study, Jesus on Leadership by C. Gene Wilkes which has exposed just how prideful I am. OUCH. Pride is ugly. I have also been reading the book The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, which has been pretty eye opening. Like I said in my previous post, I tend to turn a blind eye to the hurting, because it makes me uncomfortable. The Gospel is not comfortable, walking with Christ and carrying the Cross, is not comfortable, in fact it is down right painful.

I am also fundraising for my trip to Ethiopia, I need $1100 by the end of the month to secure my spot on the trip, I am not sure how that is going to happen. If/when I go to Ethiopia we will be working with HIV communities, and I will be seeing the broken, hurt, and 'least of these' with my own eyes, and I will not be comfortable. I will be wrecked for life.

I have been praying "Lord have Your way in me, wreck my life for the gospel". Well that it is happening. Also, because of the things the Lord is doing in my life, I have been bombarded with attacks from the enemy, the lies that I used to believe were coming back with a vengeance. You know those lies that hit hard down to the core of your being? The lies that sound so real, and so true?

"You are so unattractive. Why are you even trying?"

"Who are you to do ministry? All you care about is yourself"

"If they knew your past, they wouldn't love you"

"Why are you trying to change, you'll always come back to this struggle?"

"You will never see your dreams come true"

"You are so stupid, such a disappointment"

Sound familiar? I am sure we've all heard these lies, or ones very similar, many times. I had to call in the reinforcement of my brothers and sisters in Christ, because I was losing the battle, I was crumbling under the weight of the accusations Satan was throwing on me.

We have to rely on the Body of Christ my friends, we can't do this alone, we need Christ and His Body, scripture is clear that we must build each other up and pray for one another. I had to go to my dear friend Rachelle, tell her about the lies I was being hit with and that I was believing them, that required being vulnerable(which is difficult and uncomfortable). Being vulnerable is hard, but if we keep our struggles and sin in the dark and don't tell anyone we continue to stay in bondage of the enemy. Scripture illustrates this in 1 John.

1 John 1:6-10 (New American Standard Bible)
⁶If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;
⁷but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
⁸If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.
⁹If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
¹⁰If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

So by being vulnerable with our trusted friends about what is going on in our life, we are letting Christ be glorified in our weakness. We can't do this on our own, the enemy would love for us to believe that. If we could fix ourselves we wouldn't need Jesus, and if we could handle our own issues God would not have given us the Body of Christ. There is love and acceptance at the foot of the Cross, and in the Body of Christ. Let us humble ourselves, confess our sin and pray for each other so that we may be healed.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

What matters?

2011-02-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I withdrew from my classes this semester. I feel really great about that decision for a number of reasons. I think that my heart is to really just seek the Lord and find out what He wants me to be doing. I am still working and doing ministry, which takes a lot of time, but is a very good thing.

My roommates and I just had an intense conversation about what it looks like to pick up your cross and follow Christ, to love the 'least' and the broken, to live simply so that you can serve others, etc. It is a lot to process, and honestly, was slightly overwhelming. I feel really tense, maybe its just because I couldn't match the passion of my dearest friends, or because it's just a heavy thing to think about.

What does it look like to serve others with your whole life and yet have Christ honoring boundaries? Do I want to live a radical life that looks different and set apart, even or especially, in where or how I spend my time and money? This aligns with the Kingdom perspective I have been desiring. To focus on the things that matter to the Lord, to seek first His kingdom and righteousness.

There is part of me that whines, "But what about my coffee, new clothes, shoes, etc.?" And some of those things are important when I need them. I am not saying that buying coffee or shoes is a sin. But the question I am asking myself is why am I buying coffee, shoes, clothes? I can justify all these things. And yes, when I buy new clothes, generally I clean out my old clothes and donate them, which is good. But what do I need?

It's hard to have the self control to say 'no' to good things, especially a Vanilla Latte or a pair of shoes or a dinner out. However, if I am reminding myself of what I need or even maybe what I could use that money for instead, I would think twice and act differently. And if I had some one other than myself to hold me accountable to my finances and how I use them, that would probably help. I am getting ready to go to Ethiopia on a mission trip, if I had not purchases Starbucks coffee I would have at least $100 saved by now, that's a sobering reality.

Priorities. Where are mine? Instant gratification or future reward? I am not swearing off coffee or shopping, but I think I want to reevaluate some things. I can buy some one else coffee when we go out and fellowship, like my youth girls, that's a good investment. I can treat myself every now and then. But what about my daily life? What about my time? Where does it all go?

What does my money and time say to others about what is important to me? Does it reflect my hearts desires(to love the Lord, do ministry, serve and love people, etc)? If it doesn't, then maybe what I call my 'heart's desires' are really just lofty ambitions that I will never work to see completed?

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Enough

2011-02-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

I wear this ring, on my ring finger. It's a wedding band.

Although I received this ring as a symbol of my participation at Teen Mania's internship, it means much more than that.

The Hebrew symbols translate to, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine". I find it easy to put this ring on daily, forgetting the significant message inscribed on it. As a single woman it can be difficult to surrender my God given desire for a husband.

Recently I find myself looking at my ring in the difficult times of waiting, and on some days it almost moves me to tears. The Lord is my Beloved, and I am His. His love is perfect and His love is enough. It will be enough on the days that being single, and waiting is painful, when all I want is to be loved, desired and held. It will be enough when I take grand and wonderful adventures with the Lord, to do things I never imagined. It will be enough as I go through the courtship, engagement, and marriage seasons. It will be enough on my darkest hours, and my brightest moments. It will be enough when I have more questions than answers. It will be enough when I watch miracles happen. It will be enough when my heart yearns. It will be enough when my plans fall apart. It will be enough. Always.

Psalm 37:3-5

Trust in the LORD and do good;
         Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
    ⁴Delight yourself in the LORD;
         And He will give you the desires of your heart.
    ⁵Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

2011-02-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

The lesson of the week: rest is important and busyness is a sin, if it pulls you away from the Lord.

I went to the doctor this morning because I woke up with a fever of 101, I was sick the week before with a sinus infection. Found out that I could be developing walking pneumonia, so they put me on a different antibiotic, and some other medicine, told me to go home and sleep. I slept for almost 6 hours straight. Thankfully this isn't hindering me from going to San Fransisco with my college ministry leadership team for a missions conference, considering we leave tomorrow morning.

However, I have no one to blame but myself for getting so sick. I have been so busy, every part of my life was suffering. It is so important that I take care of myself, and that I prioritize my time. As much as I don't like school, I have to devote time and energy to that, as well as finding time for me to rest and enjoy life, and enjoy my time with the Lord.

Life has been so different this semester, in many fabulous ways. I have built new friendships, gotten more involved in campus ministry, and grown a lot. But I must learn how to have stronger boundaries in where and how I spend my time, I don't want to neglect my school work, or ministry, or my own health. I want to be found faithful, and I want to be a woman who is found choosing the right thing, like Mary, instead of being caught up in the busyness of Martha.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

2011-02-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

God is faithful.

Last year, before I transitioned from ministry to 'real life' the Lord told me I was in for a season of adventure, which has been very true, and yet He continues to surprise me. I have the opportunity to travel to San Fransisco for a missions conference for virtually free (real cheap). I have never been there before, but I have always wanted to go. And I am going with some great friends. We leave early Friday morning and I have childlike excitement every time I talk about it. :)

Today is Valentine's Day. I am pretty indifferent to this holiday, which is an improvement considering I used to loathe it with a fiery passion. I am single, this holiday will be more fun (maybe?) when I am in a committed romantic relationship. I admit, there are days or moments, when the desire I have to be loved and cherished by 'the man of my dreams' seems so strong and painful, as a woman I was created to experience that. This is the season of faith and 'tension'.

I am not 'looking' for a husband, but rather I am waiting on God to direct our paths and make His will clear to 'us'. I have hope, and I am reminded that the whole reason God created man and woman to be united in marriage is to mirror our personal intimate relationship with Christ. I am putting Christ above all else, so that I may never forsake my first love. Christ is the center. Always. He is the defender and the keeper of my heart, and no man will ever compare to the love Christ has for me.

He is the only one that never fails.
He'll never break my heart.
He will never leave me.
He will always pursue me.
He has won my heart.
He is my Beloved.
And I am His.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Freedom

2011-02-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of my better days, which is ironic considering I am sick. Oh well, anyway...

I had this great revelation today about freedom. Those of you who read my last post, may recall my comment about being a recovering control freak, this revelation very relevant to that. I was reading Colossians chapter 1, which is just a beautiful depiction of the gospel in verses15-23. When we become followers of Christ we are seen by God as holy, righteous and blameless, through the death and resurrection of Christ. We must be sure to stay firm in our faith and not stray away from the hope of the gospel. This got me thinking, most days I am so preoccupied with the fact that I don't have my life figured out that I stray away from the hope of the gospel-the very thing I NEED the most!

I am 22 years old, and I am in a season of tension between my desires and God's timing for them to come to fruition. Psalm 37: 3-5 says this:

"Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, and trust also in Him and He will do it."

That is the tension, cultivating faithfulness while waiting and trusting that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart. Instead of being focused on the tension, the most beautiful and honoring thing to the Lord is that I just keep letting go and trusting Him, and keep my eyes focused on Him. When I realized this I also heard this song (see below) that seems to fit by season of life very well at the moment. Take a minute and read the lyrics or listen to the song by clicking on the title.

Audrey Assad-Everything is Yours (click to watch video)
When all the world is blossoming
When everything around is bursting into life
And I don't have to strain to hear the beat of Your heart

When all the world is under fire
and the skies are threatening to thunder and rain
And I am overcome by fears that I can't see

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
No it was never mine to hold

Who could command the stars to sing
Or hold the raging seas from breaking through the doors
Until the fragile roses wear the very same hand
Oh, Oh

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
I am, I'm letting it go
Letting go, I'm letting it go

I hope that this is an encouragement to you, where ever you find yourself. The Lord is faithful, don't let the enemy steal your joy or peace, keep your eyes focused on Him. He has everything under control.
~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Fear and Faith

2011-02-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself asking God the same question(s) over and over again?
I do. All. The. Time.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer, and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-8

Through out the Bible, God tells us to ask Him, (Matthew 7:8, Luke 11:7-9). Now, just because we ask doesn't mean that we will get an answer immediately or that we'll get the answer we want. We have to ask in accordance with God's will for it to be granted to us.

I often say that I am a 'recovering control freak'. This is true, I like to know where I am going, what I am doing, etc. Over the past few years I have been learning and experiencing what it means to be yielded to the Lord and to trust Him. This current season is far more intense than any before. There have been some new things happening in my life that are in a way 'forcing' me to be vulnerable, and open to things that I don't know the outcome. I am afraid of being disappointed, or hurt, or whatever. So as I have been on this journey the last month or so, I am seeking the Lord's will constantly. With only one answer.

WAIT.

As I was reading this morning the Lord gave me two verses.

"Consider is all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete not lacking anything"-James 1:2-4

Faith. My 'big sister' Christi has been calling me Casey-Faith for years. Faith is hard for me, it requires me to trust, to take steps towards the unknown. Scripture tells us that:

"...faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen"-Hebrews 11:1

I am in a Hebrews 11:1 season. I know that the Lord has placed dreams and desires in my heart for a reason, though I do not see how He wants them to come to fruition I know they will in His timing. I am striving daily to be open handed with these desire, trusting that the Lord will have His way. I know that someday I will be blessed enough to be called 'wife' and 'mother'. I know that some how I will be a mother to the motherless, even if that means not living overseas, maybe it's here in the US. I know that my spiritual gifts will be used by the Lord.

I know that right now, today, is all I a promised. That God wants me to seek His face. That I can do ministry everyday. That if I seek His Kingdom first, everything else will fall into place. I just have to wait, and trust Him, having faith in what I do not see, and do not understand.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Proverbs 31 Part 3

2011-02-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight-Proverbs 31:13

When I read this verse, I really have to examine that last part and how it pertains to my life. "Works with her hands in delight" I work with children, which can be a joy and a stress at the same time, and I admit I have a habit of complaining. Which reminds me of a verse (Philippians 2:14) that says to do everything without complaining or arguing. Hmm... Outside of my job, I have homework, not something I enjoy doing especially this semester with all my science based classes. I hate science. Delighting in the work of my hands. A Proverbs 31 woman might not instantly enjoy everything she puts her hands too, for example, changing diapers, doing laundry, paying bills, doing homework, etc but she can do everything as if she were doing it for the Lord, because we strive to honor Him in all we do. I am definitely going be thinking and meditating on that this week.

"She rises also while it is still night, and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard" Proverbs 31:15-16

The Proverbs 31 woman is diligent, she wakes up early to get her family and house ready for the day. She makes wise financial decisions and invests in things that will benefit her family. Now, let's apply this to single life. Finances have always been hard for me, my family was always in debt, and unfortunately I have not learned fully from their mistakes. I am in debt from school but also have some credit card debt that I am determined to pay off in the next 6 months. I do not want to go through life living above my means, and not honoring God in how I spend God's money. The Bible is very clear that debt is not a good thing, the borrower is slave to the lender. So, how do we as single women make good investments or be financially responsible? We learn and practice Biblical financial principles, staying out of debt (as much as possible, which can be difficult with college). Tithe. Yes I know, its a scary word. However, tithing is very important, God promises that we can test Him on this. Malachi 3:10. I am a poor college student, but tithing is a must, yes it's 10% but it's God's money not mine, and He gets it back, I have to surrender my sense of 'control' over what is not even mine.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Proverbs 31 Part 2

2011-02-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

An excellent wife who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.-Proverbs 31:10

This verse is somewhat self explanatory. An excellent wife's worth is priceless. So, how can I be an 'excellent wife' even though I am not married? I think Proverbs 31 may help us with that answer, so let's keep going.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.-Proverbs 31:11

We can see by this verse that trust is essential. Now, I don't think you have to be in a relationship to understand how important trust is. How can we become trustworthy people or trustworthy women? We can live above reproach (Philippians 2:15), not be a gossip or slanderous (1 Timothy 3:11), and be a good friend. Ultimately, when we get married, our spouse will be our best friend and our lover, both things must be rooted in trust and in Christ. As women, it is crucial that we trust our husbands. As a single women it is imperative that we trust The Lord first and foremost, and completely.

Also as woman, we must learn to trust others. One way I evaluate that in my life is to look at my friendships. Am I trying to control them? Am I easily frustrated and angry when things don't go the way I want them too? Do I trust the Lord with these same situations, recognizing that He is in control? I look especially close at my relationships with the men in my life, do I let them lead? Do I trust them or am I always looking over their shoulders ready to correct them? These are things we can be cultivating in our lives right now in order to be a Proverbs 31 woman. These things are healthy and achievable through Christ. It is not a burden but a joy to trust!

Let's look at one last verse.

She does him good and not evil, all the days of his life.-Proverbs 31:12

It would be easy to read this verse, and then say "I got that down!" and move on. However I want to linger here for a moment. Now our concept of doing some thing 'evil' probably looks different. So let's break that down. Taking a look into our relationships/friendships with men in our lives. Do we constantly put them down? Are we mean to them? Do we do things to frustrate them or get them riled up? Do we disrespect them? Do we talk about them in a negative light? As women, we are made to be nurturers, we give life physically and by the things we say and do. Once we are married we are called to bring honor to God and to our husband.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Proverbs 31, and a woman's heart

2011-02-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about Proverbs 31 today. So often I hear women talk about how they never think they can 'become' a Proverbs 31 woman or that they have something against the Proverbs 31 woman because she seems perfect. I have this theory that men and women view this Proverbs 31 type of woman differently. So I asked a few of the men in my life, their perception is one that I think more women should adopt.

There is this desire for women, this false perception that we have to earn things in life. This is our 'Martha' nature. (Luke 10:38-42) Martha, like many of us, are caught up on our to-do list, our planners, our pressure to preform and be the 'perfect' woman. While Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus. How does this relate to Proverbs 31? I think many of us have the tendency to look at the Proverbs 31 woman, and see all the things she is 'doing' and say to ourselves, "How can I ever be her? I can't even handle my single life!" or whatever we can't handle at that moment. Notice that is does not say in Proverbs 31 that this woman is perfect.

I think we miss the HEART of the Proverbs 31 woman. The Word says that our hearts are the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). If our hearts are focused on Christ, then it is not a burden to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

The men that I have talked to have a different idea than we do about the Proverbs 31 woman.

She loves God. She takes care of her home, her value is far greater than just that because she handle other affairs as well. She wants to or did marry I Godly man, respects him and his position. She is an awesome mom and is known for her kindness and generosity. She is not a push over but takes pride in what God has called her to do and does it diligently. She does not try to over power her husband, but supports him and is submissive.

This is the view of one of my good friends, that is a man of God, and I think it is quite accurate. I have this huge urge to pick this section of scripture apart in one blog, but I won't. Instead I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to do a series, all about my study of Proverbs 31.

My perspective may be different from most, especially because I am a single woman. So those of you who are not in that category please bare with me. I do not think I have this figured out, not in the slightest. However, I believe that God's Holy Spirit lives in me, that I have the mind of Christ, and knowing that God's word does not return void, I am confident that I will have a better understanding of what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman: A woman after God's own heart, a woman who fears the Lord.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

Faith, Trust, Love and the Unknown

2011-02-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

I am on an adventure with the Lord.

He is driving my car, called life, it's a red slightly worn sedan. I am in the back seat, I cannot see the front seat, because of the tinted privacy window, like you see in limos. I can look out my side windows and see the beautiful scenery as we pass it. The evergreen trees, the canyons, the waterfalls, the animals,etc. But I can not see any signs, no mileage markers, no destination clues, nothing that would tell me where I am going or how long it will take to get there. I am on a journey.

Taking a step back to look at my life, I realize that I have many dreams and ambitions, many goals and desires. However, I thought I knew where I was going, but I don't not at all. Instead I find myself enjoying the scenery of this journey. I am waiting. I think much of my life's calling will depend on the man I marry, which is a scary thought for me. That means that my dreams and desires might not look like I imagined. But that is where trust, faith and love come in. The Lord is my Guide and He has great plans for me.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

Taking a look back

2011-01-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

I am feeling rather nostalgic tonight, for no particular reason. Well, I guess that isn't true, there IS a reason. I have been thinking for the last few days about how much the Lord has transformed me in the last 3 years. Let me explain.

3 years ago, around this time of year, I finally answered God's call to surrender all control to him, at the time, that was my plan for my life. I had dreams, big dreams. And I had it all planned out. I was ready to accomplish my goals. And then God put those dreams on hold. There was a song out at the time, by Pocket Full of Rocks, and it was called Song to the King, a line in the song struck a chord with my heart one night.

"I stand in awe of Your majesty, I may not have much, but I give everything. This is my song, song to my King"

The previous 4 months of my life had been a wreck, I knew the Lord, but I couldn't let go of my plans. It was at this moment, that I realized Christ had given me everything, and all I could give Him, was everything and it still wouldn't be enough. I knew had to surrender, everything, especially my plans and desires.

And then God rocked my world. If you look back through this blog, you can see parts of the journey, the great parts, and the ugly parts. Through it all, the Lord has taken what used to be, a lost, broken, confused, insecure girl and transformed her into a beautiful, confident, woman who knows the Lord intimately. This is so beautiful to me. If only you would have known me three years ago, for those of you who have me on facebook, take a look at my first pictures. I will admit looking at them now makes me wince a bit. I was still in my 10 year 'ugly duckling' phase. Seriously. I am secure enough to admit it. As you look through the pictures you will see the physical transformation, and hopefully a bit of the spiritual transformation too.

3 years ago tonight

Now sitting here, in my apartment, three years later, I look at myself and smile. The Lord has done a miracle in my life, I am not who I was. And now I believe and I can say with confidence of Christ, that He has made me, a beautiful woman, and He has won my heart.

So in this season of many unknowns, and lots of waiting, I look back and praise God for His faithfulness. Holding tightly to the beautiful promise that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

What do you do when you are waiting?

2011-01-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

Waiting. I find that God has asked me to wait for a lot in my life. Yet, at this season, it is different. I am still waiting, however it looks different. Let me see if I can explain :)

I am at the place in my life where I have a ton of questions, and no answers. That's not all together new. What is new, is that in this season I have such peace from the Lord. There is nothing I can really 'do' to get the answers to my questions, because it is my belief that the Lord doesn't want me to know, at least not yet. I have found that this waiting period pushes me to do one thing, be on my knees, surrendered to the Lord. I can not figure this out. All I can do is to be yielded to the Lord.

I think about how I am the Bride of Christ, and put that into a tangible lesson. Someday, when I get married, I will need to trust that my husband knows what he is doing, that he hears from the Lord, and that he will take care of me. My relationship with Christ functions in the same way, only the Lord will never fail me. I must trust the Lord, He is guiding me, and I don't need to know where I am going. He is taking me on an adventure, full of mysteries and surprises. And out of my relationship with Christ, my love, my affection for Him, my trust in Him, I follow--yielded to Him. Letting Him lead me.

I don't know where He is taking me, all I know is that it is somewhere great, and this adventure pulls me closer to Him. I think He has a few surprises in store for me, and that gets my heart excited.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

A few songs that say it better than I can :)

2011-01-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

Seeking Identity from the Creator

2011-01-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

Many times, especially as women, we sit back and ponder what makes us so 'wonderful'. Or we think about all the reasons we aren't 'wonderful'. (or aren't [insert word] here). Some days are better than others, but I think because the enemy has it out for us, we are daily left with a question to answer, "Who am I?"

This question has been ringing in my mind lately, especially because it seems like all my plans are falling through, the 'control' I thought I had is slipping through my hands. After a frustrating few weeks, I pause and ask myself, "Why does any of this matter?" "What am I doing?" "What makes me valuable?"

When we try to define ourselves by something other than God, these questions can ruin us. We keep striving and working with no progress. However, when we take a step back and look to the Lord, we remember what He says. We are adopted as His children (Ephesians 1). He loves us, His grace is sufficient. He is the one who created us for a purpose, (Jeremiah 29:11, Esther 4:14).

So tonight, I remember that. And I ask that the Lord would hold my heart, so that it may not be tarnished by this world, or the flaming arrows of the enemy.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

Oh my..

2011-01-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

God is funny. It seems like right when I can't take it anymore He breaks through, like a knight in shining armor. Yes, things still are difficult, but as He so faithfully reminds me, He is enough.

This may be a dark hour, but joy is coming with the morning light. He is faithful. He has not forgotten me, He has not rejected me. But these trails are bringing me closer to Him. I am a fool to think that I can do this life on my own. I need Jesus, and the cross. Always.

My heart feels lighter tonight, maybe even a little bit happy. Still with no answers to my questions, it's alright. God has it figured out, and it's better for me to trust than to want to know God's time line.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

Time to be real

2011-01-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

%*#&^!^&#&**#*# yep. That's how I feel. Like swearing. Which is extreme. Let me explain. (if any of you readers are even still out there?)

I am in the worst season of my life. I have had some pretty rough seasons before. This one tops it all.

I have been processing a lot of heavy stuff, I am going to counseling which is great. But these raw emotions are killing me. I cry way more now.

I am hurt. And angry. Hurt because of these old wounds that are now affecting my relationships in every way. From projecting my feeling on others, to blaming myself for their negative emotions. I have this great huge fear, that everyone will move on with life and get married and I will be left behind all alone. This has resurfaced recently, as my best friend gets closer to a serious dating relationship.

Angry. I am angry because I am tired of feeling this way, and I am angry at God for letting me be this way. I am tired of being broken. I am tired. This season feels like it will never end. And yes, it is safe to say that right now in this moment I am being extremely selfish, and am I asking God why, when will it be my turn? Where is my promise?

"I am faithful"

Yes, You are. And I am broken. And I need You now more than ever.

My dreams coming true...(taken from my note on Facebook)

2010-11-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Almost 7 years ago, I believe God called me to Go. He promised to send me. I was expecting to go on a mission trip the following summer, but that never happened. Soon after, I heard our women's pastor talk about her trip to Africa, and at that moment I knew I was supposed to go to Africa. At the time, I dreaded that idea, because it seems like 'everyone' goes to Africa. As time went by, I began to let that promise fade. It wasn't until about two years ago that God reestablished that dream in my life. I am called by the God of the universe to go to Africa and to work with orphans, and to someday build a n orphanage. Once this dream was awakened within my heart, I wanted to be on the next flight to Africa, believe me, I tried to find opportunity to go to Africa, but it didn't ever get off the ground.

About a week or two ago, an opportunity came out of nowhere. I had been praying for months that I would have an opportunity to go on a mission trip in the next year. I was talking with a friend of mine, who works with Global Expeditions (mission organization with Teen Mania Ministries, where I was an intern), she is actually planning an adult trip to Ethiopia this spring, which focuses on ministering to orphans, and former prostitutes, she told me that she thought it was the perfect trip for me. I have filled out my application and been accepted to go on this trip. This is a 11 day trip, to Africa, for only $2889. The other trips they do to Africa cost about $4000.

"For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed?

How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard?

And how will they hear without a preacher?

How will they preach unless they are sent?

Just as it is written,

"HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE THE FEET OF THOSE WHO BRING GOOD NEWS OF GOOD THINGS!"

Romans 10:13-15 NASB

The above verse, was given to me about 3 years ago. Now, as you all know, my feet are not what one would typically consider beautiful due to there toe-less nature. However, the Word states, beautiful are the feet of those who bring good things! I can't tell you how life changing this verse has been, or how many times others have prayed it over my life or used it to encourage me.

I don't mean to get all emotional, but you guys, I am sitting here crying tears of joy. This is my DREAM, this is what I am MADE for. And God is faithful, He is delivering on His promise. I am confident that God is going to provide the money, though I don't know how, and I don't know when.

This note is a call to prayer, pray for me, pray for Ethiopia, pray that God would lay it on people's heart to fund this mission trip. Pray that God would break my heart for what breaks His, and that above all else, the gospel would be preached, and we would see many come into the Kingdom.

~Still standing on His Promises~

Casey

PS If you would like to keep updated on this process, please add yourself to my facebook group Change for Change in Ethiopia and/or attend my event to save your pennies (and other change) to send me to Africa.

Seasons are changing...

2010-11-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

Many of us are probably experiencing, the seasons are changing from fall to winter.

As in the natural, I feel the season of my spiritual life changing as well.

I am not exactly sure what season I am entering into, nor do I know when I will fully enter into this new season. The season I am currently in is one of brokenness, vulnerability, and humbleness.

So often I find myself trying to measure up to my expectations of who I should be or what I should do, and fall into legalism. Recently I have been shoving my emotions, feelings, and struggles not only under the rug, but under the floor boards, deep into the earth, through many trapped and locked doors. I often tell myself, if I can't feel it then it's all ok. However, this is not the case. By burying my emotions, struggles, and other things, I only bury myself, becoming a shell of a person. I build up walls, I lie about how I am feeling because I am afraid of being weak.

But I am working through this, by walking in grace that Christ freely offers. As to what the future holds, I am uncertain.

Right now I am planning on going on a mission trip to Ethiopia to work with orphans, widows, and former prostitutes. This is my DREAM mission trip. I have to raise about $3000 by March/April, the trip is mid May. If you could be praying for me as I get ready for this adventure, I would appreciate it. IF you have questions, please feel free to ask.

~Set Apart~

CaseyMay

What am I even doing?

2010-11-02T00:24:00.000-06:00

Here I am, in my living room at 12:13 AM, all alone. Left with my thoughts, the true condition of my heart exposed. No where to run. No where to hide.

I just took my quiz 6 minutes before the deadline. I have so much homework due this week it's crazy, and very little time to accomplish it. That has been the story of my life for the last 4-6 weeks.

I sit here asking myself, "What am I even doing here?" What can I cut back on to get more time. The truth is I can't. I am prioritizing, which sometimes means ministry or relationships over school. Which is what happened tonight, I had bible study and fellowship after work. Which was great, I am involved in youth ministry, which I love. I have two jobs, which I also love.

I am reminded of our bible study tonight, we talked about being bought with a price, that we are not our own but God's. That being a follower of Christ isn't easy, and requires sacrifice and time, which is painful and not easy.

Is that my season Lord? Time sacrificing?

AbbaFather,
I am so weary, I need You.
I am tired of being an adult,
I do not want to worry about the bills,
the grades, the lack of money, lack of sleep,
lack of faith, lack of everything.
Father, my soul longs for You.
I want to be wrapped in Your arms,
I want Your comfort, hold me.
Restore my soul
Restore my spirit,
Restore my hope Jesus.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

Sorry for the long absence

2010-10-26T23:33:00.000-06:00

Sorry readers! (If you are even still out there?)

Life has been hectic to say the least. College, two jobs=20-30 hrs M-F, youth ministry Wed and Sun, and life.

Busy. That has been the story of my life. And yet, it is such a sin right now. I have been so caught up in my endless to-do list, and obligations, and life that I am not putting my focus where it needs to be. Yet, here I sit, blogging away, but maybe this is just me processing?

Anyway, my dear roommate and I had been making it a priority to pray together, and hold each other accountable daily-this usually happens before we go to bed, which can be pretty late. Well, lately, the last week or two we have been so busy that we haven't made this a priority. And it really makes a difference. We use busyness as an excuse, but really when we prayed together last, my hearts desire was to have a kingdom perspective despite my schedule, forsaking things of this world, forsaking sleep to spend time with God, to spend time in prayer. Now where do I find myself? Alone, hard-hearted yet broken, scared of being real, scared of where I am. And in desperate need of Jesus.

I fear that maybe I am the only one that feels this way, that maybe no one else is effected by the lack of prayer in our house. That maybe this is just me, sitting here, broken on the inside. Afraid to express how I feel because I don't want to pressure anyone into doing something they don't want to do, or don't want to be a burden to anyone. Which is more evidence of the sin of pride in my life.

Oh Jesus. How I need You know.

~CaseyMay~

Dreaming Big

2010-09-23T22:25:00.000-06:00

When you were a child, did you ever dream?

Did you dream of doing big, impossible things?

Or of things that were within your grasp, within reality?

Did any of those dreams become reality?

So often, we get stuck in routine, in the day to day life.

If I were to ask you, "What is your dream for you life?"

"What is your biggest dream?"

"What is the deepest desire of your heart?"

This has been a discussion point lately for me, and my best friend Samantha lately.

We in some capacity have lost the desire to dream.

But God has been stirring something deep with in our hearts the last few weeks.

He is awaking our hearts.

We are coming before the Lord as open vessels,

willing to be faithful and obedient to what He asks.

We have a dream to go on a mission trip together.

To India.

Or where ever God would have us.

We want to dream big for God's glory.

We want to quit limiting God by putting Him in a box.

By putting our dreams in a box.

The Lord seeks a willing heart, you may not be "the best" "the greatest" "the most able" but you are the most willing, God can and does work miracles in that.

~Set Apart for Him~

CaseyMay

Stand Strong

2010-09-21T11:55:00.000-06:00

The deeper I delve into the mysterious of God,
The faster I run into spiritual warfare,
The harder I pray,
The deeper I love,
The harder the enemy hits.

This has been my lesson for the past few weeks.
I would be lying to you if I said I passed very test,
resisted every temptation,
ignored every lie.
I have fallen in battle, I have been wounded. But God's grace is sufficient.
In my weakness He is strong.

1 Timothy 6:12

Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses

Galatians 5:1

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery

You see friends, God knew that we would fall. He knew we would need His help, and His truth. Take courage dear friends, walk in grace and truth. I encourage you all to pray on the armor of God daily, not just once but through out the day. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and soften your heart to the schemes of the enemy that you may stand strong against them.

Lord, help me to be a woman of prayer, a warrior in battle, a woman of purity and righteousness, a woman after Your heart. A set apart woman for Your glory.

~Set Apart in Him~
CaseyMay

The season I have prayed for

2010-09-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

The Lord is so faithful.

I am so blessed. School is going well, despite the heavy homework load. I have a job that I love, as a teacher aide to a 1 yr old classroom! I am living with my best friend, who loves the Lord with all her heart. We pursue the Lord together, challenge one another, pray together everyday. I have found a church that I LOVE, I am getting involved in youth ministry there, as well as college ministry and hopefully get plugged into a small group too. I work out 3-5 times a week, and enjoy it! My relationship with the Lord is growing, and can be so painful, but it is so good.

The Lord is answering the deep desires of my heart, as He told me He would in this season, a few months ago. I love where I am in life, this is what I have always desired, to live this life so in love with the Lord. I used to doubt that this time would come, that I would really be the woman of God that I wanted to be. And here I am, in God's perfect will.

~Set Apart for Him~
CaseyMay

Contentment

2010-09-04T01:45:00.000-06:00

I have recently discovered how content and absolutely blessed I am by this current season of life.

One thing that I have a deep desire in my heart for, is to someday get married. I will soon be 22, which is by no means old. For some reason over the last year or so, I have felt this need to find the man of my dreams and settle down. Thankfully the Lord has changed my heart, I am so incredibly happy being single. There is no potential of a relationship in my life anytime soon, and I love that. I am blessed to live with 3 other godly women, my best friend and I (who is also my roommate) pray together in the morning and at night, it is such a blessing to be held accountable, to pray for one another, and worship God together.

I started college after my 2 year break, I am now in my second week and really enjoy it! We are also hosting a bible study starting next week that I am super excited about.

The Lord continues to show me His faithfulness, I am still looking for a job, and He still provides everything I need financially, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the season that I have prayed for, for years. And now I am living this set apart life.

It is truly a blessing. I will continue to serve the Lord, no matter what my relationship status is, no matter my employment status, no matter the balance of my checking account.

~Set Apart~
CaseyMay

What are you practicing?

2010-08-26T22:38:00.000-06:00

1 John 3:7-8a

Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; because the devil has been sinning from the beginning.

I read this verse the other day and have been meditating on it, and sharing it with others. Here are my thoughts and what I believe the Lord is saying to me, and to you.

Practices. This instantly makes me think of football. When you play a sport you practice it, a lot, in the hopes of getting better as you repeat it. You put your time, energy, focus, on this one thing. You repeat it, over and over again, you find ways to improve.

According to this verse, you can practice either righteousness, or sin. What are you practicing? What are you investing your time, thoughts, energy, into? Are you surrounding yourself with Godly people, things that will spur you on to righteousness and a set apart life? Or are you allowing things into your life that distract you from God? What music are you listening to? What movies are you watching? What are you thinking about? What are you saying?

Living set apart is a process, we are all sinners, scripture makes that very clear. However, I wonder what message we are sending to those around us by our actions? What team are you playing for? You can say that you are playing for the New England Patriots, you can even wear their jersey, but if you are running plays, and scoring touch downs for the Minnesota Vikings, it's clear what team you are on.

In the same way, you can say that you are a follower of Jesus until you are blue in the face, but if you fill your life with things of this world, alcohol, parties, relationships, music, movies, sexual immortality, negative talk, perverted speech, lustful thoughts, pride, etc and it is clear who you play for, and it's not Jesus.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

"If your ipod causes you to sin..."

2010-08-22T22:05:00.000-06:00

Mark 9:43-47 (New American Standard Bible)

⁴³"If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life crippled, than, having your two hands, to go into hell, into the unquenchable fire,
⁴⁵"If your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life lame, than, having your two feet, to be cast into hell,
⁴⁷"If your eye causes you to stumble, throw it out; it is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, than, having two eyes, to be cast into hell

Many of us have read this passage of scripture, and thought surely God does not want me to cut off my hand, or my foot. But when I stumbled across this today, God spoke a different word to me. What if this was a little more relevant to today's culture? What if the text read,

"If your ipod causes you to sin, throw it out"

The music you listen to, the movies you watch, the places you go, the things you say, the list could go on. If it causes you to sin, why do you keep it around?

The last part of the scripture says, "It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, than, having two eyes, to be cast into hell."

It is better for us to go through this life with less, and to enter the kingdom of heaven, then to have everything we want and be cast into hell.

What is your standard of holiness, purity, excellence? Is it one that leads you towards sin, or farther away from it? What things are in your life that need to be 'cut off' and throw out, so that you may pursue holiness?

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Season of Isolation, Refinement, and Revelation

2010-08-20T23:57:00.000-06:00

I really enjoy people, I am a very relational person, however it seems as though the Lord has given me a lot of opportunity to be alone, with Him, and no one else. It's in these moments that my character, and priorities are shown, and I often realize I have lost my focus, my devotion, to pursuing the King of my heart, and I quickly see the idols I put up in my life, those escapes, and distractions. In those moments, I am refined, the Lord shines His light on all the dark corners of my heart, and brings it all into the light.

I read Mark 8:1-9, Jesus feeds thousands with 7 loaves, and some fish. We've heard the story any times, but something struck me tonight.

Jesus tells the disciples that He feels compassion on the people that have followed Him for three days. He doesn't want to turn them away hungry because they have traveled a long way and may faint on the way home. They say, "Where will anyone find enough bread here in this desolate place to satisfy these people?" Pause. Desolate place. Remember that...

Jesus asked his disciples how many loaves of bread they had. Notice that Jesus didn't ask the disciples to run through the crowd on a scavenger hunt for bread.
The disciples had 7 loaves and a few fish. Jesus gave thanks, broke the bread, and started giving it to the disciples to feed the people. The people were satisfied and there were 7 large baskets of bread left.

How many times in life, are we in a desolate place. When situations or circumstances wear on us, when things seem impossible, hopeless, too much for us to handle. We look to Jesus and say, "I don't know how this will ever turn out for the better. This is impossible. It's too big, too much, too painful, etc."
Jesus doesn't send the disciples on a grand adventure to find something He can work with. He asks them what they have. And He asks us the same thing, what do we have, a glimmer of hope, a baby step of faith, a dream, a prayer, some loose change, a few pieces of bread, etc?

Jesus gave thanks, and multiplied what the disciples gave. Are we thankful for what we have? Even if it doesn't seem like much, are we thankful? Jesus can take our small offering, and turn it into something miraculous, if we let Him.

What can you thank God for, what can you offer Him in this desolate place? Will you allow Him to use it for His glory, to overcome, to work miracles?

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

It has been quite the transition

2010-08-17T22:28:00.000-06:00

Sorry friends, it has been a crazy month! I am now in Boise, moved into my apartment, and getting ready for school. I had a job that I hated for 2 weeks, I just recently quit, and am now praying that God directs me to a job I enjoy and works around my school schedule.

I have experienced many things emotionally, great excitement, and at times very sad and lonely days. I have been grieving over my now very distant friends, it's hard when you leave people that love you and know you so well, and start over. There have been a lot of firsts here, I don't know many people, and I don't yet have a church to call home. But I do have the Lord. He is so faithful, He continues to win my heart, especially in my lowest moments.

I have achieved some victories being here, I rejoice that our new apartment community has a pool and 24 hour gym, I have been working out and eating healthier. It is a great victory in my life to be self disciplined and live an active, healthy lifestyle. I have also been seeking the Lord and spending one on one time with the Lord, it has been so sweet, and sometimes very painful, but brokenness is beautiful.

*Sigh* Life is going to get crazy, but I know the Lord will help me keep my head above water! Next post: Relationships, and Waiting for my Story to Unfold.

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Heartache

2010-07-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

Over the last 21+ years, I have dealt with heartache, and will continue to until the day I die.

There is nothing that can numb the pain of loss, the deep hurt, the weight of guilt, the burden of 'what if?', the emptiness, the hopelessness, the desperation that heartache brings. Drugs, food, alcohol, sex, relationships, pain, pleasure, money, work, they may numb the pain, or push it way, bury it a little deeper, but that ache, it is still there.

The cross.
The pain from the beatings,
the crown of thorns,
the lashes.
The burden of the cross.
The nails driven, one by one.
The cross.
Perfect love,
Son of God,
broken.

In brokenness we are made whole.

I find myself, time and time again,
on my knees, at the foot of the cross.
Broken, hurting, empty.
There, in the arms of Love,
I am healed, by His stripes.
I mended, I am filled.

Storming

2010-07-19T21:22:00.000-06:00

The first weeks at home was the calm before the storm.
So now, in the storm, I see who I am.
The wind blows,
The thunder shakes the windows,
The rain pours, threatening to wash everything away.

Here I stand.
Right in the middle.
Dark, ominous, clouds surround me.
There seems to be no end in sight.

I close my eyes.
I remember the warmth of the sunshine.
The smell of the spring flowers.
The clear blue sky.

This won't last forever.
This is only for a little while.
Lord,Father,
hold me through this storm.
You are my hope.

Letting go...again

2010-07-08T01:37:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had situations or relationships that you have had to let go of, only to have to let go of them again?

Yep, that is pretty much where I am at. Letting go again. It's a glad surrender but also a painful sacrifice. I know I have done this 100 times, and it just keeps surfacing weeks, months, later. Like a test. The enemy wants me to hold on, to go back to my old ways, to put myself back into the chains that Christ had freed me from.

The chains of manipulation, self-hatred, emotional dependency, people pleasing, and so many others.

Oh the enemy is sly.

He promises you happiness, fulfillment, your deepest desires satisfied.
Offering you an all expense paid trip to Disney Land, your dream come true.
But you find yourself in a brothel,
the lowest you have ever been.

Thankfully we have a Savior, that fights on our behalf,
He paid the price of our freedom.
He broke the chains once and for all.
We are captives set free.

Though this freedom in some ways seems harder than captivity,
it is always worth it.

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Therefore, behold, I will allure her...

2010-07-07T00:27:00.000-06:00

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her." Hosea 2:14

This is my season. I am in a desert, a wilderness, full of time to be alone, just me and God. Don't get me wrong, these times have been so sweet. I am deeply relational, so to not have very many, if any, deep friendships in my life is very painful.

I love and hate this season. I love spending time with the Lord, but I hate the pain of refinement. I was cautioned that this was going to happen by a dear friend of mine, and she was right.

Today the pain was real. I am not in Texas anymore. I don't know when I will see some of my closest friends again, my wedding probably, in another 3-10 years. Our friendship now looks very different. We are thousands of miles apart. Facebook, Twitter, text messages, and the occasional phone call. Ouch.

The Lord is doing exactly what I asked Him to do, "Draw me closer to You, bind our hearts together." A very dangerous prayer, worth it in the end though.

So here in the desert Lord I will wait upon You.

Come and have Your way in me.

Refine me. Mold me. Shape me.

Into more of Your likeness.

I am safe in Your arms,

I am safe here, in the unknown,

in the darkness.

Your love covers me.

You are enough.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Suprises

2010-07-05T21:08:00.000-06:00

The older I get, the more I realize that God is a God of surprises.

Tonight I find myself once again thinking about the past, present and future. I had a very encouraging conversation with my friend David today, and with most good conversation comes processing.

Just two weeks ago I was in Texas, at the Honor Academy. Today, here at home, it feels like years ago, a mere dream.

I feel like the next 6 weeks is going to be more like a purgatory, a waiting period fully of testing and trails. I was warned about this feeling, this depression that could sink in, the loneliness. I am clinging to Christ with all I have, because in all reality I have no idea where my life is going. Don't get me wrong that is fine, I am getting used to that.

Lord,

I know that I am here for such a time as this.

Please show me what that means.

Draw me to Yourself.

To the secret place.

Where it's just You and me.

I long for You, here in the quiet darkness.

And there in the whirlwind of busyness.

Guide me Lord, along Your path.

I will follow You.

And Lord,

that man that I wait for,

draw him to You too.

Prepare us, for the right time.

May our hearts be fixed on You.

Always on our first love, Christ Jesus.

And in this waiting, Lord,

have Your way.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

A look at the past

2010-07-04T14:50:00.000-06:00

I found some of my old journals a few days ago. One was from fall of 2005-spring of 2006, the other fall of 2007-spring of 2008. The latter one was the most eye opening. Here I sit two years later, a completely different woman.

So much has happened over the last two years, I can honestly say I didn't have a clue. But one thing that I love about keeping a journal is that I can look back at what God was showing me and teaching me, and see how it has worked on in my life now.

One of my journal entries from the spring of 2008 talked about an idea the Lord had given me, I told my best friend that I could see myself teaching African children, aside from that I didn't think too much of it. Who knew that a year later, God would reveal to me a dream much bigger than I imagined, a calling to start an orphanage, to be a mother to the motherless, to finish my teaching degree, and someday travel to Africa. I had forgotten all about that journal entry years earlier, God was preparing me even then.

"He who started a good work in you is faithful to complete it" Philippians 1:6

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

New Season and New Lessons

2010-06-30T21:32:00.000-06:00

Well I am now at home, which is so weird. Leaving the Honor Academy early was one of the hardest decisions of my life, and the most painful goodbyes I have ever said.

Home is a completely different world, which is not all bad. I have lots of free time, and I get to decide what to do with it. Now this can be a good thing and a bad thing. I am doing my best to be self controlled and disciplined, I am learning this :)

I am also learning a lot about living love with my family, not easy friends! But worth it.

My heart in this season of life, the 7 weeks I have at home before I move to go to college in Boise, is to draw away with God and continue to get clarity and vision for the next few years of my life.

In someways this move home makes sense, I have been saying I have been in a season of transition of the transition, and now I am in the transition. It has proved to be an interesting adventure, life outside of the Honor Academy's safe, high standard, passionate, loving community of believers. But I am finding now, more than ever, there is hope for this world, hope for you, hope for me, hope for the ones I love, hope for the man on the street and the woman standing next to me in line at Walmart. Hope that is Jesus Christ.

The Lord has been showing me so much about His plans, when they are often so different from mine. I am here for such a time as this (Esther 4:14), yesterday I took a walk with a dear friend, we spent a few hours catching up and sharing life, encouraging one another in the Lord. I am so thankful for that time.

So often we try to do life on our own, we are our own worst critic. Examining every flaw, seen and unseen, making action plans and setting goals so that we can be better people, better Christians, better women, etc. But the Lord showed me something about our ambition and drive for self improvement, often times we forget the work He has done in us already, I'll give you a personal example and an analogy.

Over the last few years I have realized that some of my relationships with men were unhealthy, it caused me a lot of heartache. Since making this observation I have been determined to change, and through that journey I have made mistakes, I get closer to my goal and still fall in some way or another. It is easy for me to sit down and think "Oh why did I do/say that? It was so foolish, such a poor decision. I will never overcome this problem, I am so frustrated! What is wrong with me? I can't get this right". Can any one relate? But what the Lord showed me is this:

Think of a child who just started their first year playing softball. They have never played before, so at practices and games, they try their hardest to get a hit or make a play. This child strives to hit the ball, but always strikes out. Then they finally hit the ball, but it is a line drive right to the first baseman, and they are out, again. With their head hung low, and tears stinging their eyes, they walk back to the dug out. There they are met by the coach, their Father, who is so proud of His child. He bends down to the child, and sees the disappointment all over their face. He says to them, "Why are you sad? You HIT the ball! You did it! I am so proud of you!" The child responds, "But Dad, I got out. I always get out. I will never get on base or hit a home run." The Father scoops up His child and reminds Him where they started, how far they had come, and how proud and happy He is.

Friends, how often in life do we struggle to overcome something and we expect to go from striking out to hitting a home run over night? Let us rejoice in the victories, in the journey!

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Waiting, lots of waiting

2010-05-13T22:06:00.001-06:00

Another season of waiting. I can't seem to escape those.

I am seeing God start to give me some of the deepest desires of my heart. I have been praying for a godly group of women to live with, and the Lord is preparing the hearts my best friend and her roommate, uniting their hearts with mine, having the same passion for the Lord. It's wonderful. Yet we all are waiting for August to arrive, to bring us back together.

I am waiting. On many things. One thing that I have been waiting on for years, some days I feel like it could happen tomorrow, other days I feel like I may have to wait another 10 years. I know that somewhere out there is my husband, and I am waiting for him, or more accurately waiting for God.

"Delight yourself in the Lord;

And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord

Trust also in Him and He will do it."

-Psalm 37:4-5

Tonight is one of those nights when I have many questions without answers. I am wondering, "Is he thinking of me? Does he even know me? Is he waiting for me like I am waiting for him? How much longer will I wait? Why does this desire keep growing?" Many times I have asked the Lord to take this desire from me, but He does not. So I will bear this burden, tonight it weighs heavily upon my heart. And yet, I will wait, yes I will wait on the Lord.

"He is here. He is here.

Be still my soul, be still.

Wait patiently upon the Lord.

Be still my soul, be still"

-Kari Jobe 'Be still'

The Lord can and will hold my heart, He is my all in all, He satisfies even the deepest longings of my heart.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Processing

2010-04-25T22:58:00.000-06:00

What a season of life. In some aspects it is ever changing and in others it is so still or should I say stale?

*Sigh*

My heart hurts. The Lord has been revealing things to me tonight that I did not want to see. He is good at that. I don't like to admit when people have hurt me, I have always played the strong, tough woman. Ha, yeah right. The truth is, friends, I have a very soft heart, my feelings do get hurt, and my heart does get broken.

Oh, Lord, I have been careless once again, and find my heart in pieces. Will I ever learn? Thank You for Your grace! Lord, please come to me, meet me here in my moment of weakness, of need, of desperation.

Vulnerability. Exposure. Words that no one really likes. In times like this I think I know how Eve felt in the garden, when we discovered she was naked, and had sinned against the Lord. She hid, and God still knew, and called to her.

This is good, yet painful. Hosea 6:1-3, Lord break me, so that You can rebuild me.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

So much going on

2010-04-17T09:08:00.000-06:00

Well friends, life has been interesting the past month or so. I really don't know where God is taking me, but that is ok-because I am trusting the Lord. I know that He has a plan and that His ways are higher than my ways.

Its been an interesting journey, I am currently at a dessert season with the Lord. But I will not quite pursuing Him. Often I have felt that I am on a path with many forks on the road ahead, and here I am, waiting. I have been standing in the same spot for what seems like forever, and I am so weary of standing. In fact I cannot stand anymore, all I can do is sink to my knees. And keep waiting.

I am currently sitting in Salt Lake City, at the airport on my way to see my best friend Samantha. :) Then tomorrow night I fly home to visit my family for a week and a half. Then back to Samantha and on campus May 2nd. This is going to be hopefully a very clarity filled, fun, relaxing time.

~Standing On His Promises~

CaseyMay

Trust

2010-03-18T15:04:00.000-06:00

The Lord is teaching me a lot about trust.

I graduate my internship in August. I had a plan of where I was going to college. Now I discover that it would cost be $18,000, to go there-that is after all the loans and financial aid. So, now what?

Wait.

Waiting is painful. But I know this will only bring me closer to the Lord.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Sometimes there are no words

2010-03-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have found that there have been many times the last week or so that there are no words to describe how I feel.

I have found comfort and joy, in the presence of the Lord. In many ways I have been broken, and restored. Hosea 6:1-3 says:

Come, let us return to the LORD
For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
²"He will revive us after two days;
He will raise us up on the third day,
That we may live before Him.
³"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like therain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth."
I feel as though this is my current season. So much is going on right now in my head, and in my heart. I am being refined and it is good.

Just yesterday the Lord used me in a very unique way.
I was attending a church that I normally don't attend, and at the end of the service a young woman came up to me. And she told me that I brought so much joy to her (I was convinced that she had the wrong person). She went on to say that she had seen me worshiping, and noticed my hands. (If you didn't know, I am missing some fingers on my left hand due to a birth defect, the doctors diagnosed it as amniotic band syndrome, my opinion is that is not accurate but that is a different story)...this woman began to tell me that she has a 1 year old daughter with amniotic bands that she had recently put up for adoption. She had been very angry with God about her daughters condition, and thought that maybe she had done something wrong. She said that she later that she hoped her daughter would grow up to be confident like I was. I admitted to her that I had never been confident until the Lord worked in my heart a year and a half ago, but since her daughter was being raised in a Christian home, she shouldn't struggle too much.

The Lord used me to heal this woman's heart, and I didn't do anything but worship God...the Lord has promised to bring glory to His name through my hands and feet (I also have no toes...). He is making good on that promise, more so then I realized...

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Thoughts

2010-02-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today I think I have a lot on my mind.

Separating the massive amounts of things on my mind is the challenge.

I love the Lord, so much, I am falling more in love with Him each day.

I need Him, more than anything, I can not live without Him.

I am tired and weary today.

But the Lord promises to give me rest.

His yoke is easy an His burden is light.

I want to get married.

I am waiting on the Lord.

I am not anxious.

I am not waiting in vain, I am learning so much.

The Lord's timing is perfect.

My future is in front of me.

I think I know my next step.

But most of I want to know its what God wants.

I am a new creation in Christ.

I trust the Lord so much more, I am not in control.

I love it.

The Lord is sovereign.

He promises to work all things out for good.

I am 21 years old.

But I love be child-like.

My heartaches for the orphans of the world.

I long to be a mother, to as many children as possible.

I desire to see people set free by the love of Christ.

Its been a rough day.

I think I need a good cry.

But more then anything,

I just want to be held.

Lord,

Like a little girl I come to You.

Tired, broken, longing,

needing to be loved,

to be held,

to be reminded of who I am.

Lord I need to feel Your strong, loving arms around me.

Meet me here Jesus.

Your Beloved longs for you,

calling Your name in the streets,

searching for the One she loves.

Things are changing...I like it :)

2010-02-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I have been so busy, I am sorry, both my events are coming up very quickly! Atlanta is NEXT WEEKEND! I can't believe it! Nashville is in just 4 weeks! Crazy...

The Lord has been doing a lot in my life the past few months-2 months to be exact. I am falling more in love with Christ everyday. In the last few weeks, especially, the Lord has been transforming me. I have really begun to trust the Lord, I am not nearly as stressed or uptight as I used to be, its like my personality has changed, and its wonderful. I feel like my season of life is going to change, though I don't know in what way specifically-I'll keep you updated.

I am listening to sermons by Voodie Bauchum about biblical manhood and womanhood, they are so good. You should check it out at this link

Let me know your thoughts.

Back in Texas and really busy!

2010-01-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since the last post. I have been back in Texas now for a week, and things are very busy-especially at work. Both my events have deadlines coming up, I worked over time last week and have been dealing with a lot in my own personal life as well.

The Lord is taking me through a season of refinement again, and it is good but painful. I have to let go of a friendship that is hindering my walk with the Lord, and that is very painful but I think in the long run it will help both of us come closer to the Lord.

I will explain more later, but for now this is all I have time to post. I will be checking on your blogs :)

~Standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Real Life, Real Love, Real Pain

2010-01-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have been back home with my family for almost 3 weeks. This is the longest I have been home in over a year. I have learned much about life and about love...

Today I was on the verge of tears thinking about leaving my family and best friend to go back to Texas, not knowing when I will come back home. As my heart aches I am reminded that it is only because I really love them that I hurt.

In life there is much pain, and in many of our lives we are hurt by those we love the most. At times those hurts can cause us to guard our hearts-sometimes closing it off completely. We can be afraid to get close to someone because we fear that they will leave us, or betray us, causing our hearts to be broken all over again. But if we do not love, we will surely die. Consider this:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”--CS Lewis

This quote was given to me by a dear friend last year, during a time in my life that I did not want to love, for fear of having my heart broken once again.

Love hurts, but not in a negative way. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Love is patient

love is kind

and is not jealous

love does not brag

and is not arrogant

does not act unbecomingly

it does not seek its own

is not provoked

keeps no record of wrongs

does not rejoice in unrighteousness

but rejoices with the truth

love never fails

Love is not easy by any means. But to love deeply is to really live. Saying goodbye, or even walking through life with those you love hurts. The love Christ displayed on the cross hurt too.

Love Deeply.

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Home and 2009

2009-12-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

Being home was rough at first, its always hard to be back as an adult yet still a child. But I have enjoyed my extended visit.

Normally I would be home a little less then 2 weeks, but because I needed to get my wisdom teeth taken out (had that done on Monday) I am here until January 9th. I have enjoyed not being rushed, enjoying people, especially my family. And also being home with my best friend is a plus :)

Today is the last day of 2009. I can't believe it. It has been a crazy year...

I was broken before the Lord so many times, and He showed Himself faithful
I saw many lasting friendships
I learned how to love deeply and simply (1 Cor 13:4-8)
I discovered who I was and what my calling is
I had the privilege of promoting and being the assistant director of the Atlanta Acquire the Fire that happened in April
I endured trials that brought many many tears, and many lessons
I was truly transformed by God
I was a nanny for 2 weeks during a mission trip in Dallas, TX
I graduated Teen Mania's Honor Academy
I saw God work through me and without me in the lives of my family and closest friends
I went to counseling :)
I laughed, cried, lived and loved
I went on many adventures
I moved on
I g0t to be the Director of 2 Acquire the Fire events and supervise 6 interns
I have seen the Lord work in the hearts of those I love most

2010. My hope for 2010 is that I will know the Lord more, love people better, and continue to grow. When I think of 2010 I think of myself as a flower in the middle of a field that is covered with fresh rain-it is the beginning of spring. A time to step out in who I am, to be bold, to be free to be me.

We shall see....

~Standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Learning :)

2009-12-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have been learning a lot of lessons recently. Some big and some small but lessons all the same.

1. You can't please everyone
2. God as your where you are for a reason
3. Love is hard but worth it

I feel like this season of my life is giving way to another. I don't know why but for the past few years the fall season (August-December) is by far the hardest for me, spiritually especially. I am not sure why that is. But through this desert season I am learning so much, about fighting for my relationship with the Lord and about refinement. I am excited for spring, for the internal lessons I have learned to become evident.

I am getting closer to making a decision about college. Though leaving the Honor Academy will be sad and different it will also be very good.

Psalm 23
The LORD, the Psalmist's Shepherd.
A Psalm of David.
1The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
3He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
6Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Today's Promise--The Lord is my refuge

2009-12-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Psalm 91: 2-3, 9-11, 14-16

2I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!"
3For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.

9For you have made the LORD, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
10No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.
11For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.

14"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15"He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16"With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation."

When I read this today, I remembered the hope I have in the Lord and His protection over me. No matter what I encounter today, temptation, trail, frustration, failure, heart break, etc the Lord is my refuge, I trust Him and He is faithful to deliver me.

Life here at home can be difficult at times, I am realizing that in about 8 months I will be back in the 'real' world, away from my safe environment of the Honor Academy. I have already seen my weaknesses magnified, and am quickly seeing the changes I need to make to be ready. And while there are still many unknowns about what I will do after my graduation of my GI year, I know that the Lord will guide my path. It is in Him that I seek refuge. This promise, I will stand on.
~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

The happenings of the last few months

2009-12-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well friends, here is the update on my life in my long absence.

In August I graduated the Honor Academy and became a graduate intern (GI). My role would be a manager over the Acquire the Fire events in Atlanta and later Nashville. Many changes ensued at the end of August/beginning of September not only in my work/management but also in my personal life. In the end of September and beginning of October I worked A LOT of overtime and was very stressed out. In my own personal life I was feeling very alone.

I didn't know how to start over, again. New people, new opportunities and seemingly no one that really knew me. I began to realize how dependent I was on people and other things, I started meeting with a Christian counselor-which helped heal my heart so much, I realized my signs of dependency and would stop myself before I was dependant. But I still didn't know how to start healthy relationships, so I just didn't. I was also scared of loving deeply again, because real love hurts. I was distant in my relationship with the Lord too. When I sought Him for answers I heard no answer so I just decided to do it myself.

I have been unsuccessfully doing everything on my own strength until yesterday. I knew that coming back home for Christmas (for almost a month) would break me. And my first day home, it did. I knew that I couldn't do anything anymore, I needed God so badly. I know that my life is now in the right order and I believe that God will be doing some great things in and with my life in the coming season. And I am very excited to be back here and share them with you.

Thank you for your patience and love.
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

i'm back :)

2009-12-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my very long absence in the blogging world! I will be posting a lot more frequently.

A lot has happened the past five months...the next post will give you a little summary, but for now I wanted to thank you for your patience and for your love. More details to come...

~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

I lose

2009-07-05T20:11:00.000-06:00

So today is a day that I think I can't win. It seems as though in my relationship with my family that things just get worse, today is one of those days. I know that they, just like me, are trying to figure out how this family relationship works with me being so far away and having "my own life." They can speak out of hurt feelings, which end up also hurting me, but I choose to love them even when it is hard, I am in no way saying or carrying myself as to believe that I am better than them. But I am being honest when I say that love isn't easy sometimes.

Sigh. I am trying to do the best I can with what I have been given. I am in Texas, 1,973 miles away from them, and due to my busy schedule and financial situation I can't go home very often. I know that they miss me a lot and that without me being there it makes things a little more difficult for them. I am doing my best to see past their words/attitudes/actions that may not seem loving and look to their hearts and see that they are hurt because they love me so much.

This is hard. Walking in God's will is not easy, especially when those you love the most disagree with you. But Christ being crucified was not easy either. The cross that we are called to carry gets heavy and causes hurt, but we do not carry it alone, it is by God's strength that we take every step and He is the healer of the broken and says that in our brokenness He is made complete.

Please pray for my family and me. Pray that we both discern God's will for me and that we are faithful to walk out in it, despite what our own will is.

~standing on His Promises~
Casey May

Anew day

2009-06-17T08:47:00.001-06:00

A new hope.

My heart

2009-06-16T08:29:00.000-06:00

My heart hurts.

Please Lord wrap Your arms around me and make this pain go away.

the end.

Learning lessons

2009-06-05T18:47:00.000-06:00

Ok, so my Core Advisor asked our core (the six of us girls that life together), to fast from men. In everyway, no talking, texting, touching, hand signal, etc. She said that God really burdened her with this, and it was confirmed many times, even in some of the girls' hearts.

It was hard to deal with at first, most of me wanted to rebel and not do it. But it was in that moment that I realized I needed it. So often we can let the relationships in our life distract us from God, especially with men. Something that God is trying to show me is that I often try and please men instead of Him.

And because I know tha God is preparing me to be a wife and a mother in this season of singleness, its hard to gurad my heart and mind. I am at an internship where there are some great men of God, and there is no dating, but as a woman often finds, it can be very hard not to play the "What if?" game. So now that I am on a fast from men, I am focusing more on the Lord. I think that through this I am going to mature a lot as a woman. Not only that but I am also going grow in my intimacy with the Lord. I am excited but it is a challenge. Some of them are confused because they think we are ignoring them, poor guys. It's really hard when some of them you are really close to (one of my friends sits rights across from me, we face eahc other, luckily he is not here right now, and then leave for his mission trip, hopefully when he comes back it will be over).

I will keep you updated! Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Been too long again!

2009-05-31T14:34:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone
Again it seems as though I have lost track of time. Finished all my finals last week and now am thankfully in summer mode!

I got really sunburnt this weekend, and am still recovering-turns out Texas sun can be brutal. I can't tell you how excited I am for this next season of my life. I am entering a season of preperation. Like Esther. She went away for a year and prepared herself for marriage. That is where I am at, not neccesarily in the literal sense (there is still no dating and right now I am married to Jesus). However, I am falling more in love with Jesus everyday. I am learning how to grow into the woman God has called me to be. I am His bride. He adores me, He thinks I am the most beautiful woman, He longs to be with me, He draws me into His presence. It's wonderful.

I am excited to hear about what is going on in your lives! Please share. Thank you for all of your support as I continue to break through financial barrers. I am hopeful that this summer I can begin to fund raise for my next year-which thankfully is $2400 cheaper!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Sorry things have been crazy!

2009-04-29T13:39:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone.

I apologize I have been really busy, which is why I haven't posted in awhile. I will spare you the details :)

I have been learning a lot lately, mainly about the wounds of my heart that I have burried, yet still effect how I act/think. So I have been seeing a councelor and we are working on the wounds my dad has inflicted and the message of those wounds. This is very challenging and emotionally taxing. But as I am processing things it is making sense.

I would ask that you all keep me in your prayers for my finances. I am needing more money, not as much for my internship, but for my required mission trip. I need to have $775 by Monday, and that is only half of the trip. I have been having a really hard time getting friends and family to support my internship, let alone a mission trip. So be praying that God helps me to raise the funds. Also pray that my family and I can rebuild our relationship as there is a lot of hurt feelings to overcome.

Let me know how I can be praying for you! God bless!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

PS if you know anyone that would like to donate please have them go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php for my internship and http://cf.globalexpeditions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=about.donate ID # 2508190. All donations are tex deductable.

Crazy times

2009-03-31T23:10:00.000-06:00

Well dear friends, I wish I could say that March has been peaceful but the truth is, it has been so crazy.

The last week alone I have faced many challenges and changes. As you know I have been in a bind financially, added to that was my 'family core' (a group of us guys and girls that are very close and have lived through the internship together) were recently split up due to some changes in our leadership. This means that I get a new family core. I know that this might not make sense and I apologize. These guys that I am very close to, I will not see as often and our relationship will change drastically. I have new guys for a 'brother' core and new 'sisters' added to my life. I am embracing these new people and this new season. I see the good in this.

I am currently back at home on emergency leave. My parents had to make an emergency trip 5 1/2 hours away to take care of my grandpa who was found 1 1/2 hours from his home disoriented. This left them without some one to take care of Ashley, my disabled sister, so since I am the only one that can physically lift her and care for her, I was flown home last Friday. My parents are now in the process of preparing to move my grandpa and his wife closer to her family. So I am at home until April 6th. If you have ever taken care of some one's needs long-term you understand how much work it is physically and emotionally. I will be honest I don't want to be here, I have a lot of things waiting for me back at the Honor Academy, but I am embracing this opportunity to love and serve my family.

I have been learning so much this month, it seems like just when I am stretched to the max God stretches me even more. I am learning how to trust God, that is SO hard for me. I am also discovering some deep issues and working through them. My event-Atlanta Acquire the Fire-is almost sold out and is coming up 2 weeks from Friday! God is blessing me and my team for our faithfulness and it is only by Him that things are happening in Atlanta.

Thank you all for your prayers and support through this time. I love each and every one of you so much.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Needing your help

2009-03-23T19:11:00.000-06:00

***I created a blog just about my internship, it is www.caseyshalife.blogspot.com ***

I need your help. I am in need of $470 for my HA tuition by Sunday. Please keep me in your prayers, as I pray and seek and ask. If I do not have the money in time I will be asked to leave the Honor Academy.

If you know anyone that would like to donate they can go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php ID #2508190

Thank you so much! I love you!

~standing on His Promises~
Casey May

My life is falling apart but for once that is ok

2009-03-13T12:28:00.000-06:00

Oh, so many lessons in life that have to be learned the hard way. This week has been a really hard week, I can't go into much detail because it would take a long time to explain and clearly communicate.

Here at the HA we have what are called Family Cores, this is a core of girls and a core of guys (brother core+sister core= family core). My family core is falling apart, because some people made some really poor choices and broke some major rules. As a result one of our brothers has to leave the HA (rightfully so). But unfortunately I have a part in this, because I did not inform the leadership soon enough because I was so worried about everyone else and how deep their involvement was.

Through all this brokenness I am learning new lessons and relearning old ones.

God is in control no matter what. It will all be ok, no matter who goes or who stays it is all ok.

I have also decided to seek counseling while here at the HA, my first session will be next Friday. I mad ethis decision because there are so many elements in my past that are affecting me now and I can't deal with them or work through them without serious help.

This is a season of refinement and discipline and ultimatley growth. With growth comes pain. There is pain in this offering, it is a sacrifice. But I give it with joy.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

2009-03-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

March 02, 2009. Last night around 7:00 I made a commitment to live the rest of my life, for and with Jesus. The ring, engraved in Hebrew says "I am my Beloved's and He is mine". Let me give you some background about why this touches my soul in such a deep way.I have worn a purity ring for almost five years, a symbol of my commitment to my future husband to stay pure. I had my eyes set on that very hope, someday getting married, my fight for purity rewarded.

Upon arriving at the Honor Academy (August 2008) the Lord revealed told me to take off my ring, I asked why and didn't find out until a few weeks later. I had been living in the pursuit of a husband not the Lord, and my view of love was so messed up. So I began to pursue the Lord's heart and experienced what real love really was. I began to love the people around me so deeply. I poured so much love out, it was only the love of the Lord that changed me, and changes others. People don't need my love, they need the love of God. And my life is lived first and foremost for Him alone. Love is not eays, and love does hurt, by learning how to love, you also learn how to live with the hurt that comes with love. There has been hurt the last few months, a lot of it, but I wouldn't go back and change a thing because loving those people was so worth it.

So last night, a put a ring back on my ring finger, pledging my love and commitment to Lord. My life is lived for Him alone, and my love and devotion is His. We are united as one, and I couldn't be happier.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

What is it....

2009-02-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

What is it about the sunshine that makes me so happy? The warmth, the brillance, the power....yes all of those answers are correct. I love the sun and The Son! :)

Even in the face of a very busy schedule and life, I can still find peace in the Lord.

I wish I had time to give you more details, please be in prayer over my finances for my missions trip to Zambia and for my tuition, I am still fighting an uphill battle.

I love you all so much!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Superwoman

2009-02-10T17:55:00.001-07:00

SO, I have discovered that I, in fact, am not superwoman. Imagine my shock when I discovered this.

I can not save the world, my freinds, my family, anyone, not even myself. I do not have the answers to people's problems, I am not what they need. I can love them and listen to them all that I want, but they will never be truly filled until they seek Jesus. He is the only one that can make things better. Me carrying my burdens along with the burdens of others, it is not healthy and its a sin because I am not trusting God. I had to learn this the hard way.

Last week I was so stressed out that I caused myself to be physically ill-I think I even had the begining of a stomach ulcer. I paid for being overly stressed and independant. I won't do that I again. I am laying my burdens down at the cross, those that I am not meant to carry.

This morning I had the best quiet time I have had in months, I simply read the Word and journaled and then laid on the floor and rested (not slept) in the presence of God. It was amazing. And even now that I have 30 million things to do, I am still at peace because I am trusting God to help me and I am taking things one step at a time. (and prioritizing things helps too).

I hope all is well, remember that you do not save anyone, rather God does. People don't need you, they need Jesus. You are not, and will never be superwoman, so quit trying and

"be still and know that I am God"

~standing on His Promises~

CaseyMay

Please be praying

2009-01-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

Please be praying that God would provide what I need for my HA tuition. Below is a copy of the letter I sent out yesterday. Thank you so much for praying with me and for me. I love you all so much!

Dear Friends and Family,

2009. I can’t believe that we have started another year already. Looking back on 2008, I can say that it was a really great year and thanks to all of your love and support, I have been able to embark on this wonderful, stretching and amazing journey that has placed me here at the Honor Academy, in Lindale, Texas. Thank you so much for all the love and support you’ve given me.

I have successfully completed my first five months of this intense internship. It has been a great and trying experience, I have certainly learned a lot about myself and the depths of God. My core/roommates (pictured at left) have taught me so much about loving people and communication.. I really do love what I am doing here at the Honor Academy and I honestly couldn’t see myself anywhere else. The training I receive here in leadership coupled with the perfect environment to gain a strong foundation in the Lord, is the best available. I have eight months left in this year-long internship. I’d like to take a moment to share with you what God is going to be doing over the next few months.

This semester I am pushing myself even harder by taking all the classes available, Missions, World View, Character Development, Apologetics, New Testament Survey, (just to name a few). I am also diligently working to promote and recruit youth groups to attend our Atlanta Acquire the Fire April 17-18. This event is a difficult one, we have a lot of competition in the Atlanta area with other events that occur around ours and it is typically a small ever, (1,300). My goal is to see 2,000 people come to this event, my team and I (pictured a right) are being very faithful and standing on the promise of Ephesians 3:20, “By God’s power working through us He will do immeasurably more than we ever hoped or dreamed”. Please keep us in prayer!

On a very exciting note, I’d love to share with you that I have the opportunity to go to Zambia, Africa on a missions trip June 14-July10. It has been my dream for the past four years to go on a mission’s trip to Africa. As part of my internship, it is a requirement of my graduation to complete a Global Expeditions Missions Trip, this would meet that requirement. On this trip I will be leading a group of teen missionaries and be in the field helping in clinics dealing with orphans. As many of you know, I have such a desire to help these little ones without homes and in an AIDS effected environment. The total cost of the trip is $4,354. I must have half of these funds in by May 4th. I will be working hard on fundraising over the next few months. I would ask that you prayerfully consider supporting me in this adventure.

I need your help. I am currently behind in my tuition and need $685 before the beginning of February to stay at the Honor Academy. I know that money is tight, but I am asking you to please consider becoming a monthly sponsor or even a one-time donor. Your gift is not just going to me, but it is going to the thousands of youth that will attend Acquire the Fire and encounter God this year, to the thousands of teens Global Expeditions sends on missions around the world, and ultimately to the advancement of the Kingdom of God.

All donations are tax deductible. To donate you can go to www.honoracademy.com/donate.php to donate online. Search by my information: Casey Sharp, phone number 208-816-1447, ID # 2508190. If you’d like to set up a monthly donation plan please contact Sharon Chupp at 903-324-7571 or Sharon.chupp@teenmania.com. If you’d like to mail in a check, please make it payable to Teen Mania’s Honor Academy and leave the memo blank. Please include a note with my information on it (see above).

Thank you so much for all the love and support you have given me over the years. I love you all so much. Please free to contact me with any questions at 208-816-1447, casey.sharp@teenmania.com or caseymay88@gmail.com. I pray that God blesses you this year as you continue to live His love and carry His light into the darkness.
~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Harsh Reality

2009-01-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

So, my friend Michael left the Honor Academy yesterday. He and I were best friends and, it took 3 times saying goodbye at the airport before we finally left. This was almost as hard as saying goodbye to my family in August.

I just realized, he's not coming back. And my heart is breaking into a million pieces all over again.There are so many reminders of him here. My desk, which I am currently sitting at, has memories and notes all over it from him.

I feel like an empty shell, like I am just going through the motions of life. I feel so alone. I know that God will take care of him, but I miss him so much. He left a hole in my life. A big hole. One that I know only time and God can fill.

I am trying to fundraise for my Honor Academy tuition. Currently I need $685 by the end of this month in order to stay at the Honor Academy. I know that God is faithful and that I also have to do my part in this. I need God's strength because right now I don't have the energy to do anything at all.

I am sorry for this depressing post. I just needed to get some things off my chest. I hope you are all doing well. I think of you often.

~standing on His promises~
CaseyMay

Today

2009-01-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

Today...

Just breathe.

It will be ok.

Let the circumstances fade away
As you sink into your Daddy's arms
Wrapped in His love

As you lay there

BREATHE.

Cry if you need to.

You don't have to be strong for anyone
not even for yourself.

Cry.

So many thoughts....

2008-12-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

So many thoughts....in my head. I am supposed to be writing a blog that will go up on our website for the Atlanta ATF, this is my chance to speak to the people that look at our site, and for once in my life, I am at a loss for words!

*sigh*

In other news, I am back in Texas at the Honor Academy. I am glad to be back, though I know this next season in my life will be tough and challenging and stretching, if I remember correctly that's why I came here ;)

I'm in a weird mood. Probably because I need to go have ny quiet time, but even more than that, I am just realizing how so many little conflicts or disagreements get turned into big deals, when really all you need to do is die to yourself--> myself included. I am so done arguing over things that don't matter! It's so much easier to serve another person than be selfish (easier in the long run, not in the moment).

God has been showing me a lot lately about my future at the HA. I will plan on staying another year as both a Core Advisor and the Director of the Atlanta ATF (this is all in plan, nothing is for sure or confirmed). This in and of itself will be challenging but I know that I can do so much more than I am currently doing. So because of that I will also be taking all classes offered (8 hours or so) and also working (31 hours) and doing the IET (Intensive Elective Training) program. I hope that this will prepare me for the next season of my life, in removing the limits I place on myself and teaching me how to not stress out over things I cannot control.

Hope you all are doing well!

~standing on His promises~
CaseyMay

Not about me

2008-12-24T00:42:00.000-07:00

The last four months, while attending the Honor Academy, have taught me a lot about how the world works. The truth is, life, believe it or not, is not about me.

The homeless man on the street, my family, my friends, the girl working the corner, the waitress, the CEO, the unreached people, the high schooler, the world...they don't need me. I am not going to meet their need. They need love. That is something that only God truly can give. My love, (or version of it) will not save or protect people. God's love, perfect and true, is what they need. I can be a vessel for God's love, but to do that I must be emptied of myself. I must die to myself, and live for God, loving Him and loving others.

I have learned so much these last four months, and I will learn so much more in the coming eight months or so.

I spoke to my old youth pastor and he pointed something out about me that had changed. He told me that when he sees me, he can tell my spirit is so free. And I thought about it, and he is right. Before I left for the Honor Academy, I was so weighed down by lies and by the limitations I had set on myself. However, now I am free, I love to love, and I am who God created me to be.

I wish I could tell you all of the lessons I have learned, but that would be a book, not a blog. ;)

Remember that only God is the one who can define you. I would encourage you to read the book "Special" by Max Lucado (I believe that's the correct title). Find out who God says you are, stick to it, and don't believe the lies any longer. Be set free. And above all else stand on His promises, He never breaks them.

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

Home? Lewiston or Garden Valley? Homeless??

2008-12-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

Home. I think that's where I am...I am in my old place of residence, with my family. Back in the same small river town, with people that love me so very much. But this doesn't feel like home anymore. The people do, I think that's the only reason I come back.

The Honor Academy. Home? Temporarily. Again, its the people that keep me there. My family core, my good friends, my team. That's why it's home.

But niether of these "homes" are really mine. My home is somewhere, I'm not sure where though.

Over the past four months I have learned so much. I am a changed woman, and yes I am a woman now, no longer a girl, but a woman. I am striving to be a Godly woman, a woman of honor and love.

Being back home in the valley, has shown me a lot and it's with a heavy heart that I have come to realize that I will not be moving back here after the Honor Academy. My heart is heavy because the people I love and have lived life with are here. There was a point in life when I said I would never leave, and shortly after I said that I left. And now I am not coming back, to live.

God's plans for me are bigger than this valley, He has called me elsewhere. I am praying for the right time to tell my parents, it probably won't be until the spring or summer when it's closer to graduation.

8 months. That's all I have left. But those 8 months are going to grow me so much. Mountian Climbing, Unreached People Group, Celebreations, Atlanta ATF, Missions Trip, and so much more.

I am changed. And the voice of the Shepherd leads me, to no other voice will I run.

~standing on His Promise~
Casey May

SURPRISE!!!!

2008-11-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

I'M HOME!!!By the grace and mercy of God I was able to come home and surprise my family and best friend, for Thanksgiving. They were so suprised! My Daddy picked me up at the airport at 11:30am and drove me home. I went into the house behind him, and my mom looked at me for a second then went back to cleaning! My Dad said, "Honey, there's some one standing by the door." She looked again and actually saw me! She screamed and then cried as she hugged me. My sisters soon followed. After spending sometime with them, I went to SamanthaMarie's house. That was one of the best surprises ever!

I called her, and talked with her like normal, (thinking I was still in Texas). I knocked on her door. While still talking with me on the phone, she asks "who is it?". Of course, I can't answer. She slowly opens the door. And then steps back and says, "Are you really here right now?!" Looking back at her phone. It was great!

It is so surreal being back at home, it's like I never left, but at the same time, I know I'll be leaving on Sunday morning. SamanthaMarie and I have kept in touch so well, and my family as well. *sigh* God is good. I have missed home so much. Yet I miss the HA a little too. Balance. God has a plan for me, and I am so glad. This is so good for my Mom, she has missed me so much.

More than likely the next 4 days will be spent with little sleep, but lots of memories. (Did I mention I have a final when I get back?)

God is such a great Daddy-He gives great gifts. (Pictures coming soon)

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

I'm still here :)

2008-11-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry that it's taken me so long to update and sadly, I don't have much time so this won't be too long.

I am working hard here at the HA, though we have been under heavy spiritual attack. I have definatley been learning the power of prayer and loving even when you do not want to. I have so much to tell you! 2 weeks ago I completed a 3 day fast and I had some revelation coming out of that. This will be the topic of my next blog. Also please feel free to add me on facebook, I have loads of pictures and updates on there. If you have trouble finging me let me know or if you follow Pamela (Pen to Paper, Spirit to Soul) then you can ask her as well.

I am praying for you all and will go check out your blogs soon!

~standing on His Promises~
CaseyMay

The Greatest Love

2008-10-16T06:42:00.000-06:00

*I wish I could read you this out loud so you could get the full effect but I don't know how to do that*

"The Greatest Love"
by CaseyMay

There are many symbols of love.

The heart,
pink or red, whole and passionate,
but made to be broken.

Flowers,
colorful, beautiful, fragrant,
but withers in days.

Chocolate,
sweet, smooth and rich,
but runs out all too soon.

The ring,
A young woman's most sought after possession,
A beautiful ring that means "I'll love you forever",
expensive, beautiful, forever,
but alas,
there are trials and tribulations, the dreaded drain in the sink, and hurt feelings

So which is the greatest symbol of love?
The Cross
Rugged and bloodstained,
Where the greatest act of love was displayed for all to see,
Jesus, Son of God, blameless, Holy, Lamb of God,
broken, beaten and punished,
for your sins.
Scourged, mocked, beaten carried His own cross to His death,
Then nailed to it through His hands and His feet.
Hanging there for you,
So that you may choose life everlasting,
Yet knowing that you may never choose Him.
There He died, a slow, painful death,
the weight of your sins on His shoulders.

The Cross-
Who will take that for you?
Your best friend?
Your Family?
Or even your husband?
No-not even them.

What will you do for the One who gave it all for you?
Will you give your life to Him?
Will you serve Him and others?
Will you give up your own desires?

What wouldn't you do for the One who saved you?

He gave everything,
Isn't it only fair that you do the same?

*just one thing I leanred from my fast*

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Around the Mountain AGAIN

2008-10-05T18:45:00.000-06:00

Well Friends, I am again going around the mountain. I am wrestling with God and fighting Him. I am trying to work throuh some deep issues and emotional dependence. I am forcing myself, for a week, to not talk about how I am feeling with anyone bu t God, I wish I could tell you how hard that is for me. So I will not be using this for an outlet either, please pray for me as I wrestle with God, pray that He quickly wins and that I surrender to His truth and abandon the lies I have been holding onto.

Hope everything is going well!

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

So much wondering

2008-09-29T20:30:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, I will be writing about ESOAL soon, but right now there is another thing pressed upon my heart.

I am so confused right now, which more than likely is exactly where God wants me. I have been learning so much about how to battle my flesh (sinful nature) it is so much harder than it sounds. When you are tempted and you have the choice to indulge or to walk away, your flesh screams out "DO IT" and your spirit cries out "WALK AWAY". You are conflicted. Will you choose what "feels" or "sounds" good or right in the moment, or will you choose to die to yourself and walk away knowing your reward is eternal.

This is SO hard for me. I am struggling with a lot of the lies I have believed and that continue to surface. I am faced everyday with the choice, to live for God or to live for my flesh, this question arises multiple times daily.

I am being forced to confront my past, my present, my future and my sin. It stares me in the face, and forces me to look, it's ugly and unpleasent and painful.

Who will I serve? My flesh or my God?

Only time will tell....

Time is one thing I fear can run out at any moment, and there is so much more I want to know...patience?

*sigh*

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

The HA Rollercoaster

2008-09-08T12:45:00.000-06:00

So, here at the HA we are preparing for our first LTE (life transforming event) called ESOAL (emotionally stretching opportunity of a lifetime). This is why I have been getting up at 4:30 AM Monday through Friday to go train for ESOAL. We are learning that emotions shouldn't and don't control you. This is what ESOAL is all about you can check out the link below to see the video and I promise it looks worse than it is (I have talked to past ESOAL participants about this)

http://www.honoracademy.com/esoal.php

In light of my previous blog, I am learning that emotions don't dictate my decisions. I am fighting my feelings of homesickness as much as I would LOVE to go back home, I know that I MUST stay here for now. And as much as I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for my SamanthaMarie to come down and save me, I can't let her because God, for some reason, wants me to work through this, and one of my biggest issues is that I don't like being alone. So He is continuing to refine me and help me work through things.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement. Please keep me in your prayers ESPECIALLY during ESOAL Spet 18-22nd (we don't know when it officially ends, and I could ring out before it ends, but let's hope not!)

Love you all!
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Homesick

2008-09-06T18:56:00.000-06:00

So I am sitting here at a computer, seeing what's going on in other people's lives back home and I am begining to realize that life as I knew it is moving on without me.

I so badly want to go back home and say "Hey! Everyone Remember ME!" Turns out it's hard to maintain relationships from 2000 miles away sustained on only phone calls that seem to recently be filled with akward silience.

I want to go home. My heart is sad, I want my old life back, my family, my best friend, my job, my church. I just want things to be normal and comfortable. I want to go back to sharing a room with only 1 person instead of 5, and to share an actual bathroom instead of a community one. I want hugs and back rubs and smiles and a safe place to just be me.

I want to stay here because I am getting closer to God, but I hate that I feel so alone here and so seperated from eveyone. I am going to spend my birthday away from my sisters next Friday. I will not be going out to dinner with my family to celebrate, instead I will get up at 4:30 AM for corporate exercise, then go to work and have dinner in the cafeteria with my core. I will not have my family or my best friend, or a birthday cake (I may have one on Saturday).

I didn't know it would be this hard.

The life I knew is not the life I know anymore. They say change is good. But I say change is painful.

*bleh*
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Learning

2008-09-01T18:57:00.000-06:00

Wow.

God is really teaching me a lot of things. One thing He has been impressing upon my heart is being real---admitting and acknowledging my past failures and mistake, those times that weren't so pretty, that were down right disgusting. That is so hard for me, maybe it's a pride thing, maybe it's trust, or maybe it because it's hard and uncomfortable.

If there is one thing I know, it's that God is certainly not going to let me be comfortable this year.

I am getting up at 4:30 AM to exercise Mon-Fri, not by choice, Mr. Hasz calls it worship, and I am beginning to see why. It is there every morning in the dark, still, quiet morning that I beat and crucify my flesh, where I push myself as hard as I can, relying on God's strength instead of my own-this is my act of worship. We exercise on what they call the anvil- and this word brings a visual image to my mind. A metal worker taking a red hot iron out of the fire, placing it on the anvil, and pounding it with a hammer to mold it and shape it. The clang on the metal rings in my ears as I run every morning. God is the metal worker and I am the iron. Refinement hurts but it is worth it. It is the only way to become more like Christ.

I am searching for my identity in Christ. I have discovered so many things that I have believed that are lies from the enemy. Some I didn't even know about. It was then that I realized-apart from the lies, I really don't know who I am. I have believed these things for so long, but now I am replacing them with the TRUTH- God's word.

So much more is happening, bu t I couldn't begin to tell you all of it because it would take up way to much room and time. I hope and pray y'all are doing well and I thank you so much for all you have done for me.
~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

A change of the most glorious kind

2008-08-18T11:35:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone!

So here I am in Graden Valley, Texas at the Honor Academy. I am sitting in the cafeteria and I am just so still in my spirit.

In the past 3 days (which have been SO packed it feels like 10 days!) I have already grown so much in my relationship with the Lord, I wish y'all could see my face, I think I'm glowing :)

God has something so BIG planned for me, I'm not sure what it is but I don't need to know either! SO my heart's cry this year is to be completely broken by God, to the point where my every action and deed reflects Him and all the glory is His and that I rely FULLY on Him, for my everything. Every breath, every thought, every tear, every word, every step, EVERYTHING.

I love you all and I will update when I have time, (by the way my roommates are awesome!) it may not be until Saturday.

~standing on His Promise~
CaseyMay

Just for the record

2008-08-13T22:50:00.000-06:00

Just for the record...

There are some words that when put in perfect order feel like knives in your heart

good-bye

i will miss you

I never want to say these words again or hear them.

Yet this is just the begining

They say my life has just begun

but

I feel like I'm dying

~standing on His Promise~(it's worth it?)

CaseyMay

Dreaming, Dancing, Drifting

2008-08-11T23:27:00.000-06:00

In 2 days I will get on a plane at 6am and move to Texas and I couldn't be more excited. :)

Some might call this denial...

but I call it dreaming.

Dreaming of all the things I have not seen

Dreaming of the adventure that awaits me

Dreaming of the person I will become

Dreaming of the God I will fall in love with

Dreaming of the unknown

Dancing...

Dancing for joy

Dancing in the rain

Dancing to wind chimes

Dancing for my Jesus

Drifting...

Drifting away from people

I thought it would be harder

Yet I'm finding I'm at peace

This is a part of my life

I have already grieved

Now all the drifting I will do

Is drifting towards my dreams

Daring...

Daring to dance

Daring to dream

Daring to drift

Daring to leap

Daring to let go

Daring to be vunerable

Daring to start over

Daring to follow God

Daring to answer the Call

Daring to GO

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

A few more days

2008-08-11T13:05:00.000-06:00

2 1/2 Days

$161 needed

1 GREAT GOD

More details to come....

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

all that's left

2008-08-09T00:54:00.000-06:00

5 days

$700 needed

1 BIG God

Waiting Patiently

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay

As I Lay Here

2008-08-04T11:51:00.000-06:00

"I'm so glad you're my best friend"

Her words pierced the silent room

pierced.

We watched The Passion of the Christ earlier that day.

"Greater love has no one than this,

that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Lay down my life...

He laid down His life for me

Lay down my life...

Pierced for my transgressions

Lay down my life...

He calls me Friend

Lay down my life...

She calls me Best Friend

Sleeping peacefully next to me was my best friend. She lays down her life for me. She invests in me, her time, talents, treasures, she shares it all with me. She sacrifices her needs/wants/desires to spend time with me-daily. Whether its a phone call, text message or actual face time.

Sometimes I am so selfish.

So unworthy

So ungrateful

Sometimes I forget all the good

all the laughter

all the joy

the memories

and the love

I have been shown.

A best friend:
-makes time for you
-laughs when you have one shoe on backwards
-touches you (back rubs and amazing hugs)
-laughs when you both get her age wrong
-goes on walks with you just because
-doesn't let anything get in the way of your friendship
-breaks down your walls
-asks you the hard questions
-prays with you
-gives of themselves
-loves you
-lays down their life for you

Everyday She looks more like Jesus.

~standing on His Promise~

CaseyMay